Do you know anybody who will NOT do anything but “family time” at weekends?

[GreenTeaLikesMe]

I know it’s their choice, but it is odd.

A friend who is a member of our local group is moving away soon, so we are going to get together for a drink at our local as a bit of a sendoff. One mum will not be coming because “Basically, for my family, weekends are family time.”

Yes, I know it’s her choice, she can do what she likes, blah blah. I still find it a bit odd. She has always had this very, very rigid rule about not doing anything but “family time” at weekends, no exceptions. If it was a general theme rather than strict rule, I wouldn’t particularly comment, but it seems so inflexible to never make a single exception. I also wonder if her DH is genuinely OK with a family rule that says he can never catch up with a mate at the pub if it’s a Saturday or Sunday.

I’ve got a friend like this, and while I can logically say it’s her decision, a part of me finds it really annoying and a bit smug.

This may be me, but there seems to be an implied judgement there. I don’t think not being with your family for 2 hours over lunch 4 times a year really makes a difference and kids can use that time for more 1-2-1 time with the other parent.

That would be me too!!!! All through the week we are both working, football training, dance classes, drama class so the weekend is family time.

I have used the ‘weekends are family time’ excuse before. But usually it is for an acquaintance who is retired, and does not have children and who thinks because i work full time and am only free at the weekends that this means i clearly want to spend every sunday afternoon with her in the pub. i have a disabled child and a husband who works away and honestly yes the weekends are ringfenced for our small family. I have been more emphatic about the rigid nature of this ‘rule’ because she is a boundary trampler and simply does not take no for an answer and has been known to just rock up on a sunday to insist on dragging me away.

so i am sympathetic to the idea of people having strong boundaries tbh.

I have spent the whole morning catching up with DH and DS. Now going out to meet my book club with friends at 3 and then bk home to watch TV with DH. I think that's a decent balance. I don't want to spend the whole day with them.
Though my DC are grown so I guess it's different.

Each to their own. But it does seem very rigid and inflexible. I would have thought most family time is done during the day depending on the age and popping to a pub to say goodbye at night would not normally impinge much on Family time. If that is the rule does that apply to the kids getting invited to birthday parties, but they can't go because it is family time. It all seems a little sad everything needs to be done with kids and kids in tow. Everybody needs a break and a bit of me time.

Not odd at all personal choice anyway. But definitely a modern phrase and 'item'

Good for her, and really the crux of it is: its their life and they dont need to explain it to anyone else as its their choice. I have friends that have different babysitters/sleep overs every weekend as are out fri and sat and recovering for a large amount of the rest of it. I have a babysitter once in a blue moon and hate being away from my children too often. Just different choices, neithers right or wrong.

I don't know anyone like this. My dc are 10 and 12, but even when they were small, my friends all found time for their friends and interests, often at weekends. Some of my friends I meet for a whole day, but only 4 times a year. I don't have a big family. I see plenty of DC during the week - they do 2 activities each a week but otherwise are home from school by 3.30 and I wfh and am home most evenings. We all have dinner together every evening.

It's not just about my lifestyle - it's about my friends. One is a lone parent and can't get out in the week but has more free weekend time than me. Other friends work part time and we can manage a coffee in the week to catch up. If I wasn't flexible, I wouldn't be able to see my friends, which I can't imagine, as they're very important to me.

OK so I haven't read this whole thread because the amount of people saying 'Why does it bother you?' is just infuriating. She didn't say it bothered her, this is a forum where people have discussions, and she thought it was a talking point for God's sake! Not everything has a 'point' to it in every day conversation does it? If it bothered you to think that it bothered her then just don't look, it's a simple as that.

I must admit I am similar.

I have one child who is four, he’s currently been assessed for ASD. He’s at school all week and then I have to work every Sunday on a 12 hour shift so Saturdays I tend to keep for family time with him and my husband.

it’s not a hard and fast rule though- I do occasionally meet friends for a quick meal on a Saturday evening but that is rare as I just feel so guilty leaving my little boy when it’s the only full day of the week he gets to see me. Since starting school in September he has major separation anxiety with me and with his extra needs I don’t like causing him undue stress. Hopefully it won’t always be like this but for now that is my life and I’m okay with that.

