I really hate my life. It is honestly the most pathetic existence.

[ihatemylife8]

I'm 30. I have no friends. No partner and never had a partner. I've never so much as hugged a man let alone anything more. My job stresses me out and I seem to burn out in jobs every 6 months or so and then leave. I constantly have hives because I'm stressed, and I don't even know why I'm stressed half the time. I live with my parents still and can't afford to rent even a studio. My Mum is literally my only friend. On weekends where she is busy with her own life I just sit at home as I have no one else to do things with.

I really don't know why it's all gone wrong. I was 'normal' as a child and teen but have had a complete failure to launch. I have tried therapy and CBT and they were a waste of time and made me feel worse.

Why don’t you look into a few of the different suggestions that people have made on here this week. Then come back to tell us and get some online encouragement. Even if you just look into one thing this week it’s a small start.

@ihatemylife8

scouting or guiding would be an excellent option, It’s so rewarding and fulfilling. Meet friends for life .
you sound lovely and I bet you’re got loads to give x

Charity shops often cry out for weekend volunteers. It would get you out and you would meet new people all the time.

If only there was more people like you about🙂

Could be autistic burnout and agree with pp that you need to find 'your people'

Church is a great suggestion - loads of folks your age come together at church and church groups.

Do you like board games? Some larger towns and cities across the UK have board games groups where you could get into something like Dungeons and Dragons.

Or - what about a local theatre group? Even helping out behind the scenes.

The charity shop idea is also really good. All these things build confidence is a low pressure environment.

Hi OP, just to echo pp who said just because therapy didn't work last time doesn't mean it can't. You've got to find a therapist who 'clicks' with you, someone who listens, sympathises but also challenges you.

Also, hives don't help with getting out. Any way you can get allergies checked, see a dermatologist or similar?

There's nothing wrong with you, social life is just hard. Hope it gets easier.

OP I think you are a lot less pathetic than you realise , honestly ; you have managed to work in jobs and keep going with new ones even when they stress you . You have a mum you are close to. You have hopefully a home you feel happy in and seem very stable. Please don't be hard on yourself, I think you are doing amazingly and you sound great to me.

try reading a book called the Power of positivity (you can borrow it from the library I expect or listen to it for free on you tube but I find reading it easier to get its strong message.) it will definitely encourage you no end as it did me when I was feeling a bit similar to you but for very different reasons (feeling I haven't achieved anything and it really helped me feel more positive )

keep us posted as I think you sound a very valuable and good person so don't be disheartened

Hi OP. Im sorry you are struggling just now. After the covid lockdown and the impact of all of that on everything it's no wonder you feel like this. I think it's a hidden thing but that so many people feel the same. It's okay to still be getting to grips with things at your age, there's no shame in still being at the stage where you're trying to figure things out and the path ahead can seem unclear. There is also no shame in still living with your parents and no rush to move out until you feel ready both emotionally and financially. Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. It's nice to describe your mum as your friend, what a great relationship to cherish. I bet you have a lot more going for you than you realise. I know what its like to feel the way you do but I promise things will get better for you. Please consider joining a club of some sort or volunteering. There are also apps that can help you meet new friends like Bumble (it's not just for dating). Chatting to go, more counselling is worth a try. You've reached out on here and that takes courage. Well done. The 'failure to launch ' struck me. You haven't failed. You're 100% worthy just as you are. Life really is a journey. This is just a stage. Do something nice for yourself tomorrow if you can . Try to make a real conscious effort to lift your mood. You can do this! I'll be rooting for you.

I meant GP not go

Am sorry op that sounds really crap, whereabouts in the country do you live if you don't mind me asking?

@PennyApril54 what a lovely post ❤️

To those recommending churches, are there any particular ‘flavour’ that are likely to be most welcoming or does denomination not matter?

Please stop judging yourself; many more people are in your position than anybody realises. I beat myself up for years about being unable to connect with anyone outside my family and my inability to get a job, before realising that I'm not a uniquely terrible person, just an autistic one.

To be honest, I never found CBT or counselling particularly helpful, and volunteering and evening classes just depressed me more as they reminded me how awkward and unlikable most people find me. What did help was letting go of the pressure to make myself socially acceptable which was never going to happen and choosing to focus on my family and hobbies rather than the things my particular strain of neurodivergence has put out of reach.

