Not sure what I make of this - DD and boyfriends Mum (TW discussion about abortion)

[Mybodymychoiceorherchoice]

Dd and her boyfriend are both 17, both good, sensible kids, have jobs , go to college, nice mates, don't drink, don't live in each others pockets either. They have been seeing each other for close to a year.

Dd is on the pill, and they also use condoms. Neither want a baby, dd strongly believes in a woman's right to choose, but she doesn't think she would be able to have an abortion if an accident happened, her and her boyfriend have discussed this so he knows.

Dd was on antibiotics recently and they had an accident, I went with dd and got her the MAP right away (her request) and all was fine.

This, however, has inspired a chat from her boyfriends Mum, who now also wants to meet me to discuss this.

She sat dd down over the weekend and told her that if she were to fall pregnant that she absolutely has to get an abortion, no ifs ands or buts, and that neither her, or a baby would be welcomed if she should choose to keep it (obviously if she became pregnant).

The mum has requested I meet her, we discuss this and sit and present it to them and basically say neither of us would support them, they would be kicked out etc (it was a very long text and not quite as blatant as that, but that's the jist).

I've had very few dealings with this woman, she seemed nice enough, always treated dd kindly, but this is shitty right?

I'm obviously not going to bully my daughter into being terrified to come to me if she were to get pregnant, and I would support her in whatever her choice was 100%, so I don't even know what to say to this woman for the sake of family harmony, because, currently, I want to tell her to fuck off.

It's very unlikely dd will fall pregnant anyway given how sensible they are being, so there's no need for this chat to happen at all.

Dd knows I very much believe in a woman's right to choose, and that includes the choice not to have an abortion too.

I need to tell this woman I'm not having this chat, that I would support my daughter, and I'm not wiling to gang up on, and terrify, a couple of teens about a situation that's very unlikely to happen anyway, but in a neutral way so I don't piss her off and destroy the relationship she has with dd.

I also have sons and I just wouldn't ever dream of saying shit like this to their girlfriends.

Honestly? I’d consider that a deal breaker and advising DD to break up with boyf.

Either they will end up breaking up anyway, as teenagers often do, or they will stay together and a woman who thinks it’s ok to say “you must have an abortion” will be her future MIL. It doesn’t bear thinking about.

As for what you do I’d make it clear that what she’s done is completely unacceptable and that perhaps her son should keep it in his trousers if she feels so strongly about perspective grandchildren.

He had went to the shop, engineered by the mum from what I can tell.

The boyfriend and dd discussed things at length before they started having sex and he knows dds feelings, and supports her.

The mum wants me and her to meet, decide on all the threats we will issue, and then sit them both down to discuss this.

I would respond with something like, “Sorry, Sharon, I don’t agree with this approach. Our children are both sensible and responsible people as we’ve raised them to be. I trust them to make the right decision for them I want them to know I’d support them 100% in whatever they chose. I’ve already had a chat with my dd letting her know this and I’m not interested in discussing any of this with you further.”

And pray to god they break up eventually because she is going to make an absolutely awful MIL. 😬

Dd was on antibiotics recently and they had an accident, I went with dd and got her the MAP right away (her request) and all was fine.
It's very unlikely dd will fall pregnant anyway given how sensible they are being, so there's no need for this chat to happen at all.
Slight contradiction in your post - are you suggesting that she won't get pregnant at all, or that if she does, she has the MAP to fall back on so won't need a termination or to make a decision about keeping it? Because clearly, they have already had 'an accident'...

Dd was on antibiotics at that time, was still on the pill, but the condom broke and wasn't 100% sure the pill was reliable, given the antibiotics, so chose to take the MAP to cover herself.

This.

Personally I'd suggest to them that if they can't use condoms properly then they don't have sex at all.

Yes the BF mum is being ridiculous. PP have good suggestions re shutting her down.
However would your daughter consider a more reliable form of contraception such Mirena given how she feels about abortion?

The mum wants me and her to meet, decide on all the threats we will issue, and then sit them both down to discuss this.

I would have nothing to do with this whatsoever.

Personally? i would tell the mum to butt the fuck out.

I would be talking to my DD again about how it is having a baby. And then i would possibly (to piss the boyfriend's mum off) "have a conversation" with him along the lines of if DD does decide to keep "an accident" how he will move in with you and take over his share of baby care.

Reply to the mum and tell her to back off. She can speak to her son, but she cannot threaten your daughter.

Exactly. If they want to use two methods great but there's no point using two methods when one isn't working as that's just one method and they have somehow managed to balls that one method up.

I'd tell her to sod off! And to stop being a bully. She has no right to interfere. The only thing she should be doing is making sure her son knows how to use condoms.
And, on another note, I hope your DD doesn't continue with a relationship which seems to have a potential MIL from hell involved.

If they are mature enough to have sex then they are mature enough, or should be, to deal with a pregnancy. I would not entertain this conversation. Ultimately you support your dd and her choice. It may not be ideal to have a baby at that age but your dd cannot be railroaded by her boyfriends mum. Hopefully they will now be more careful.

As for the mother I'd not be having anything to do with threats etc. She's clearly worried about her son having a child really young so she should take that up with him

Oh I'd be meeting with the mother alright.

To tell her to f*ck off.

Your kids sound as sensible as they can be. Lord knows they sound a lot more sensible than I was at 17. This woman needs to calm tf down. And if an accident does happen and she chooses not to support them then maybe it's a blessing in disguise because she sounds awful.

Nah text his mum 'Ooh no I couldn't do that. Between you and me I can't wait to be a granny - I'd be welcoming them both if they want to live here with the baby. Any excuse to knit some tiny clothes eh?!'