People dropping out of my 40th on Sat. Should I cancel?

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Hi this is sensitive and upsetting so please - don't come for a fight.
I'm 40 on Friday and have booked a catered bar thing for 28 friends. Invitations were sent out and people RSVP'd yes so I ordered catering and drinks accordingly. There's a minimum spend which I'll need to cover if it doesn't get spent - all normal. With 6 days to go, about eight of the 'yes' are now becoming 'no'. Not sure if there'll be more. At what point do I cancel it all?
Or how can I re-frame my thinking that a smaller thing will be just as nice (although might be expensive for me as I'll have to cover cost now) ?

Gosh I wish people wouldn't flake. It's a big birthday milestone not an in-between one. It's making me think I'm not important and feeling a bit down!
How would you re-frame this in your mind, or with your practical head on?

I’m sorry OP, it’s so rude of people. You sure find out who your friends are when you have a party. I think iiwy I’d go ahead but invite others if possible. And then edit your friends list.

I would message them all and put pressure on them to come tbh, flakey fucks.

"Sorry work is stressful / x has broken his arm / you can't find a sitter. Hopefully by Friday you'll be feeling up to it / can leave him for a few hours / one of you can come and let your hair down! I've already paid for food for you so would love to see you there!"

You are not wrong with ''flaking''.

Well, you know who your TRUE friends are, and a wise man said ''If, in life, you can count on the fingers of one hand your true friends, you are blessed.

True friends are a rare and valuable asset.

Treasure them, and the rest? Fuck 'em.

Many years back, when I was a teenager, a friend went to St Paul's Boys school, London.

They had a school magazine, and in it was a story of a 16th Birthday party.

The house was all prepared, parents had laid everything out...the upshot was no one came. He mentioned ''The silent Volvo lined streets, with not the sound of a slowing car..

It was a heartbreaking story.

I probably would too just because I am so sick of flakey fucks and flimsy excuses

This is why I'd never have a party! Spa day and pampering for me for a big b'day!

OP I really hope the committed few actually attend and you have a great 40th celebration.

So rude.
Unfortunately it has become quite common for some.
I would definitely send out a bunch of last minute invites on the basis you have decided to celebrate last minute.
People will say yes or no, nothing lost.

I was going to suggest as @Garlicnaan ... Tell them no worries, but if they feel better they are still welcome to come as you've already paid. It might come across as passive aggressive, but it's really poor form to cancel last minute on a good friend, so tough.

Oh OP. Don't let this spoil your birthday. What you do it you go and you have a bloody fabulous time with the people who come whether it's 8 or 28. They're the ones to focus on (and yourself of course!). You could always mention it to a few others now that there's space but don't feel you have to. I hope you have a lovely birthday. Enjoy it , do not worry about numbers, that is not what is important x

I think people are more flakey but they probably haven’t thought about the impact assuming there’s money behind the bar and a buffet of some kind (ie stuff that can be shared between people who are there).

Even at weddings you will get drop-outs. We had a friend and her husband and two children just not come and she didn’t message me until pretty late in the day so I presume she just forgot/couldn’t be arsed but I was so cross as I could have invited others in her place and re-arranged seating better rather than just have 4x meals wasted etc. I think you have to expect that people don’t see 40ths as a particularly big thing so will cancel if something comes up. I’m sure you will still have enough to make it fun and you’ll enjoy the celebration with the people who presumably are closest to you. 28 is quite a lot of people so there will be some on that list that just aren’t that close.

It's so annoying! One group of friends I have completely given up with as had enough of people dropping out last minute.

Tbh I wouldn't send a message to the drop outs. Even though most of the excuses are shit, it is maybe better for your mental health to just move on and not get into a conflict with them?

Ah that’s crap OP

I don’t love going out in the evenings always so I now try to be really honest & say from the start I’m a maybe (unless it’s like my best friends thing and I’m 100% committed)

People are flaky

I hope you manage to have a fabulous birthday, regardless of the people who don't manage to show up! I had to renege on a friend's 40th birthday party earlier this year due to illness, 2 days before... but I felt awful about it & apologised a lot! I really wish I had felt well enough to just show up even for an hour or 2.

