Do you know anybody who will NOT do anything but “family time” at weekends?

[GreenTeaLikesMe]

I know it’s their choice, but it is odd.

A friend who is a member of our local group is moving away soon, so we are going to get together for a drink at our local as a bit of a sendoff. One mum will not be coming because “Basically, for my family, weekends are family time.”

Yes, I know it’s her choice, she can do what she likes, blah blah. I still find it a bit odd. She has always had this very, very rigid rule about not doing anything but “family time” at weekends, no exceptions. If it was a general theme rather than strict rule, I wouldn’t particularly comment, but it seems so inflexible to never make a single exception. I also wonder if her DH is genuinely OK with a family rule that says he can never catch up with a mate at the pub if it’s a Saturday or Sunday.

Maybe it’s just her default line for when she’s not up for coming out? She might hate pub outings or be too drained for evenings out, but finds it simpler to give the family reason

I suspect first comment has nailed the most likely explanation. Many people don't enjoy going out for drinks, for multiple reasons. One of the bonuses of having kids and a partner is having a ready excuse.

I would have assumed so too, but the person in question always turns down anything which is at a weekend! It seems to be a definite rule, not an excuse.

Maybe it is her DH that has made the rule?

Yeah, me. If the opportunity is there to spend time with my husband I’m not interested in anything else. He works long hours and we don’t get much family time so weekends are it.

That is a fair point. I don't actually know for a fact it is her rule rather than his.

Do you always decline weekend social events with non-family people? That seems so strange to me, that someone would never have a couple of hours away on a Saturday, for example.

I have a friend who's similar to this but we've worked out its her partner who expects every weekend to be family time and she goes along with it for an easy life. It's a shame as it has meant the friendship has dwindled a bit and she now doesn't get invited to the girly lunches that happen a few times a year because she kept ignoring the messages to find a date that suited us all. In the end we stopped asking her and went ahead without her. It is a shame as i do think it is anyway of controlling her and stopping her seeing friends.

9 times out of 10 I do, yes, but I’m also a born homebody and prefer my own/my family’s company to almost anything, perhaps I’d feel differently if I were more of a socializer. 😅

We are pretty much a family time at weekends type of family. I don't specifically decline with the excuse of "family time", it's usually more specific as we book most weekends up with trips out, months in advance. So if I was invited out I'd say I have already booked tickets to something, not that I am spending time with my family.

I'm happiest spending time with my family and DH is too, so I prioritise it above going out for drinks or a meal with friends. We like travelling all over the city to visit places so a few hours out of the day to meet with friends won't slot in as we're usually out of the house all day, plus often we tag team our 2 dc so it makes the day less fun if one adult has to look after both of them.

I'm a homebody too, but a lunch with girlfriends twice a year?

I do that on weekdays! I’m fortunate to have a lot of family and childcare nearby, almost any social get togethers I can plan for a time when spending time with DH and the DC wouldn’t be an option anyways. 🤷🏼‍♀️ my weekend plans are basically the same as @pertane

Are the kids able to go out with friends to birthday parties or are they only allowed to be with family?

Nearly everybody on MN and some I know IRL

Then when the kids or DH leave, they are terribly lonely because they put their friends last. Lunch with girlfriends twice a year should not really affect your precious family time.

So what? Her decision is not hurting anyone.

@TMess but what if your friends can't get time off work/childcare during the week and the only time they can do a child free lunch is on a weekend when dad is around? Do you only maintain friends with people who can do weekdays?

Same.

We're all in our fifties. Pretty much all the ones who put a cordon around "family time" are divorced now. And finding it's hard to build a life that includes nice weekends when they have excused themselves from nice weekends for twenty years.

I think all my friends are pretty much on the same page.

I'm the opposite 🤣

Me and my husband have been together so long that we will jump at any opportunity to do things separately!!!!

She could be doing things with others who you don't know. I used to use this as an excuse to not do things with certain people. In reality I still did stuff with other people that I wanted to at weekends and the people I refused by saying 'sorry family time' were not aware.

Even if it is true, it's none of your business.

That’s my parents too. 😂 whatever floats your boat!

I am not saying anyone will get divorced because of spending too.much time with their families. But I have adult DC and frequent the Parents with Adult Children post, and many empty nesters say they are completely bereft because they put all their energy into their DC, and neglected their friends and hobbies. Then the DC upped and left, as they do!

I am not a social butterfly, but I am glad I spent some weekends doing my hobbies and meeting with friends or groups, even when DC were small. They are standing me in good stead now.

I can understand prioritising family but turning down leaving drinks, birthdays etc it BC seems a shame to miss out. Also healthy to have friendships/experiences outside of family.

Dd had a school friend whose dm was very strict on family time.
When the Dof E camping trip fell on a bank holiday weekend the dm wouldn’t let her dd participate because ‘family time.’
The girls on the trip formed a strong bond as they carried on to complete all Dof E stages over the years.
Dd’s friend really lost out on her friendship group, I felt so sorry for her.

Yes