I really hate my life. It is honestly the most pathetic existence.

[ihatemylife8]

I'm 30. I have no friends. No partner and never had a partner. I've never so much as hugged a man let alone anything more. My job stresses me out and I seem to burn out in jobs every 6 months or so and then leave. I constantly have hives because I'm stressed, and I don't even know why I'm stressed half the time. I live with my parents still and can't afford to rent even a studio. My Mum is literally my only friend. On weekends where she is busy with her own life I just sit at home as I have no one else to do things with.

I really don't know why it's all gone wrong. I was 'normal' as a child and teen but have had a complete failure to launch. I have tried therapy and CBT and they were a waste of time and made me feel worse.

My thoughts. OP nothing to be ashamed about please speak to GP about your MH and possible indications for autism. My child is just recovering from autistic burnout. No cure but self awareness and self care will help you understand and cope. Perhaps a part time job you can sustain would be another approach.

I'm really sorry you're going through all this. It sounds like you might be depressed. Maybe consider an antidepressant for a while to get you on your feet. Your GP can advise you. Honestly it's life changing when you find the right one. Best of luck with everything.

It’s complicated.

The current absence of joy, adventure and forward motion in her life is depressing - and needs addressing immediately.

It may be that she has arrived at this point because she has been hampered by clinical depression. Which might mean she will struggle, or find it impossible, to take the opportunity offered by this unexpected redundancy.

But it would be a shame if any drug had the effect of dulling the intense frustration she feels with her current living situation when that frustration is justified.

Or if any proposed programme of talking therapy were to tie her down to her current locality when she might otherwise have the freedom to move.

Why is everyone saying it's neurodiversity? I feel exactly the same as OP and I'm not on the spectrum I just find life hugely disappointing.

@ihatemylife8 you haven’t outlined what level of academic or professional qualifications you have.

Obviously if you don’t have a degree that is a path that is entirely open to you - though I would suggest looking at universities some distance away from home.

If you have a first degree this might be a good time to consider a postgraduate course - for which you would almost certainly be eligible for a Government Postgraduate Loan.

https://www.gov.uk/funding-for-postgraduate-study

(Obviously you may be well beyond this level of study - if you care to clarify it will make it easier for posters to make helpful suggestions.)

It may not be ND but op says she burns out on jobs every six months or so and doesn’t know why she is stressed half of the time. Those are two big clues. As is not responding well to therapy or CBT.

On the other hand she says she was “normal” as a child and teen and that needs investigating further. Sometimes autistic women do cope better within a supportive timetabled structure like a school and then go to pieces im the adult world.

No one should be diagnosing from behind a keyboard and there isn’t enough information to go on here anyway, but surely it’s worth considering? If op is found to be autistic, it could help her navigate life more strategically, avoiding major triggers.

Op: I have just read your update about your unexpected redundancy. I am very sorry you are going through this but perhaps it could be the catalyst to investigate why things are going wrong for you employment wise. Did the manager give you any feedback?

I'm so sorry OP. For all of it. I've had anxiety my whole life and I'm starting to suspect im ND as well. I've never found life, jobs, friends easy. Couldn't understand why everyone did, and I was weirdo. Can you relate to any of this?? It was such a comfort to me to suspect that I am ND and not pathetic. You aren't pathetic either. Where you are is just a starting point.

Just reading through your comments now and have a few answers to some of the questions that keep coming up.

I had (!) a good, professional job. I have two degrees in my field, and enjoyed my actual work most of the time but found the social aspects difficult. I don't think retraining will help (I did try that a few years ago). I think the issue is me, rather than the jobs if that makes sense. I think I will struggle my whole career until I retire. It is a pattern where I like the job whilst I am in the early stages and trying to impress/settle in, and then as soon as it feels more secure it starts to feel monotonous yet anxiety-inducing. My industry is very sociable - lots of after-work drinks and I hate it, even though I desperately want friends and like the idea of going to them. I either lie to get out of going to them, or agree to going to them and then leave after a few minutes as I get overwhelmed. I have spent many evenings on the train home in tears after yet another failed attempt at forcing myself to go to the drinks. I was never like this when younger.

The idea of putting myself out there and joining groups or clubs terrifies me. I currently have no hobbies and I am rubbish at sports. The idea of going to church feels safe, so I will definitely consider that. I think I am really missing that sense of community, and I feel like I have a lot of energy and time to give others so would love to volunteer.