I remember when DC was younger, DH & me working ft.weekends were sacrosanct unless it was something very special.

I understand this when people are so busy during the week. But for us, family time includes doing something together with another family and our kids playing together. That’s mostly how we maintain friendships at this life stage. Then grab the odd drink with friends after work as and when we can.

I have quite strong feelings about this. I'm single and no kids. If all my friends did this, I'd be really lonely at weekends. I think the 'family time' over obsession has had a more negative then positive effect. Christmas now is very family based, whereas I remember being younger and the neighbours would pop round, and someone would be invited to join in - likewise with Sunday Roast- we rarely had one without a friend being invited. I will say though, in real life I know no one so vehement about being at home or only with family as here on MN. My friends are a mix of happily married, married but bored, divorced , single and widowed but all manage to still go out at weekends and always have

My friend's DH demands family time every weekend. Gives her a hard time if she plans ANYTHING. Even hers kids football class is a problem. He then gets hammered and spends all day in bed. She is stuck between a rock and a hard place until she can leave him. Don't hold it against your friend OP, she may not have much choice.

When kids small I was prob like this. Sat was sport/visit elders Sunday our own day. Now I have more freedom so can do wends catchups. You need to keep your friends too

I'm the same, it's family time only at the weekends. Most of my friends don't work full-time, but if they do, I'll see them on a weekday evening.

Kids are now 18.16 and 13 and I'd never gone out for a weekend lunch with friends.

I have seen so many posts on here recently where a woman is complaining about their husband going out at the weekend to see friends / participate in hobbies.
The comments are always on the mum's side, for example.
He should realise he has a family and isn't single anymore.
He should be prioritising his family.
And similar.
Now there is a women that wants to prioritise spending the weekend with her family and she is getting criticised for it.
I don't get invited to social events but my husband does.
If he doesn't want to go he will say something like we have plans as a family that day or my wife is working so I will have the child.
That way he declines the invite in a polite way.

As a single person without children, I haven't had this response from anyone when I've suggested a weekend activity. Perhaps my friends are sensitive enough to know that it would hurt my feelings! I didn't know it was a thing. I don't have kids so can't really comment but I don't think it's how I'd want to operate - when I've been in relationships I've still had weekend plans with friends (maybe this is why my relationships have failed 😂)

But then I guess I do have 'second tier' friends who I probably wouldn't see at the weekend - Wednesday night drinks kind of people. Perhaps your life shifts in that direction!

The posts you're referring to are about men who are out every single weekend, normally playing golf or watching football for 6-8 hours at a time. They're not about men who are just out for two hours down the pub and home the rest of the time.

I wouldn't care. Unless they wanted everyone else to rearrange to do things when it suited her... then I'd be annoyed.

Not everyone has people to step in with parenting, and a lot of Dad's are useless with very young children. They can't all just be left while mummy gets drunk.

This is the crux of the matter. Dads object.

Whole weekend seems a little extreme, have one friend who has a Friday night family night, and another with one Sunday afternoon a month which is non negotiable to ensure everyone is together in their business lifes, always thought it was a good idea.

Why are they ‘useless’? Weaponised incompetence, or do their penises get in the way when they try to change a nappy?

I had a friend who always used to say 'I won't be able to talk in the evenings, as that's family time, I won't be able to meet on weekends, that's family time'. I don't mind her boundaries but it was rubbing it in a bit, especially as she then did want to talk and meet at other times.

I don't feel like this, I like having a relaxed weekend with some family, some friend and some sitting about type of time, I wouldn't go out Fri, Sat and Sun with others, but a meetup with friends at some point, individually or as a family would be great for us.

I don't think it matters if you don't like socializing that much or you prefer to be with your family, but it's a bit odd to keep telling other people about how much lesser importance they are in your life!