Do you know anybody who will NOT do anything but “family time” at weekends?

[GreenTeaLikesMe]

I know it’s their choice, but it is odd.

A friend who is a member of our local group is moving away soon, so we are going to get together for a drink at our local as a bit of a sendoff. One mum will not be coming because “Basically, for my family, weekends are family time.”

Yes, I know it’s her choice, she can do what she likes, blah blah. I still find it a bit odd. She has always had this very, very rigid rule about not doing anything but “family time” at weekends, no exceptions. If it was a general theme rather than strict rule, I wouldn’t particularly comment, but it seems so inflexible to never make a single exception. I also wonder if her DH is genuinely OK with a family rule that says he can never catch up with a mate at the pub if it’s a Saturday or Sunday.

You've never had a weekend lunch with a friend in almost two decades? That's pretty tragic!

I don't have kids, but I am married. I would say 90% of the time we spend our weekends just us 2. It suits us.

I enjoy a girls night away sometimes and see other family socially now and again but I don't have a lot of interest in being "busy" socialising all weekend. My best friend doesn't get it, but I don't get her weekends either. She likes to always be popping to this shop or meeting an acquaintance for a coffee then dinner with her family in the evening etc all weekend long.

I worked abroad for 5 years and was super sociable every single day, and now it just feels a bit draining. I am a homebody or I like to do things on my own (weekend in London etc) I just don't see the need to be around someone else all the time.

This was my first thought reading the OP.

The DH is being difficult about it and OPs friend is using 'family time' as a cover story because she's embarrassed that she's married to such a dick.

I don't think it matters if you prefer family time, you don't need to say that to your friend though, you can just say, we will probably be busy, how about Tue eve. You don't need to bang on about your prioritisation of family life as if no-one else has a family!

This is the crux of it, it’s rude I think like saying to someone you don’t matter as much as my family. Just be normal say Sat is busy as kids have football or whatever no need to use the language “family time.”

Yes, exactly.

It just comes across as though your friends aren't important, which is a pretty unpleasant way to behave, really.

The very phrase ‘family time’ makes my skin crawl. It’s the most bizarre concept ever, and to write your entire weekend time off to it always is concerning. And yes, I have a family. Yes, we do things together. But shock horror, it is the weekend and we are all doing something apart today!

This is me but by family, I mean DH. Saturday is our day together. We do spend it together with other people though. DD is 13 and can join if she likes. She can either be with her friends or us. However, if something important comes up I work around it but it hasn't yet. He's my person and I prefer him to everyone but DD. I do think I'm over the top with it but we work well together.

Agreed. I likewise have a family, and it likewise makes my skin crawl.

If that is the rule does that apply to the kids getting invited to birthday parties, but they can't go because it is family time. It all seems a little sad everything needs to be done with kids and kids in tow. Everybody needs a break and a bit of me time.

I was wondering this.
Does it mean the dc can't go to parties? Does it mean they can't join a dance class / football team / rugby training / drama group / swimming lessons?
What about a Beaver Scout Activity day or {shock horror} a weekend guide camp, or Dof E Expedition ?

People saying they have 'strict boundaries' around "family time" - what happens if you are invited to a wedding of someone close that you would like to attend?

Kids are now 18.16 and 13 and I'd never gone out for a weekend lunch with friends.

How sad.
I'll say again, I suspect there is a correlation between comments like this, and all the "I don't have any friends" and "My dc has gone to University / left home and I am bereft" threads.

Obviously, when you are working ft, and have small dc, usually money is tight and time is very limited, but once your dc are 18, 16, and 13 and can obviously be left for a bit, it seems somewhat martyrish to never meet a friend for a lunch or a day out somewhere.

Mind, the number of threads on MN there are where posters struggle to understand there is a huge middle ground between never going to meet a friend at the weekend, and "getting different babysitters so they can go out every week" and "Mum going out and getting drunk".
I, for example, have two different groups who meet up for a pub lunch once a year. People travel from different parts of the country, and it is so lovely to keep in touch. No-one has eve been drunk at any of these lunches. No-one's family has ever felt deprived of "family time" by their parent taking one day a year (for each group) to do something for themself.
Dh and I don't go out regularly on a Saturday, but, if someone is having a special celebration and it happens to fall on a Saturday, then we make arrangements to go. Like normal people.

It makes me cringe as well (especially when paired with “my little family). It’s like they’re saying that they somehow love their family more than you do, that they’re closer than you are with your family.

Oh FFS. It's just two words "family time". They could mean absolutely anything from "no I I'm too polite to say I don't want to go to your party" to " I don't have childcare. Including my useless husband" to " I work all week and just wanna hang with my kids in our pyjamas and not rush around organising everyone". Poor woman, she IS allowed to say no to your party.

FML why is it so difficult for some people to understand we are all different. We all like different things and what works for you doesn't work for someone else. Why do people have to be so judgy. Get on with your own life and leave her alone. Unless you suspect she is being controlled or is unhappy it's got nothing to do with you. Some people are just happier at home. Get a life!!!!

I’m a bit like this and usually wish people would fuck off and leave me alone rather than getting all uptight when I don’t want to do something even though my presence at an event is neither here nor there in the grand scheme
of things.

People are allowed to discuss things on here without being talked to so aggressively

I think the question for me is does this approach work well longer term, especially when the kids are older? It hasn't worked well for my own parents or for many of the people on the threads where people are bereft after their kids go to uni.

Well op is talking about a colleague saying family time which to me means she keeps work life and her real friends and family time separate… a lot of people don’t like to mix with work people out with work.. can complicate work life. All good having a laugh at work but out with work add booze things can go sour quickly. Really though is it anyone’s business to what reasons they have when it comes to work nights out…

Well op is talking about a colleague saying family time which to me means she keeps work life and her real friends and family time separate

I agree with this, the OP said it was someone in a local group. I'm in some social groups but I dont really want to socialise with them at weekends in addition to weekly meet ups, not because they arent likeable people, but because I do have very little free time. So, that free time would be reserved for my very close friends and family. I dont think that is particularly odd or strange. In fact, in a group meet up it matters even less if one person isnt there surely?

It's judgemental and none of hers or anyone's business. Have a general discussion about this subject but there's no need to centre it around this poor woman who is just living her life and raising her children.

How close is this person OP? If its more an acquaintance she was probably just making a polite excuse.