Ye Olde Worlde Mumsnette

[Sharrilanda]

Share some historical MN dilemmas and stories.
What kind of posts do you think we would be reading if MN was around in the good old days of yore?

Dear Mumsnette, my dear husband has began to refer to himself as my “Daddy”. This is very confusing to I as I do recall my dear old Papa passed away in the mines when I was just 5.

Trex “RAAAAAAAWWWRRRR, WHAT THAT FIREBALL FLYING THROUGH SKY IT GETTING A BIT CLO”

NeanderthalMcNeanderthal “me no fink Trex coming back to fread, dis must be troll”

My neighbour put his bin out is he cheating

My neighbour keeps tying up his horse outside my house. I am most vexed even though I have no horse of my own. Diagram will arrive in about three weeks.

AIBU to agree with Lord Protector Cromwell about Christmas? I can't face another one with the inlaws.

How can I look effortlessy Norman?

I'm tall (five foot), I've got some teeth, but once I put on myne undergowne, myne kirtle, myne hose, myne shirte, myne dresse, myne cotee and myne apron I just look like a dumpy browne coo.

Helfen me!

Sharrilanda · Today 19:59

I found his profile on Plenty of Trout, and you're right, it doesn't bode well.

I think thou hast been lumpfished, for verily, he be more lamprey than trout. Hie thee to the town Reeve and make thy clamour ripely!

Have cut thine hair using bowl & shaving that the back? It’s the latest thing for 1072

I'm thinking of moving to the New Worlde. Am I being foolish ?

Too many flintlocks. Don't do it.

AIBU?

I have a strapping son with hollow legs and sensitivity to noise. He's a lovely boy, but recently some neighbours have taken to having large, noisy parties every night in their new mead hall across the mire (we live very rurally, very little in the way of trouble or shopping, just a few farmers, sheep and cows, so it's usually just me and my lad of an evening).

The noise was so bad that my lad went over there to try and have a word and ask them to keep it down a bit in future, but after he'd eaten, they must have sent for some band of thugs because when he went back the next time the noise started up, about 12 years later, he returned terribly hurt.

I'm absolutely fumming - my poor boy, so gravely wounded, mordored by those monsters!

I want to go straight over there right now and give them what for. I'm not scared of them, after all, I'm a bit tasty in combat, being a warrior and no mortal blade can hurt me and I'm kind of obliged as part of the rules of a blood feud, but I'm a bit worried about what people might say about me in the future.

What should I do?

@dapsnotplimsolls I hadn't considered flintlock. I was more concerned about falling off the edge of the world. I need to make my mind up quickly though. There's a ship leaving Plymouth next week.

Any tips for removing the stench from the underarms of my velvet ball gown? My drawers are also reeking , and I’ve only been wearing them for two months.

Our vicar says he’s opening up a school house to teach the village children about the good book, but my neighbour says the one in the next village isn’t so insistent on biblical instruction and the children are still allowed out to toil the fields. My husband says he’d prefer our son learning the farming ways but it’s a 6 mile walk each way and I have cows to milk. Which one should we choose?

My dear sister put one of our spare chickens in the neighbour's perpetual stew pot and its been feeding people for weeks now. I'm tired of listening to her tales about this chicken and stew. AIBU if I sell her? DH thinks I'm just jealous because the pot tastes better than my home cooking.

Today two crows sat on my roof. AIBU to be screaming and shaking? Is this a bad omen? I need a hand hold, do I go to the village priest or wait until next Sabbath? DH says I am being but a wee wench (lovingly, he's a very good husband, bless the Lord), but the rats in my chimney space have been verily loud all eventide.

I was looking into my scrying glass the other day and I saw small childer jesting as they watched a tiny pageant taking place inside the strangest of instruments. There were tiny mummers trapped inside it doing very normal things. There was a banner too. Horrible Histories, it said.

I always knew that scrying glass was rubbish. Does anyone know where I can get a serviceable replacement?

Hast thou tried eating only turnip stew from Sabbath to Sabbath, and braiding thy hair? I also hear there is an implement for "stretching" but it hath not yet reached popularity amongst the commoners.

My DH and sons need it not of course, nor myself. I have been eating only fungi from the wood and nibbling straw for many a moon.

My neighbour always takes leave of his horse and cart at such a happenstance that I am unable to take leave of our dwelling with our own carriage. It has been on the occasion where it has not proved too much the inconvenience, but now he has become used to the privilege and I know not what to say whereupon he may become a rough fellow in retaliation.

What to do? And would a parchment aid the understanding of the dilemma?

Thought needeth gather a rough gang of lads from the tavern! They shall see to this rogue!

But if thou could provide a detailed drawing upon parchment, perhaps we may understand thy dilemma more clearly?

I don’t want to give my maid the day off on Mothering Sunday to return to her village and church. I only have one servant and I was planning on having visitors on that date AIBU?

Godey’s recommends that French chalk and lavender water be mixed together to form a thick paste to be applied to the area. The drawers are not worth saving, gift them to your chambermaid who will be grateful for them and put a clove in your ‘flower’ to smell sweeter in the future.

What can I do with a surfeit of lampreys?

I'm listening to The Archers, but they only speak Welsh.

Have reported this thread.

Messenger on horseback should arrive at MNHQ in around two weeks I reckon.