As a teenager I was very shy to anyone outside of my immediate family or immediate group of friends. I did always have a good group of friends though. I would also rely on my friends a lot to navigate social situations for me. I have lost contact with them all as we went on very different paths in life and/or they moved away. I was scared of boys/relationships - in year 10 a boy asked me out in quite a public way at school and I literally couldn't eat for several days from the stress of it. I didn't know how to handle it, everyone was talking about it and I was suddenly centre of attention of my year group which I hated.

You have a small social battery that's easily depleted, like me. Even when I'm enjoying myself with a friend I get antsy and need to leave after a couple of hours. It was really useful for me to understand this. Only took 50 years!

I don't think you have to have full on Adhd or similar, but still share some of the traits, as OP has displayed. It's not helpful to feel pathetic and self loathing and more positive to think that maybe your just wired a bit differently and it's not your fault.

ihatemylife8 · Today 20:05
''I think I am really missing that sense of community, and I feel like I have a lot of energy and time to give others so would love to volunteer.''

You say you are missing the sense of community: where did you have that? I got the impression from your posts that you didn't like that,

Begin there. Think back to what you really liked about that time. If you miss something, then that is the place to decide what to do next. There was something at that time which you now wish you have. You can take your mind back and see how that would fit in with another job, and search jobs.

Have you joined Linkedin? You may be able to go through other members and see what opportunities are there.

Have you consulted an AI company? You may be able to find new work there.

Have you been tested for neurodiversity?
How you are sounds very familiar.
It’s not a bad thing if you are, you’ll be able to get the right support to help you move forward.

Also to add to this, normal is subjective.

I'm a late diagnosed adult because my abnormal behaviour as a child was the same as my mums and my uncles and my grandparents behaviour, we're all slowly getting our diagnoses because shock horror, our behaviour was only normal in our circle.

At my history interview the assessor asked my mum what I was like as a child and my mum said "oh just like a normal child" and then riffed off a whole list of concerned restrictive and repetitive behaviours and social deficits while I watched the assessor scribble things down and count on her fingers as the points totted up.

This isn't an isolated case and I have heard this rhetoric from other late diagnosed adults too. OPs first post very accurately described my entire adult and professional life.

I hope op gets some fire in her belly to go and ask these questions to the right people. There is a reason why things keep going wrong for OP it's not simply bad luck. I'd hate for OP to be ND and be trying to fit into NT standards and wondering why she's just getting no where and trying harder until she's burnt out.

Hello! No age limit —not that I’m aware of. Many of the longer standing leaders were in their 70s and 80s.

Have a look online at their website and then locate your closest group and discuss what you would like to do /the level of commitment you would like to offer.

There are squirrels, beavers and cubs - younger sections and then scouts and explorers older children/teens.

I’m no longer a leader but I know many people who have been for many years. It was a wonderful way to spend some social time.

Thank you for all the info👍 Am looking for a fulfilling hobby

Don't forget there's also the Rainbows, Brownies and Girl Guides!

I fail to see what you are driving at.

Good job the comment wasn’t for you then

You really need to focus on what interests you, and what you want out of your life. It sounds as if you just drifted into jobs to have a little money.
decide what you want to do , train to do it and launch.
When I was 30 I changed careers completely, went to college retrained and launched a freelance career. I used savings-so you may need to postpone while you save- find your passion and pursue it, the worst that can happen is it doesn't work-but you'll be no worse off, and you will have tried.

Don’t be depressed, I’m exactly the same and 35 now you’re making me feel bad 😂😂😂

I'll be your friend OP as long as you're not a dangerous person. Everyone needs at least 1 person

This is the modern world. Isolated and cold. If I were your age and in your position I would seriously consider joining the military. You will be part of a big machine, have a career, pension and be around lots of people in a big community. You will move out, make friends and live a life. You are still young enough to do it. Don't wake up at 40 in this position.

When I was 30 I felt like you. The thing that changed everything for me was when I decided to volunteer. I volunteered at lots things but mainly helping people to read. Through volunteering I made friends, got a really interesting job and grew my confidence. It wasn't overnight but it did change my life completely. I still volunteer... If you want to help yourself, help others. It's true.