I’m so glad I’ve got daughters instead of a son

[FfsBrian]

Because fuck me Mils get a hard time on here.

I wouldn’t be able to see any born grandchild with in the first few weeks - never mind hold them.

I wouldn’t be able to buy my son anything nice

Son wouldn’t be able to see me on mothers day

And god forbid I’d want to see my son on Christmas Day!

My son wouldn’t be able to talk to me if he was upset/stressed with his partner

I’d be scared to death of upsetting Dil incase I never seen my son or grandkids again.

However when any grandkids reached toddler stage and mum wanted a break I’d be expected to look after a child at the drop of a hat I’d not been allowed to try and forge a bond with.

😬😬😬

What is your relationship like with your mother OP?

i’m guessing that your relationship with your own mother is appalling given you went NC for 15 years with her

So kind of undermines your thread really

Oh, don't be mierable! It is lighthearted post, but based on truth (as evidenced from posts here!)
It' only 7.19. You'll have a lomg day if this has upset you already!

Oh, dear, @FfsBrian , everyone seems to have got out the wrong side of the bed this morning.
Grupmy pants have been donned, and apparently, everyone's MiL is marvellous today!
We know you are right tho'!
😃

Are you like this to your own MIL then?

What a load of misogynistic shite this post is.

Well pointed out, @Dogsbreath7

I love my MIL. I don't think it's as uncommon as you think. I have never posted a thread about it, because why would I?

Op, it is perfectly possible to get the mil-dil relationship right. They aren't all bad.

I have a ds, and I also had the mil from hell so I think (hope) I have a handle on the problem.

I have a life of my own apart from DS. I have a career. I don't need my DS to drive me places. I am a sane independent woman. When I retire I have friends and hobbies and take pleasure in time to myself.

My ex-mil expected to chose the crockery for our home, the tiles for the bathroom, her adult son's underpants. She would turn up uninvited at 6pm and demand to come to a dinner party we were attending. She had a joint bank account with her son. She would burst through our bedroom door at 6.30 on a Sunday morning (until I bought a door wedge and she hurt her wrist 😂).

She would have full blown tantrums and weep real tears if we booked a holiday without her.

I honestly think she would have slept in her son's bed (in her 60s) if she had the option. It made me queasy it was so weird. I was his first ex. He had two more ex-wives before she died. I know her son was part of the issue but she was completely deranged.

Whereas I put my son's happiness first. I want him to have a relaxed family life. A strong marriage if that is what he wants. To have some privacy. If that means I see him once a month for Sunday lunch, that works fine for me. I don't expect to be at the birth of his children. He knows I love him beyond all things but I expect him to fly the nest.

What a horrid post.
Where does it say the OP has been NC with their own mother?

I feel blessed with my DDIL! She’s like another daughter, I’ve always been welcome to stay - they are too far away to just pop round. I saw our first DGC at a day old. DDIL and DD are good friends too. But I know some MILs who feel excluded by DILs, who only seem to want their DC to be involved with their own mother. It’s OK saying the sons should include them, but in many cases family life is organised by the women, especially when the DC are small.

Obviously if there are genuine reasons not to include any family member, that’s different. But my friends are lovely grandmothers to their other DGC. It can be very hurtful.

Sorry, posted twice accidentally.
Deleted repeat text

I’m really confused, this is just a light hearted thread pointing out that MILs get a hard time on here isn’t it?

OP doesn’t actually feel like this.

Not sure why people are taking that bit seriously and ignoring the fact that MILs are often slated on here.

(which, yes they are OP!)

I have a DS and aware that if he has DCs ever, they’d be more likely to turn to his dw/dp’s mum for help.

I get on great with my MIL. She recently couldn’t accompany us on an annual holiday she always comes on. I was so disappointed as I was looking forward to being with her and it wasnt the same! She has a strained relationship with her own DD who has been awful to her.

We just have to try and forge the best relationships we can

There's also a lot of threads about women giving up there lives and moving away from family to support DH's career and life choices. There's plenty time yet for your daughters to move to the other side of the world where you won't be involved in their daily lives.

I disagree op, my poor mum takes a back seat to MIL because god forbid she gets upset.

I do know what you mean unfortunately. Even with parents - both mine are remarried but I barely see my dad anymore yet they're always hosting her family at his house.

MILs with normal relationships with their DILs don’t post about it on MN. And neither do those DILs

you only see venting from people who have friction for some reason. Probably not as big an issue as you think as there are lots of people about who are capable of getting__ along with their family.

Of course they didn't want to be cut out!

I think your DH was a bit rough if that wrecked their relationship.

My brother cheated on both wives and their families are still polite given he is the father of their grandchildren. I'm sure they aren't thrilled about it either, he's kind of a shitty person tbh.

I speak to my in laws every week and until DS was at school we saw them every week too even though they live 90 minutes away, we still see them regularly. DS has his own bedroom at their house. They are coming for dinner tonight before the fireworks, with my parents, at Christmas we do usually see my family Christmas day more (unless both sides are coming to us) but only for the day and it's nice for ds because he has cousins on my side, we then go and spend 3/4 days with in-laws so they see more of ds.
When MIL' father took a turn for the worst but had a lifelong history of being abusive to MIL which ramped up I dealt with the police and made the social care referral and supported her and her sister through the whole thing until he was found an appropriate care placement.

My mum does weekly childcare for my brother's children, has a good relationship with SIL, who has little to do with her own mother.

My colleague is taking retirement because get soon and his wife just had a baby and she wants to support them in the save way she has sorted her daughter and grandchild.

Relationships and circumstances are different. I have a son we are very close, I won't be an interfering, judgemental nightmare as a MIL and that's always a good starting point.

She was just using it as a rhetorical device, she didn't mean it, it was used to say:
"There's a tendency on Mumsnet of hetero women treating MILs like dirt and I'm relieved I'm not going to have to endure that"

Oh and she has two sons who don't have children, so has invited mine to their house (my family home) for Christmas with her family so they have 'children in the house' - but I'm not invited.

All DF says is leave it alone and it'll all be fine. I do feel I have lost him.

i was on a thread with the op 😕

and you don’t think relevant!

You see just as many threads on here with people complaining about their own mothers. Also people who have a respectful and supportive relationship with their mother in laws won't be on here asking for advice.

I have had a very difficult relationship with my mum at times there have been periods of no contact but a very frank conversation led to a much happier relationship and she is a huge part of my child's life. MIL was very relaxed until we had a child and all of a sudden was highly critical, judgemental, rude and undermined us. DH attempted to have a conversation to resolve and move forward which led to it getting worse so now we have zero contact with her. Both mum and MIL had to reflect on their own actions and change the way the spoke, treated us and one managed to do it.

I adore my mil and fil and we have always been closer to them. I have no concerns about when my son grows up and I'm a mil.