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Original poster

People dropping out of my 40th on Sat. Should I cancel?

624 replies

sellotape12 · 13/10/2024 21:19

Hi this is sensitive and upsetting so please - don't come for a fight.
I'm 40 on Friday and have booked a catered bar thing for 28 friends. Invitations were sent out and people RSVP'd yes so I ordered catering and drinks accordingly. There's a minimum spend which I'll need to cover if it doesn't get spent - all normal. With 6 days to go, about eight of the 'yes' are now becoming 'no'. Not sure if there'll be more. At what point do I cancel it all?
Or how can I re-frame my thinking that a smaller thing will be just as nice (although might be expensive for me as I'll have to cover cost now) ?

Gosh I wish people wouldn't flake. It's a big birthday milestone not an in-between one. It's making me think I'm not important and feeling a bit down!
How would you re-frame this in your mind, or with your practical head on?

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 13/10/2024 21:22

Can you invite some others?

Are the 8 all crap excuses? If so I'd be honest about the fact you've paid for it based on them attenting and it's a bit hurtful.

LittleMsSunny · 13/10/2024 21:23

If 8 don't come thats still 20 people. does that include you?

can you invite some others.

Time40 · 13/10/2024 21:24

Are the 8 all crap excuses? If so I'd be honest about the fact you've paid for it based on them attenting and it's a bit hurtful

So would I! It's terrible behaviour. I'm not surprised you're hurt, OP.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Events & celebrations
Swissrollover · 13/10/2024 21:24

Did the minimum spend rely on your friends buying drinks and effectively paying for your party?

ahemfem · 13/10/2024 21:25

Can you send a message to ask if they're still OK to come as you've had a few people pull out so want to double check numbers?

Eyesopenwideawake · 13/10/2024 21:25

At what level does it become unviable?

Original poster
sellotape12 · 13/10/2024 21:26

@Hercisback1 Yeah I wondered about inviting others but does it look obvious that they'd be fillers now? It's so last minute...
The reasons so far are

  • Work stress/ travel x2
  • Got to go to the passport office(!)
  • Baby isn't sleeping TTN (can't one of them come?)
  • Husband has broken arm, need to stay home
  • Forgot and can't find a sitter (you had a printed invite 4 weeks ago)
  • Pregnant and feeling tired
so not sure I can complain. But still. You RSVP'd "yes". It feels like a gut punch. I don't want to remember my big birthday as the day I had to cancel as I wasn't evidently that important to people.
OP posts:
AllThePotatoesAreSingingJingleBells · 13/10/2024 21:28

This happened to us except we had 35 people drop down to 20! I’d hired a room too 🤬

we had a great time anyway and our closest friends made it. I was annoyed about the expense though as like you say I’d had to pay a minimum based on the original numbers.

Original poster
sellotape12 · 13/10/2024 21:28

LittleMsSunny · 13/10/2024 21:23

If 8 don't come thats still 20 people. does that include you?

can you invite some others.

Edited

Yes that will include me. We can add some furniture to the bar to make it look les, er, empty. I guess what I'm now panicking about on Sunday night is what if more people start cancelling this week?

OP posts:
Hercisback1 · 13/10/2024 21:28

Just send the invites over via WhatsApp to a few extra people and see what responses you get. I wouldn't cancel.

Most of those excuses I'd reply and say that you're a bit hurt. A broken arm doesn't mean you can't leave the house.

Original poster
sellotape12 · 13/10/2024 21:31

Hercisback1 · 13/10/2024 21:28

Just send the invites over via WhatsApp to a few extra people and see what responses you get. I wouldn't cancel.

Most of those excuses I'd reply and say that you're a bit hurt. A broken arm doesn't mean you can't leave the house.

OK thanks. Is it a bit desperate though to say I'm hurt? I am, but will that be emotional blackmail to get people to come? I think everyone thinks "oh it's fine for us to flake, plenty of others will be there" but never realise that what if multiple people do that? Also worried that if I send a cheery 'just checking' message to the remaining attendees will it actually backfire and give them reason to also not come? I really don't know how to play it but admit I'm not thinking straight.

OP posts:
Branleuse · 13/10/2024 21:31

Invite more people, or yeah just cancel and do something less stressful and less reliant on other people. Last minute weekend away?

