I really hate my life. It is honestly the most pathetic existence.

[ihatemylife8]

I'm 30. I have no friends. No partner and never had a partner. I've never so much as hugged a man let alone anything more. My job stresses me out and I seem to burn out in jobs every 6 months or so and then leave. I constantly have hives because I'm stressed, and I don't even know why I'm stressed half the time. I live with my parents still and can't afford to rent even a studio. My Mum is literally my only friend. On weekends where she is busy with her own life I just sit at home as I have no one else to do things with.

I really don't know why it's all gone wrong. I was 'normal' as a child and teen but have had a complete failure to launch. I have tried therapy and CBT and they were a waste of time and made me feel worse.

It sounds like you just haven't yet found your path. Maybe it stems from being in the wrong job so you're just not in the right mindset. Think long and hard about what makes you happy, fulfilled and something you are good at ( or would like to be good at ). Once you do that , you will find like minded people to share good times with. Even if it means re training / college course etc - you will organically meet people. That whole experience will open doors for you and change the path of your life.
As previous posters have said - find a hobby you like , take a class ( dancing , cooking , artwork ). Also check out FB - lots of walking clubs, meet ups for people on their own. I like my own company and like others have said , there are things to do alone and done feel awkward about that. However, if it's friendship you seek - get out and seek it . It won't come knocking!! It only takes one small change to have a domino effect on your life. Good luck

Might be worth working out your strengths and weaknesses at work, what you enjoy at work and have some specific career change counselling. Training courses are a good way to meet new people. Rather than thinking about friendship just think about widening acquaintances and practice conversation skills. Agree with other posters our society is difficult for many. For most of humans existence we lived in tribes so skills for making friends were less needed and now in the UK housing has got expensive so a flat share is more difficult.however if you see a good job opportunity far away it could be worth the life experience for you.

Early mid life crisis

I do not know where you live but whoever miss the train in some places in the U.K. struggle. Everything is very complicated but meeting new people naturally it seems to only happens when you have kids or get a new job with people with similar interest. I am pretty sure it is not you. At least I know many people feel the same. Could you travel or move abroad? I would advise a break if possible.

You need a soft launch OP from a place where people are very inclusive, happy to include newcomers and where there is 'all sorts' to maximise your chances of finding people you click with who are also looking for friends. There can be all sorts of reasons people end up in your situation, mostly rooted in chance, where you end up working, who crosses your path, and there are many great people who just haven't found each other. I'd echo strongly volunteering or faith based activities because they tend to tick the soft launch boxes well. Volunteering is an excellent way to bond over shared activities and a good organisation encourages a social side.

Do you like reading? I read Buddha in Your Mirror book many years ago, never looked back. There are a lot of practicing Buddhists in the UK. We chant Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo twice daily (min 5 minutes) to put our lives in harmony with the Universe. We believe all the life's solutions are inside us and we chant to draw out wisdom, courage and compassion (towards ourselves and others) to see those solutions. More on Nam-Myoho-Renge-Kyo pronunciation and meaning on our website SGI-UK.

I would definitely join some groups.
https://www.ramblers.org.uk/go-walking/ramblers-groups/metropolitan-walkers-group

The Ramblers have groups all over and some that cater specifically to those in their 20s and 30s. They are usually really lovely welcoming groups.

I've also found churches a great way to meet people.

I would second the idea of saving up to go travelling.

Identifying that you want to change is great. You need to take it one step at a time. What needs "fixed" first - job? Hobbies? Friends? Love? Living situation?

As a pp said I wonder about neurodiversity as well.

How about going on one of those organised holidays for groups of single travellers, maybe centred around something you enjoy, walking? A sport? Visiting a culturally significant place. You'd meet like minded single people who are in the same boat and are open to friendship.

Hi OP, I'm in a similar situation relationship-wise, but a few years older and feeling a bit better about it. While I did have a good social circle until a few years ago, most of my good friends have moved away from the city where I live so that they can start families somewhere more affordable - this has left me with one good friend in the city, and a few friendly co-workers and acquaintances. I also want to leave, but am stuck here for the moment because my job and parents are here.

A previous poster mentioned that you'd be surprised at how many people are in this kind of situation - I agree, and I think it's just that people who feel socially isolated won't talk about it much, so you end up thinking that you are the only one. In my 20s, I felt so horrible about never having had a boyfriend, but I've stopped caring and I just don't really talk about it with anyone in real life, so nobody is judging me for it. I also realised that I wasn't the only one in this situation, which helped me to feel better.

Personally, I've found it helpful to take group exercise classes as a way of meeting new people while also staying healthy, and sometimes I end up making friends with someone and hanging out outside of the class time. Of course, you might want to do something else (art class, volunteering, etc.). I think this can also be a good way to build your confidence in low-stakes social situations before trying to date. Or maybe you will even meet someone to date at something like this.

Also, I would encourage you to try doing things on your own. I think the cinema is a good first thing to try if you are nervous about going out alone, because you sit there in a dark room with nobody looking at you anyways. Similarly, if you want to check out a new restaurant but don't have someone to go with, maybe try to fit it in a day of errands. Try to think of a solo outing in a positive way - not "I am eating alone at a restaurant", but "I am out running errands and thought I would have lunch at this new restaurant while I'm at it".

My first thought is also autistic burn out, give fern bradys book a read and see if it relates! She talks about the difficulties of staying in a job and stress from office environments.