Wow! If anyone saw this they'd think it's me! I had some friends though but:

1. had endured a short and crap marriage
2. was 29
3. no prospects
4. upped and off went travelling

Currently living a reasonable life!

In the same boat, although a few years older. I think I realised as a kid that life's shit and what's the point in bothering. I've had anhedonia as long as I can remember so never been remotely interested in life. It's very overrated, I'm just here because my mum wanted babies at the end of the day.

@Blondiney I have a couple of friends who found a great social life, in fact one found his wife, at the more evangelical churches. Churches that have a pastor rather than a vicar or priest. They tend to have a younger congregation.

OP would your parents be open to you getting a dog? You may already have pets, but if you don't, dogs are amazing. They get you out of the house and you meet lots and lots of people and you have a best friend for life.

You’re so young OP I really hope you can turn this around and have an amazing life by the time you’re 40. Saving up to go backpacking, find a club to join for a new hobby, volunteering, doing regular exercise might all widen your social circle and get you on a better path.

You’ve only done one decade of adulthood - you could have 5 or 6 more to go! It’s not over yet.

I spent my 20’s with an awful person. It’s like an old dream to me now.

Honestly, you have the world at your feet.

My siblings are similar in regards to not having relationships ever. I honestly don’t think either of them dated. They’re in their late 40s and I think for both maybe a bit late to have kids. Maybe not to meet someone (except I imagine the person will likely have a bit of baggage but they seem uninterested in dating). They were also glued to home base for ages. They have both finally moved into their own places. Both struggle with jobs.

If I could tell their 30 year old selves something in the past, it would be, join online dating (I met my husband this way). Don’t expect to meet the love of your life immediately and have fun. Join tons of social groups online and in person.

Head outside on the weekends and set your own adventure.

You can only rescue yourself, no one will do it for you.

Good luck OP!

Sounds like you're suffering the tyranny of those birthdays that end in a zero. Have you only just turned 30 and are thinking that you "should" have achieved so much more by now? There's no right or wrong route through life. Don't worry about ticking off all those milestones. You'll do what you want to do in your own time, at your own pace.

Follow the kind advice from these lovely posters and you'll find your way out of the current morass. I heard someone say recently "no feeling is final" and it's true. You've got so many years ahead to find out what you want to do work-wise and to find your own tribe. And you will.

Get out there next weekend - if only for a walk in the park and a coffee afterwards.

In the words of Bobby McFerrin - "Don't Worry, Be Happy" Listen to the song, read the lyrics. And give your folks a big hug !🙂

I worry for my daughter in terms of this. She's 19, has adhd and autism and describes me as her best friend. I want her to have a full life with a family but I can't help but feel and worry it's going to be difficult for her.

She does have a tendency to 'wait' and something you said about if your mum is busy you hang around sitting at home. She will do this. I went to the park yesterday for a long walk and she was waiting for me when I got back. You have to push yourself and not do this for both yourself and your mums sake.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through so much. Have you tried telework jobs? Have you tried joining clubs that would interest you? Maybe you just haven’t found the one yet. Trust me, you will find that prince charming one day. Everyone thinks they’re a failure, but I assure you, that you’re not. Maybe just a late bloomer? Some find their happiness early, some don’t find it until decades later. I hope you will find your happiness soon, OP. Don’t give up. We all have a purpose in life and sometimes it’s just in front of us all along. There’s so much to be thankful for in this life. You wake up everyday with a purpose. Live. Laugh. Love. Hugs to you!

Try night classes your furthering your skills and meeting new people. Agree try speed dating or online paid date websites my friend recently met someone she’s 41 through this method. I’m down to about one friend don’t feel down it happens. Dance class etc see what’s going on in your local area. Takes a while to form friendships just get yourself out and about more. Theatre would help with social skills too.

What sort of work do you do? Have you done any further study or training after school? Is there anything you would be interested in doing?

Do you think you suffer from anxiety, depression or poor self esteem? Would you be willing to try some sort of counselling or life coaching again?

Are you sure of your sexuality? What happened to your friends from school?

I'm just trying to get a big picture view of your life to see what I can suggest. I have been where you are now when I was in my early twenties and it is incredibly hard.