Not sure what I make of this - DD and boyfriends Mum (TW discussion about abortion)

[Mybodymychoiceorherchoice]

Dd and her boyfriend are both 17, both good, sensible kids, have jobs , go to college, nice mates, don't drink, don't live in each others pockets either. They have been seeing each other for close to a year.

Dd is on the pill, and they also use condoms. Neither want a baby, dd strongly believes in a woman's right to choose, but she doesn't think she would be able to have an abortion if an accident happened, her and her boyfriend have discussed this so he knows.

Dd was on antibiotics recently and they had an accident, I went with dd and got her the MAP right away (her request) and all was fine.

This, however, has inspired a chat from her boyfriends Mum, who now also wants to meet me to discuss this.

She sat dd down over the weekend and told her that if she were to fall pregnant that she absolutely has to get an abortion, no ifs ands or buts, and that neither her, or a baby would be welcomed if she should choose to keep it (obviously if she became pregnant).

The mum has requested I meet her, we discuss this and sit and present it to them and basically say neither of us would support them, they would be kicked out etc (it was a very long text and not quite as blatant as that, but that's the jist).

I've had very few dealings with this woman, she seemed nice enough, always treated dd kindly, but this is shitty right?

I'm obviously not going to bully my daughter into being terrified to come to me if she were to get pregnant, and I would support her in whatever her choice was 100%, so I don't even know what to say to this woman for the sake of family harmony, because, currently, I want to tell her to fuck off.

It's very unlikely dd will fall pregnant anyway given how sensible they are being, so there's no need for this chat to happen at all.

Dd knows I very much believe in a woman's right to choose, and that includes the choice not to have an abortion too.

I need to tell this woman I'm not having this chat, that I would support my daughter, and I'm not wiling to gang up on, and terrify, a couple of teens about a situation that's very unlikely to happen anyway, but in a neutral way so I don't piss her off and destroy the relationship she has with dd.

I also have sons and I just wouldn't ever dream of saying shit like this to their girlfriends.

it is shitty. I'll tell my dd and break up with him.

Her son is legally an adult in a few months time. Not sure who she thinks she is to demand anyone gets an abortion at what age will she stop making demands of her son's girlfriend. Or will she permanently be "that" mother in law

sensible

very sensible

and an in love 17 year old would totally do this

depending on how it's done. doubts should be planted and breakup will follow naturally.

do you have teens?

Dont be so daft, this is a 17 year old girl in love

you sound like Lady Capulet 😆

Maybe on this thread I'm biased because I fell pregnant with my firstborn at 15 (oops 😬) but no one would of been able to convince me to break up with my boyfriend or have an abortion

exactly

and you’re not biased at all

i can’t think of an i ln love and in long term rel 17 year old that would dump her boyfriend because her mum “planted seeds” about his mother (not even him). Ridiculous

I had been a very rebellious teen 🤣 don’t be daft you.

that doesn’t make sense 🤷

Slightly off topic, but I get really annoyed when people take the stance that pro choice always means pro abortion. It literally doesn’t.

I’d be furious if anyone (including myself 😂) tried to tell my daughters what to do with their bodies.

The nature of forums is that people will, as you put it, "jump in". We have usernames so you can tell us apart.

as i say… interested in the op and the particular poster i quoted

Absolutely this! I can’t understand why everybody keeps going on about how irresponsible they are that the two forms of contraception they used potentially failed! I think they have been hugely sensible and used the MAP as a belt and braces third option just in case, why everybody seems to be focusing on the fact that they seem to have been unwise and not taken care baffles me! The MIL needs to wind her neck in. I think every ounce of support should be given to the daughter because she sounds wonderful as does the BF, it’s just a pity the MIL seems to be turning into a dragon! You are right to be horrified by her suggestion OP and your daughter and her BF sound wonderful! All the MIL will do is push them both away by behaving in this manner. You have clearly brought up a very rounded and sensible young lady who would be happy to come to you if she needed help, and that’s exactly how it should be. I wish you all the best.

I have already posted about this but having read further and more of your responses. I just wanted to say that I think you sound like an absolutely wonderful mother and are going into raising your children with your eyes wide open having suffered as you did in your youth. it sounds as though you and your DD have a wonderful relationship and that is testament to your hard work and sensible approach to raising her as a well rounded sensible young lady.

I think you sound like a really conscientious, thoughtful and a great Mum Mybody. And with your difficult background that is an even bigger achievement. Your children are lucky to have you