I turn 40 later this year & I've no plans for it at all, so I will live vicariously through yours! 🎉😀

I'd FAR rather have one or two genuine friends at a party than 28 flakey fuckers.

I had this got a landmark birthday recently. I invited twice the number of people as since lockdown everyone has got really flaky and i thought there would be cancellations. And yes, surprise surprise on the day...."I've hurt my toe" messages came pouring in.

I was so cross and upset about it but the fact that i had invited more than i knew would attend, mitigated it mostly. It was fun but far too stressful given how rubbish some friends were. Including one who lives literally round the corner from the venue.

Whilst i had a good night in the end, it was so stressful I won't be doing it again! I hope you manage to have a lovely time regardless. xx

Almost exactly the same happened on my 40th. Out of many invites only 5 turned up on the day. I could have cried, I'd given maybe 2 months notice, most said yes, a couple said maybe and yet still only 5 came.
I made the most of it and it was lovely, but I didn't bother for my 50th and I wont bother for my 60th.
Maybe if I make it to 100 I'll give it another try.

Sorry OP but very likely more yet will dropout, just try your best to have a great time with those that turn up.

I think it's fine mention to those attending that you've had a few people decline last minute and would they like to bring anyone along e.g. sister, friend, mum etc. I've went along with friends in this type of situation before (knew, knew of the birthday person and been delighted to enjoy a wee unexpected night out).

My friend had her 50th last December at a fancy hotel, 60 rsvp'd guests. 20 people turned up. Some cancelled last minute, some just didn't turn up and 'forgot'. It's incredibly hurtful. The worst part was watching friend having to tell staff to stop bringing food platters out.

We no longer have parties for this reason.

Except DC birthday parties as they're old enough to drop & go. Parents NEVER miss that opportunity.

I actually think I would cancel. It's causing you stress and upset.
What about a meal out instead or even a smaller get together at the house? 20 friends is loads btw an you will still have a lovely time.
I'd send out a WhatsApp, being truthful about it and say you'd booked a room based on rsvps but unfortunately had so many change their minds about attending, you've had to change the plan. I would add that you're really looking forward to seeing everyone, its just a change of venue to accomodate slightly less people. Event will now be xyz and you're hoping to get definite numbers if possible as you need to pay the deposit this week.
Whatever you decide, enjoy your celebrations.
Hate that people are so flaky these days, its very disgeartening.

OP, we were told by our wedding venue that about approximately 75% of people you invite will come, and that was about right (a bit different as most - but actually not all - people told us they couldn’t come before we paid).

I also think it’s flakey and bad manners, but perhaps people don’t realise you’ll be left out of pocket?

What a flaky lot!
Id message the one with the husband with broken arm.
"so sorry George has broken his arm, hopefully by Friday you'll be able to get away for a couple of hours. Be lovely to see you even if it's only for a short time"

And the tired/baby not sleeping/work stress ones I'd reply Sorry you're struggling, would be lovely to see you even if it's just for an hour or so

Just go and enjoy yourself with the people who care about you, even if it’s a smaller group. I’d probably distance myself from the flaky ones.

I use to work in hospitality, it happens a lot and I think it's worse since COVID. Rule of thumb is cater for 20% less than you intend to invite. I'd invite a few more and go ahead at this point. It will feel lonely with those who made the effort

Don't say anything to those who've cancelled. To be charitable to them, it probably doesn't occur to people that they will especially matter if they're not there. They don't think about what if lots of others think the same. It won't change anything with the party to tell them you're hurt and will potentially create drama. Just let them be and invite other people. People are no more likely to be offended at being a fall back guest than they would be at not being invited at all, so you've nothing to lose!

How about sticking it as an open invite to your colleagues, neighbours etc? People who wouldn’t expect an invite a month in advance but might turn up to an ‘if you’re free next weekend’ or pop in for an hour?
Worth a try, could end up as a really good fun, mixed up night!

I had a ''landmark'' Birthday smack bang in the first lockdown.

I just met DS and his partner for a ''2 metre distanced walk''

His lovely partner made me some little cup cakes, handed over at the gate..they sang ''Happy Birthday'' It was lovely!

I had some really tacky ''garage'' cards as all the shops were closed.

Usually they choose good ones.

It was great fun.