I really hate my life. It is honestly the most pathetic existence.

[ihatemylife8]

I'm 30. I have no friends. No partner and never had a partner. I've never so much as hugged a man let alone anything more. My job stresses me out and I seem to burn out in jobs every 6 months or so and then leave. I constantly have hives because I'm stressed, and I don't even know why I'm stressed half the time. I live with my parents still and can't afford to rent even a studio. My Mum is literally my only friend. On weekends where she is busy with her own life I just sit at home as I have no one else to do things with.

I really don't know why it's all gone wrong. I was 'normal' as a child and teen but have had a complete failure to launch. I have tried therapy and CBT and they were a waste of time and made me feel worse.

That does sound depressing.

What is it about your jobs that stresses you out?

Do you have hobbies/ are there things you would find interesting but haven't tried? What happened with your friendships from school?

Can you rent a room? Retrain or take further qualifications? Join a dating app? Check out meetup.com to see what's going on locally?

I feel so sad to read this - making friends as an adult is hard. Do you have any hobbies? Could you join some groups for people with those interests? Otherwise, volunteering is an amazing way to meet people. Take one small step and don't be put off if it doesn't work instantly.

So sorry to read this, OP.

Some questions to try to unpick your situation and help people make suggestions:

a) what kind of work do you do? Do you have a profession or do you move between different things? Do you have jobs normally associated with burnout, or do you experience that regardless of the job?

b) Have you sought medical help for your stress or tried exercise, yoga, meditation etc?

c) Would you consider joining a club, eg local history, reading group, hiking club, to allow you to spend time with other people?

I agree about the volunteering. It's a great way to make friends and to do something to help society at the same time.

This isn't good. What do you do for work?
Can you start a hobby? That is an open door to making friends.

What field do you work in — can you retrain? You must have some ideas about your own failure to launch. What is it you think has held you back ?

Hi OP. I live on my own with no kids and no partner. I do have friends but I don't see them much because I moved a little further away. I don't like my job either and I suffer terribly with anxiety and overthinking. So kind of a bit similar to you.

I do LOADS of things by myself, would you not do that too? Why do you have to sit at home all day because you don't have company? Sometimes having company can be a total pain in the arse! You're free... enjoy your time if you can. Join a gym? Book a trip? Connect with nature and get fresh air? Have a browse around the library and find some interesting books to read? Try out some new recipes? There are literally loads of things you can do by yourself.

Chin up mate x

What sort of job do you do OP? Can you pinpoint what it is that is stressing you out and making you burn out? Have you ever been able to make friends through work?

It may not be for you. But when I moved to a new city where I knew nobody I started going to church. I'm not even particularly religious although I've always found churches peaceful and I like the singing. But it helped me feel like I was getting out and around other people. They had such a friendly and welcoming church community that I made friends quite quickly. Just a thought.

I agree. OP would be so welcome in our church, even if she is a non believer. We would take care of her from a pastoral and fellowship perspective.

Autistic burnout?

This sounds so, so tough. I can relate to some of it (I find close friendships tricky and cannot do romantic relationships at all/have never had a long term relationship) but the combination of isolating factors you have is pretty extreme and I can see how you just end up giving up and 'accepting your fate'. The things that help me are:

1. my hobby is theatre - the people that do amateur dramatics are really, really diverse and often 'different' in some way. Huge age range, lots are single, lots are childless, lots have mental health issues, lots have something they struggle with like ND, sexuality, gender confusion etc. Not meaning to make us all sound really unappealing, there are also lots of people without any of those challenges! But I find it an incredibly accepting and friendly environment with lots going on socially as well as rehearsals (which are structured fun - very helpful if you're socially awkward and anxious like me). You don't even have to be a performer, you can join as crew/wardrobe/front of house etc.

2. I go to church. My faith is quite struggling/weak to be honest but nobody there minds. They are a totally accepting group of people who will make sure that absolutely everybody is invited, welcome and included in everything. You can't find yourself left on the outside. Especially if it's quite a small church. And you don't have to have a faith to attend. You can go just to find human connection.

3. I love my job and I've been in the same school (different roles) for a very, very long time. So that gives me purpose, connection, identity and enjoyment. Some of my closest friends are my colleagues. If you move jobs a lot then you don't get that sense of belonging and fulfilment. Is there a direction you know you'd like to move in, career wise? Do you have qualifications? If you do and you can find something you like enough to stick at, you might be able to up your earning potential and get your own place.

You are not a failure.
Nothing extra to add thst others haven't said but couldn't read and run.
Start to make changes, one small thing at a time.
You are not a failure.

x post with other people recommending church - don't want it to come across like an evangelism pile on!! I probably wouldn't have mentioned it if I'd noticed other people already had. But it's still true - all comers made very welcome.

Are you autistic op?? My DH also dont have friends turns out he is autistic and since diagnosis he is understand more why he is different

Be brave OP and explore all opportunities to make new friends. This will open your life up completely.

Your local Facebook is a great place to start. Evening classes, volunteering, ads in the library, local gym, clubs such as tennis, badminton, squash, walking, drama etc etc.

By turning up regularly to an activity you will meet new people that will likely lead to new friendships if you are open minded, pleasant and friendly. It may seem a slow process but will bring dividends.

Online dating is another option.

Just small steps and perseverance will make such a difference. Staying bogged down as you are won’t lift you out of the situation. You can do this. But please please try and don’t put it off.

I am in the same boat, no friends, no partner because men aren’t interested in me, living at home, feeling really down and lonely most of the time. I have tried meeting people through hobbies, volunteering, dating sites, meet up but no success so far. I feel your pain and hope your situation can change.

Sounds do hard. Can you go step by step. Start by sorting work situation and find something you enjoy. Can you live somewhere with more affordable housing.

That is so lovely to read🙏

You’d be surprised how many people are in the same position, OP. I work with young people and many of them are spending their three years at university in pretty much complete social isolation. You aren’t a failure, I am sure you have loads of great qualities, and given it sounds like you would like things to be different, you have an excellent chance of changing things. Some really good advice above, I would also definitely recommend volunteering - if you choose something sociable you’ll meet people who are usually kind and compassionate, and you’ll build your self esteem through doing something for others. I’d also suggest drawing a line under the past and focus on positive thoughts of the future. What we think really does influence what happens. So use phrases like “until now”, “before now”, “previously” etc when you’re having negative thoughts to distance yourself from them. “Up til now I have struggled to form new relationships” feels very different to “I struggle to form new relationships”. “Previously counselling hasn’t helped, maybe I didn’t connect with those two individuals” is a world away from “counselling doesn’t work for me” if that makes sense? You deserve to be happy and I genuinely believe you can be, you sound really nice from your post - you don’t blame anyone else for the situation, I am sure you would make a lovely friend / partner and believe me there are so many lonely people out there. There are also apps that connect you with people who want to make friends, you have to be careful with the motivation of people there but plenty of genuine people around. I really hope you find some positives, I admire your bravery and honesty.

Attention deficit can cause rapid burnout in work roles. I'm sorry you are going through this op.

Make a list of Goals with steps for how to go about achieving them. There's a really helpful book called "the courage to be disliked" that has some interesting ideas.

Save up for a year and go travelling? I felt like that when I was 29 (but different in that I’d endured a short and crap marriage). No friends and no prospects. Upped and off and ended up having a reasonable life.

Did anything traumatic happen to you between childhood and adulthood?

can you join a sports club. You will make friends through that be doing something and will feel better.

Hey op look all these people want to help you online (and that can be full of wankers!) so in real life it will be the same. Just need to find your people!