How about booking a holiday or even a short break specifically designed for solos/single people, where you can meet others and won’t feel out of place? Maybe a residential course to learn something new? It could be something active like hiking/ water sports / climbing to challenge yourself physically. Or maybe something creative like a painting or pottery course in a beautiful location, or perhaps a yoga retreat? Either in this country or abroad, depending on budget. It would give you something to look forward to and create opportunities to meet new people.

I too wondered if there might be ND

You sound so unhappy OP
Or maybe an anxiety disorder. I had a friend with a diagnosed anxiety disorder who completely refused to take medication for it. When she finally did in her 40s it totally transformed her life.

It’s really hard to force yourself out to do things when you feel crap about yourself and anxious. But I do think it’s important to do this. At times in life when I have had no friends I’ve joined and gone to a lot of things. If you go to the same things regularly, you get to know people. They may not turn into friends outside that activity. But just being busy and doing things with other people really lifts you and stops you feeling lonely.

Also doing things you enjoy, especially if around other people is a great stress relief.

A good therapist is a god send but they are few and far between. Mine said, ‘if nothing changes everything stays the same’ so you will have to force yourself through to make changes, and that may be hard, but worth it in the long term.

I wondered this too. Have a google OP, see if it fits you.

Hi OP. I second the suggestions on here. I was just like you except even older...I didn't have my first kiss until I was 32. It was a source of massive shame even though it shouldn't have been at all. I lived at home and worked short term jobs as I just couldn't hold them. I was battling mental health issues and couldn't understand why I seemed to be such a screw-up as I'd had a happy childhood.

I was then diagnosed with autism and suddenly it all made sense. I made peace with my past. I switched careers and moved into the community/charity sector where I met my husband. We have our own home and four children.

I got active at my Church (Catholic in my case) and volunteered in conservation. I also got active online for women's and girls' well-being and e-met many fantastic women which took the edge of my loneliness at the start.

Don't give up. Perseverance really is key.

I was going to say just this about the organised holidays. They look great!

A you super motivated to get a job then excellent at it like the dream employee then suddenly crash, slow down and quit?

It might not be but thats a common symptom of bipolar.

As many here have suggested, if it IS autistic burnout then a lot of typical ways of making friends won't really work. An app for meeting random strangers sounds like the 7 pits of hell if you're neurodivergent. Having to make small talk with someone you have nothing in common with in hopes they might like you enough to make it a lasting friendship. Same for organised singles holidays. Too much disruption in routine, unpredictability plus many of the people who attend those events are slightly odd characters. If OP is autistic, she needs to be wary about meeting total strangers because it could easily end up in a situation where her trust or desire for human connection gets taken advantage of. Especially lone, middle-aged men who eagerly join meetup apps or organised outings should come with big fucking red flags on them.

Starting with an existing hobby or special interests is more realistic. The majority of ND friends I know started out in online communities related to their special interest which then turned into local events/meetups and eventually friendships or even marriages and kids. Social media plays a massive role, where there isn't the huge pressure of having to constantly make real life "dates" for coffee or activities. People stay in touch over Instagram, chat or whatever, and then arrange meetups at conventions or events. Eventually it gets to a point where it's easy for those who click to meet up one on one without it seeming forced.

This is a great suggestion. I think a complete change would be good.

I personally couldn't do this, my sister did 2 gap years. I knew I needed structure (I'm autistic) so I went on 2-3 week tours through countries I was interested in and had a fantastic time. Look into a company like Intripid.

I do volunteering with Age U.K. where I phone an elderly person once a week for a natter and we have such a laugh. Doing something like that would be great for both of you but would also (hopefully) help to build your confidence to join groups in real life. I’d start with small groups such as a board game group or a book club. It’s easier where you can talk about the interest first before getting to know people. Good luck 🤞

I'm so sorry you're struggling OP. Being an adult can be really hard, it sounds like you're in a rut, but that doesn't make you a failure.

Try some of the suggestions on here and please let us know how you get on

I'm so sorry you're struggling OP. Being an adult can be really hard, it sounds like you're in a rut, but that doesn't make you a failure.

Try some of the suggestions on here and please let us know how you get on

This is a fantastic idea. I would have loved to do this. From friends and acquaintances that have done it, it's really changed their lives and they have "found themselves".

Also, I recommend dating apps but for friends. I recently moved and I'm using BFF, it's by bumble but for friends. You can choose to only see females or males, an age range and radius. You create your own profile and put the things you like to do on there. I really recommend it.

Don't be silly! Loads and loads of people are on them for a start, but also, why would it come up on an application / in a job interview?

The thing is, if you're anxious and it stops you holding down a job / going out and meeting people, then you feel anxious about your career / lack of friendships, you get a cycle of decline. Even if it is a "sticking plaster", it's much better than walking about with an open wound. Going on Sertraline for me, literally turned my life around and I've never been calmer, happier or more successful. If it's somehow fake or wrong, I'll take it over the alternative any day!

But even though I'm sure you meant it in a kind and helpful way, comments like those can stop people accessing medication that will really, really help them.

Re anxiety and burnout, I too am wondering about autism.
I am in my fifties, late diagnosed. Don't think I ever "launched"? Not sure what that means exactly. I never held down a job, never married, never had children, if that's what it means.
But I don't feel bad about it now, because I was made differently. My current life is happy.

I hope you find what you're looking for, OP, including a way to manage your anxiety and stress. And I hope you find your people.

Question for those who say you can attend church if not a believer: when everyone's talking afterwards, how do you say you don't believe? It would feel like a lie not to say it, but also seems odd/rude just to.announce it?