I’m so glad I’ve got daughters instead of a son

[FfsBrian]

Because fuck me Mils get a hard time on here.

I wouldn’t be able to see any born grandchild with in the first few weeks - never mind hold them.

I wouldn’t be able to buy my son anything nice

Son wouldn’t be able to see me on mothers day

And god forbid I’d want to see my son on Christmas Day!

My son wouldn’t be able to talk to me if he was upset/stressed with his partner

I’d be scared to death of upsetting Dil incase I never seen my son or grandkids again.

However when any grandkids reached toddler stage and mum wanted a break I’d be expected to look after a child at the drop of a hat I’d not been allowed to try and forge a bond with.

😬😬😬

Not with my DIL! 🥰

As a MIL with a DS, I buy him presents (and dil), I probably wouldn't see a baby for a couple of weeks, they are welcome to spend Christmas together/with dil's family and I have no intention of doing any regular childcare. Once they have their own dc, I expect dil to be the mother's day priority.

Fortunately ds and dil are pretty independent and live about 240 miles away.

DH and I have fantasies about quiet Christmases and a side of smoked salmon and bottle of champagne with no hosting or catering. The DC are free to do as they please.

All of these things don't just happen for no reason. There's a reason people will cut off their MIL's, 9 times out of 10 it's because it seems some MIL's know no boundaries and think they are entitled to do and say whatever they want. It's not exactly a trend to dislike your MIL, but if your purposely horrible or constantly over step the mark with your sons partner then yeah, I would assume all these things you are saying will happen?

What if your daughters gay? Don't count your chickens just yet you may still have a DIL

My eldest is 29 - how do YOU know one of them isn’t.

The post isn’t counting my chicken or gloating.

It’s about mothers of sons being given a hard time on MN.

That's awful of your dh to behave like that , she was still their gc mother even if she did cheat.

I’ve got three sons and a daughter and I thank my lucky stars every day that all my dils and my sil are not batshit like some on here.
My mil was an old bitch and I swore I’d never be like her when the time came.

As with so many things, the behaviour you see discussed on MN is representative of a situation where things have gone wrong (people in normal, happy situations don't generally ask for advice on them).

I think it’s going to be a self-fulfilling prophecy at this rate.

I think that people often only talk about bad stuff. Some MIL are lovely and kind and decent humans.

I don't but given your hatred of DIL, I doubt you have one in your life

My point is that this hatred of MILS thats supposed to exist only seems a problem when it's sons. There are just as many threads on poor relationships with mother's as there are MIL, sometimes people don't get on. Sometimes parents are dicks, sometimes children are dicks.

You're not entitled to see anyone else's baby within the first few weeks, by the way.

Yes because MN is an accurate representation of the real world. Most people I know swap Christmases, we had Christmas day at ILs every second year, they still get every second Christmas now we're seperated. I would have had zero issue with then MIL giving her son money just for him. ILs stayed with us when each of our children were born, met them day as my side. I support and value my ex ILs relationship with my DC and always will.

MN shows the extremes, often the very bad, sometimes the very good, it's not representative of the average relationship between partners or with parents or with ILs and often if a MIL or other IL or indeed a parent is cut out its usually for good reason.

My MIL was one of my favourite people in all the world. Sadly she is dead now and I miss her a lot.

A commom theme with the existence of an evil daughter in law who doesn’t let me see my grand child, is a mother in law who birthed a little prince that the whole world must bow down to because he is perfection. If your son keeps away, it isn’t due to anyone but him choosing to do that.

MILs (to sons or daughters) generally have a bad rep. However, people don’t tend to post/tell stories about good MILs because they don’t need support.

You are on MN, a site predominantly used by women and so the majority of MIL stories are from a DIL perspective. However, if you were to look at a male dominated site such as Reddit, you’d see the awful things MIL to SIL are doing.

Whether you’re a good MIL or not depends on you, not the sex of your children. It depends if you accept your children have a new primary family, which may mean your daughters don’t see you on Christmas Day or Mother’s Day. That there may be things your daughters should not be sharing with you and I think, regardless of sex, there is a line between little moans about your spouse and full on bad mouthing them to your mother. You can still be overbearing as the mother of daughters and your daughters should still be setting new boundaries if that overbearing negatively affects her new primary family. It also depends on the children you’ve raised. Basically anything other than their sex.

HTH

My DD is a wonderful DIL to her MIL, they have a great relationship. My MIL (god rest her soul) was not nice to me, though I bent over backwards for her.

It's not 'the MIL' per se it's the person themselves. Just like a DSIS/DSIL etc etc.

I do think though that quite a lot of DIL will favour their DM (only natural) and the MIL feels a bit left out. I have witnessed this many times. My DS has yet to find my future DIL, I'll update the thread in 2034🤗

They do get a hard time on here. Mothers of daughters will be MILs too you know!

I'm a lucky MIL. Get on well with my 3 DIL and 3 Grandkids.

I do remind the more venomous on here that they will be MIL one day!

OP, I have one of each and before reading mumsnet I never used to even think about being a terrible MIL / DIL for seemingly quite small things . Even since having my DC things seems to have changed and personally I think a bit of compromise on both sides might help.

i lost my MIL last year and miss her sos much but when DH and I first met we clashed a bit but we worked things out. I think it’s a hard relationship on both sides but normally nothing that can’t be sorted out.

I know what you mean.

I got lucky with my mother in law though.

I bet you’re right a drama llama in real life 😆

This is really sad. I can understand the grandparents were terrified of losing contact with their grandkids.

After a bit of PA stuff at the start, my late and lovely MIL and I had a very good relationship.
She took it like a good 'un when we moved to Australia. No pleading, even though it must have cut her to the quick.

I will try to remember her conduct if my own DD moves away.

Summed up MN perfectly!

Lost your sense of humour?

it was really clear to me the OP was taking the piss at all the other MIL hating threads.

what about the thread made you think she was really boasting? Are you new to MN?