Ye Olde Worlde Mumsnette

[Sharrilanda]

Share some historical MN dilemmas and stories.
What kind of posts do you think we would be reading if MN was around in the good old days of yore?

The tutor we have in our employe to teach our son Latin and all manner of modern topics in order for him to achieve his rightful place in noble society is telling us that his taxes are to increase.

Will we be required to fund this egregious tax? And will this mean we will be destitute? AIBU to petition high friends in parliament to stop this frankly jealous attack by commoners on their superiors and betters?

I think my wife is being unfaithful, AIBU to get her a chastity belt?

My DH is wearing wigs, make up, stockings and high heels. He tells me this is the manly look for AW 1789. Should I be worried?

Is his wig bigger than yours? If so, tell him to tone it down lest he bring shame upon the Estate.

My husband, King Henry VIII, has gained a lot of weight since we married. I now find him very unattractive, I cannot bear the thought of partaking in coitus with him but I cannot fulfill my duty to provide him with an heir if I abstain. His waist is the size of a ginormous barrel of ale, he has broken veins all over his flabby, pale face. He repulses me. His horse's knees are buckling under the weight of him whilst jousting. I used to find him so sexy to watch, now I rush back to my room to sob at what a gross hog of a man I married.

Would it be wrong of me to suggest he starts taking Mounjaro or should I LT(fat)B?

So as not to drip feed, he has threatened me with violence before and on one occasion he said he would have my head off. I also suspect he is having an affair.

AIBU or is that new dance the waltz shockingly indecent? Not to mention the style of dresses that look like petticoats!

The DCs have come home raving about this new vegetable and are demanding it for dinner, it looks like a rock to me but apparently it's called a potato. I just can't be doing with these new-fangled American fads. AIBU to dish up my usual turnip surprise and tell them that they can dictate what root vegetables they eat when they move out and find their own hovel?

While we're on the topic, how many meals does a large turnip stretch to in your house? I usually make one last at least a week by chucking a few lentils into the pottage to bulk it out, served with some crusty bread. My DH isn't impressed but surely 1/24th of a turnip is more than enough per person????

Best places to buy bargain chastity belts?

Be thy not absurd. Tell him to eat only turnip pottage as @cheesypinwheel mentions, and lift his bulk from the throne.

In the meantime, I suggest you partake in at least several glasses of mead come the time to retire to thy chamber. It will soften the blow. Get thy heads in a row and keep thy tongue behind thy teeth as a plan doth brew.

I do hope thou hast children with him?

Lawks a mercy @Woahbodyforrrrm
I'm verily sorry to inform thee that this 'D'H of yours has already been outed on pg2 of this very document.
Several of our sisters on this here Mumsnette have exposed his wicked ways by means of lumpfishing him on his Plenty of Trout profile.
Whatever ye do, ye muste not confronte him before ye have gathered all ye importante parchments or else he will destroy all evidence and even denounce his faith.
Get thy royal swannes in a row 🦢🦢🦢

Don't go unless he's already found some suitable accommodation. The last thing you want to go be giving birth on hay filled with animal shit.

Les voisins se plaignent du coût de la vie depuis des mois et j'en ai assez. Je leur ai dit de manger un gâteau à la place et maintenant il y a une foule à ma porte. Dois-je signaler cela au 111 ?

And tell him you don't want any bloody random visitors for at least two weeks.

😂

And they usually bring crap presents rather than things you can actually use.

Although maybe some frankincense would be welcome given the current shortage.

Not even shepherds who watched their flocks by night?!

Nope. All that baaing from the sodding sheep will keep the baby awake. And as for the cattle lowing...

I'm not sure turning down the king would increase your life expectancy. Probably best to just get on with it. You've got to marry someone and it may as well be royalty. You'll get a pretty dress and at least if he kills you it'll be quick, not like all those starving peasants who take ages to die.

Verily, this is the most excellent thread that has been vouchsafed to me since the one about that fire that started in London last year!

Thou hast verily the neighbours from hell, but one of those newfangled dragons would sort them out.

'Tis an outrage! And ye national minimum wage is set to rise to two groats and a turnip per annum!

As the festive season approacheth my plans for the catering to feed this family of twelve has forced me to offer an economical yet nourishing hot dish of Groaty Dick (ye old Google is thy frend as the posting of a link is not working)
Not to be confused with the other Groaty Dick who is known for impregnating trollopes and howsewifes in all dwellings yet never tosses but a single coin in mayntenonce to feed his offsprings. All but one of my own children have my husband's features which include the extra ear so I did not escape Dick's attentions.

Pouvez-vous les laisser travailler dans votre ferme ?Vous n'avez pas besoin de perdre la tête à cause d'un peu de bonne humeur locale

My son Leonardo has all sorts of fancy notions about anatomy and flying machines, and draws all manner of pictures of them in his room all day.
WIBU to insist he learns a proper trade like portrait painting instead?
I mean, sketching is all well and good, and while his head is in the clouds I think it is wrong for man to actually fly up to the heavens.
He did do a lovely picture of my friend Mona though, I reckon he could even get that framed like a real painting.

Oops.

Hear ye, hear ye, may the word of the Lord awaken you heathens. Which makes a change from the sodding cockerel coming from the Batholomew dwelling next hamlet along.

I come bearing news of great importance.

Just last very eve, I had the great fortune to attend a meeting with the Knights of the Round Table. Sir Lancelot was also in attendance and had the most splendid idea. One suggested this olde thread, should hence forth be gazed upon as an olde mumsnette classic thread, to be wondered upon with great admiration by both the noblemen and peasants alike.

All those in favour say Aye!

We finished proceedings with an in-depth discussion regarding this new party of so called 'gentlemen' who have taken seat in Parliament. There is much talk of how they have robbed from the poor to give to the rich. Forsooth they have taken away the winter firewood allowance for the elderly. Now all the poor souls aged over 25 are going to lose out on much needed pennies during this here coste of living crisis. The Knight's suggested townsfolk put forth their suggestions for how to overthrow this here government so they can take over. Parchment will be delivered to all those on the census to write down their ideas. For the many who cannot read or write, tough luck.

One suggestion was to have Dick Turpin and his Highwaymen intercept the crooks on their way to the Palace of Westminster and do away with them. Another suggestion was to pay Guy Fawkes to blow up said Palace with all of them inside using vast quantities of gunpowder. Both are risky and could lead to many a head on a pole along the river.

This country has gone to the dogs. I blame the Normans for opening the flood gates for all these illegal immigrants to travel here by boat and steal our jobs. Has one tried to see a physician just recently, it's impossible to get an appointment? AIBU