Not sure what I make of this - DD and boyfriends Mum (TW discussion about abortion)

[Mybodymychoiceorherchoice]

Dd and her boyfriend are both 17, both good, sensible kids, have jobs , go to college, nice mates, don't drink, don't live in each others pockets either. They have been seeing each other for close to a year.

Dd is on the pill, and they also use condoms. Neither want a baby, dd strongly believes in a woman's right to choose, but she doesn't think she would be able to have an abortion if an accident happened, her and her boyfriend have discussed this so he knows.

Dd was on antibiotics recently and they had an accident, I went with dd and got her the MAP right away (her request) and all was fine.

This, however, has inspired a chat from her boyfriends Mum, who now also wants to meet me to discuss this.

She sat dd down over the weekend and told her that if she were to fall pregnant that she absolutely has to get an abortion, no ifs ands or buts, and that neither her, or a baby would be welcomed if she should choose to keep it (obviously if she became pregnant).

The mum has requested I meet her, we discuss this and sit and present it to them and basically say neither of us would support them, they would be kicked out etc (it was a very long text and not quite as blatant as that, but that's the jist).

I've had very few dealings with this woman, she seemed nice enough, always treated dd kindly, but this is shitty right?

I'm obviously not going to bully my daughter into being terrified to come to me if she were to get pregnant, and I would support her in whatever her choice was 100%, so I don't even know what to say to this woman for the sake of family harmony, because, currently, I want to tell her to fuck off.

It's very unlikely dd will fall pregnant anyway given how sensible they are being, so there's no need for this chat to happen at all.

Dd knows I very much believe in a woman's right to choose, and that includes the choice not to have an abortion too.

I need to tell this woman I'm not having this chat, that I would support my daughter, and I'm not wiling to gang up on, and terrify, a couple of teens about a situation that's very unlikely to happen anyway, but in a neutral way so I don't piss her off and destroy the relationship she has with dd.

I also have sons and I just wouldn't ever dream of saying shit like this to their girlfriends.

Dd can't have the coil, she tried the rod as well and bled the whole time, and got quite poorly, the pill is the best option for her currently.

Yes I am writing this with a straight face, because within a few hours of this accident happening she had taken the MAP, so pregnancy was very unlikely to occur, plus she's had 1 lot of antibiotics in the last 4 years so it's hardly a usual situation.

Dd and the mum have always got on well, she's been warm and welcoming to my daughter, as I have to her son, and things have got long fine.

I will absolutely be shutting this down, I'm just bloody raging that she thinks she has the right to essentially threaten my dd and try and rope me in too.

The bf is lovely, she has done a great job if raising him, and he's kind and supportive to dd, I always thought the mum was great too.... until this conversation. She only has sons, so, giving her the benefit of the doubt, she possibly doesn't realise what an overstep this is.

No, the mum messaged me. It was worded nicer than that, but that essentially it.

How fucking dare she. She needs to be speaking to her son not your daughter

Maybe buy them both some bananas and a packet of condoms so they can practice

The mother has messaged me, I've said it multiple times.

I'm not sure why you feel the need to keep repeating that my dd and her boyfriend aren't being sensible, I saw it the first few times you said it. Message recieved.

🤣🤣🤣

I’d be advising my son not to have sex with girls who won’t have abortions. But I would never dream of discussing this directly with the gf or the mother, that’s outrageous.

I've done a very similar thing with all my dc at around age14 tbh.

2 adults and 2 teens and no pregnancies so far.

I'd just text back saying that I wouldn't be taking up her offer of a discussion on this one. That you and her have no right to make these kind of decisions on behalf of your DD or her DS as they are consenting adults. That you've spoken with your DD and she knows that she has your support whatever happens so as far as you are concerned there is nothing to discuss.

I'm concerned about the condom breaking. I used to get that a lot when I was young and stupid. Turns out your supposed to squeeze the air out of the top by compressing the teat and then put on by rolling down. No air should be left in the teat. That's what causes them to burst. They are using incorrectly.

Speak to your daughter and make sure she knows this. Whether it's her or him applying them, they both need to know.

And be confident enough to put the other one right if they are using it incorrectly.

I hope the MAP works ok.

I'm not best pleased with the MILs attitude. It sucks. She seems like she's got big ideas for her son and they don't involve a family.

While I appreciate that this is the advice most people would give to a young couple, it's their choice. He is a man not a boy. She needs to butt out.

I would tell her you've already had "the chat", and while it's their lives and their choice, you would suggest that the timing just now isn't ideal for parenthood however you'd support her decision, whatever it is.

The BF mother needs to speak to her son not your daughter - your dd is taking precautions (though maybe she should abstain in future if she's on antibiotics or whatever)

She's not the Mother In Law!

Antibiotics can affect the pill.
Condoms can split.

I'm not putting the whole message on here, it is massive, she said she wants us to meet and discuss on what to do if dd got pregnant as we obviously can't become grandparents, yet and that we need them to know they will have no support, nowhere to turn, and that they would need to hit rock bottom in order to make the right decisions, and it would be better if we worked as a team to make sure they don't have any option to have a baby should dd get pregnant.

All actual phrases she used.

Even used properly condoms can fail.

i really don't know why the pedants are all focussing on this.

The point is: they are using belt and braces. when they had a scare they went for the 3rd option of MAP as a back up.

I'm not seeing an issue with the youngsters here. Only the mum who thinks she has the right to tell any other woman what to do with her body.

I don't know how I'd word it, but I would be letting her know in no uncertain terms that you will not be meeting to discuss this as you do not agree. That you will support your daughter no matter what situation she finds herself in and that she had absolutely no right to isolate your 17 year old and tell her what to do with her body!!!

You have not explained the contradictions in your earlier post - yet you say you are writing with a straight face
Maybe the boyfriend's mum is over-reacting in your eyes, but I can see her point. Neither your DD nor DB have covered themselves in glory. they knew antibiotics could affect the pill's efficacy, so relied on the second most unreliable method of contraception

Yes. So you don't have sex if the other backup isn't working due to antibiotics