JumpstartMondays · 13/10/2024 21:33

Have you told those that cancelled that you've paid already paid and for catering including for them? If they can't make it ask them to contribute to cover costs since you ordered based on their original RSVP? An awkward ask but it may make them reconsider their flakiness.

pictoosh · 13/10/2024 21:33

Honestly I think there will be more to drop out and a couple at short notice (on the day) too. People are very flaky and texts now make it so easy to do. Fire off an excuse...job done.

CheeseWisely · 13/10/2024 21:34

That's shit OP 😒

If it helps with inviting some last minute extras, the way we framed it for our wedding was that some of the people we had to invite weren't able to come, which freed up some space for more of the people we wanted to invite.

toomuchcardboard · 13/10/2024 21:34

Where do you live? I'll come!
I love a party.
You'll have lots of fun and they are the losers.

YouFoundMe · 13/10/2024 21:35

Don't cancel OP! Invite a few more people if you're worried that more people will pull out.

It is hurtful but it's YOUR 40th so enjoy it with those who do come and remember it for that. Easy to say for me but I am sure you are going to have a great time when the time comes and you'll not even think about the losers who first RSVPd Yes and then said No.

Happy birthday in Advance Flowers

pictoosh · 13/10/2024 21:35

Hercisback1 · 13/10/2024 21:28

Just send the invites over via WhatsApp to a few extra people and see what responses you get. I wouldn't cancel.

Most of those excuses I'd reply and say that you're a bit hurt. A broken arm doesn't mean you can't leave the house.

Don't think I'd fancy a night of drinking and dancing with a broken arm. I mean yeah, I could technically attend...but would I enjoy it? Not much.

Emmascout1774 · 13/10/2024 21:36

I had similar for my 40th. Couldn’t find babysitter etc (I told you about it ages ago!) just feeling tired etc etc. I was hurt and so anxious that party would be a let down and embarrassing. It was great. Really fun.

Emmascout1774 · 13/10/2024 21:36

Personally though I wouldn’t reply and tackle the excuses. People are allowed to cancel. You are also allowed to not invite them to anything again.

EmeraldRoulette · 13/10/2024 21:37

I understand the upset of OP but broken arm must be grim. ( to the pp who highlighted that one). I’ve broken two bones and couldn’t have gone out. Too painful to coordinate anything really.

anyway OP I’d also see if you can invite others because people are horrendously flaky now. Also a lot of bugs going round.

I hope it goes well. If you’re near me I’ll come 😂

Mintearo7 · 13/10/2024 21:37

Please don’t cancel. It’s your big birthday..tbh, every birthday bash is probably tinged by people that don’t end up coming. If you have a few close friends/siblings that you know are going to be there perhaps mention they can bring a couple of extra people, if you feel comfortable with this. Then you avoid offending because they are randoms.

Heidi2018 · 13/10/2024 21:38

JumpstartMondays · 13/10/2024 21:33

Have you told those that cancelled that you've paid already paid and for catering including for them? If they can't make it ask them to contribute to cover costs since you ordered based on their original RSVP? An awkward ask but it may make them reconsider their flakiness.

Please don't do this! I would be absolutely fuming if I gave a week's notice to not attend a 40th and I was asked to foot some of the bill!

OP it's really shit that they have said no. I definitely would invite a few more people if you have others you want to celebrate with! It's not too little notice, just send a text as someone above suggested.

Henleylady · 13/10/2024 21:39

It is becoming increasingly socially acceptable to cancel plans. I organised a retirement do recently and some people cancelled on the day - they didn't even attempt to think up good excuses. I don't think I'm ever going to organise an event again. People just do as they please now and stay home if they can't be bothered going out.

I would cancel and spend the money on a lovely weekend away.

Whatanidiot123 · 13/10/2024 21:39

Go ahead and have a great time! The important ones will be there. I’d think about inviting a couple of others if it makes sense to do so. If you have to hit a minimum spend, sod it and have a couple of bottles of champagne! Happy Birthday!

I absolutely hate flakey people. It would be a very rare occasion of a last minute sickness bug or emergency that I cancel plans that meant someone was out of pocket. Even just a casual meet up I’m solidly reliable.. If I was under work stress, I’d probably relish the night out more. If I waited until I had kids who slept through the night, I’d not have gone out once in the last 6.5 years!