How would you read this email from the swimming teacher?

[Overwhelmedandout]

DD (just turned 7, starting Y2) has moved into a new group at swimming and has a new teacher. DD’s not terrible - can swim a couple of lengths, etc.

She has always had issues with concentration. I have suspected for some time that she might have ADHD but her teachers, while commenting on her lack of concentration, seem to think that she’s too young to be able to draw an accurate conclusion.

This evening, completely out of the blue, I’ve had an email from the head of the swimming school, stating that:

“[Teacher] says that [DD] is very capable but because she lacks focus, and doesn’t always listen, she isn’t refining her technique, and her stroke can be quite messy.”

They want me to “speak to her to make sure she gets the most out of her swimming lessons” and moves into the next group after Christmas. I did, and she cried for an hour, and we have all gone to bed upset.

I figured that she must have been pretty naughty for them to send this kind of email. I’ve definitely never had one before, in years of lessons for the DC. Would you read this as “she’s causing chaos in the lesson / setting fire to the other kids” or “she’s daydreaming and isn’t improving her technique”? If it’s the former then fair enough, and she deserves a telling off. If it’s the latter… well, to be honest, I can’t get all upset about a Y2 child having a messy swimming stroke/ if she doesn’t move up a group in four months. But it must have been quite bad, surely - it would be insane to send me a random email telling me that a 7 year old’s swimming stroke is messy and I must tell her off for it?!

I'm presuming from what you've said that you don't watch the classes otherwise presumably you'd know.

Maybe you can arrange to watch or to swim at the same time?

But they didn’t tell you to tell her off, just to speak to her about it. She’s very young though and it seems a bit intense. They could have worded it more gently.

i would imagine that maybe she has been enough of a handful for them to bother emailing…or, maybe they’re being uptight. Can you sit in on a lesson or is it within school time?

Where did they tell you to tell her off? They asked you to speak to her. It sounds like a perfectly reasonable email to me.

I think I'd read it that her swimming ability is outstripping her ability to pay attention to the detail in the lessons (fair enough as it's a hobby and she's young) so her progress may slow now.

I don't think you needed to give out to her, just give her lots of positive encouragement about listening to the teacher and perfecting her stroke.

If it makes you feel better, my 6yo has been having lessons for over a year and a half and still won't put her face in the water. Sounds like your DD is flying!

We aren’t allowed to, except for the last week of the term. She has absolutely been daydreaming (to the extreme) when I’ve watched on previous occasions but wasn’t being unkind to anyone or stopping the other kids swimming or anything. A bit of ducking under the water when she should have been listening (which I’ve already spoken to her about several times - that when we’re in the water she absolutely has to listen to the grown up in charge to make sure she’s staying safe, etc).

I don’t know. She’s so little. No idea why you aren’t allowed to be there? Maybe find a different swim school. The one we used every parent could stay if they wished and it was very child centred and effective.

You don't post the whole message from the swim school, but from the bit you've posted it read like they're asking you to chat to her so she can get the most out of her lessons (and you can get value for money). If you've interpreted that as an instruction to 'tell her off' such that she was so upset she cried for an hour I think that's entirely on you!

I assume they think you care about her swimming stroke because you're paying for her to be at swimming lessons. If she can swim a couple of lengths already and you don't care about her improving her stroke, why are you paying for lessons?

I’m wondering whether I should try to get her some individual lessons. I suspect it’s true that she struggles to stay still and watch without fidgeting/ ducking under the water while the other 5 kids in the class are taking their turn to swim but as long as she’s only slowing down the rate at which she progresses and doesn’t bother the others, I don’t necessarily think that this is outside the range of normal behaviour at her age. It just feels very strange to have emailed me about that - as though it must have been something significantly more.

Deffo try to watch. We can see through windows with ours. 7 is still very young and lots of the kids mess about a bit. Some teachers are better than others. As long as she is progressing learning to swim is the aim not becoming Olympic Medal winners. Those kids you can tell are going on for competition but most just need to learn how to swim and be safe in the water.

She's 7. It sounds like they're training for the bloody Olympics!

Honestly I'd take her out and send her to a more fun group. Don't stress her and yourself out.

I used to teach swimming. I wouldn’t have sent an email, I’d have spoken to you in person. But I guess if you are not allowed to watch the lessons (at my swim school you were required to be there), then that would be tricky and e-mail would be the next best thing.

From what you have posted, that wasn’t a ‘talk to her and tell her off email’. It was more of a ‘FYI - she is not progressing as much as she should and it isn’t our fault, it’s hers’ type of message.

Not paying attention in swimming class is dangerous. It makes the instructor’s work much harder. It is essential to pay attention to instructions. Ifnot, theoretically, people could drown. Realistically, it is more likely a child will have an unexpected submersion, scare themselves (and the instructor), cry a bit, and not enjoy going to the pool as much or any more.

Eqcually, not paying attention to instructions means she keeps doing what she is doing and doesn’t learn decent technique. Short version - you are wasting your money and it isn’t the school or teacher at fault.

NuffSaidSam, well it would be nice if she could learn to be a stronger swimmer than she is at the moment but she’s only been in the class for three weeks. I wasn’t expecting them to turn her into some kind of competitive swimmer. She’s just turned 7. She’s still in Y2. I think it’s ok to assume that it might take a while to improve and that her swimming might be a bit messy in the meantime. Why would they ask me to “speak to her” about that?

I have a child with similar issues concentrating (repeatedly told he's just immature). We went to swimming lessons for a year and it was a sensory nightmare for him. He was tired after school and fidgety. The pool is massive with about 5 lessons going on at the one time. The area of the pool he was in had a slide so I could see him desperate to go on that. He chatted to the teacher, looked about, chatted to the other kids. I spoke to him week after week about focusing for 30 mins but in the end I decided he wasn't making any progress in that setting and pulled him and he has now started in a quiet pool in a smaller group. We were falling out every week which wasn't really fair as whilst there was an element of poor behaviour I don't really think he was trying to be naughty, he just couldn't focus. Further to this I didn't want him to be keeping the other kids back.

What on earth did you say to her that made her cry for an hour?

What do her teachers at school say about her progress there and her concentration and behaviour in lessons?

I think it sounds like an unnecessarily strict swim school and you should look for a different one.

FWIW, my 7yo has autism (diagnosed) and ADHD traits (not diagnosed) and has been going to swimming lessons with an absolutely lovely teacher who has the patience of a saint. She accepts that the children can get distracted and is really good at keeping them focused when needed but also making it fun and being tolerant of a bit of fidgety type behaviour as long as it's not disruptive. Also parents are always allowed to watch and sometimes I do have a word with my child if they are too distracted and not listening.

I'm baffled that your takeaway from that email was that you needed to tell her off. And what an earth did you say to her to make her cry for an hour?

All you had to say was that her teacher thinks she's going to be a really good swimmer but sometimes she needs to pay a little more attention to what her teacher is telling her.

They want you to speak to her so she can do better and you can get what you pay for.

It was the context that led me to that conclusion. In the four years we have been going there, the DC have had literally hundreds of lessons with them. They have never once made any comment to me, good or bad, about either of the kids or their progress. It’s not that kind of set- up. It’s a huge swim school - I’m not sure they would know all the kids’ names. To suddenly receive an email with no previous conversation about it at all, completely out of the blue, definitely made me think that something had gone very wrong.

I told her what the teacher had said, and I said that if the teacher was working hard to teach them then it wasn’t kind to make things more difficult for her.

Christ, that wasn’t a “tell your child off because she’s naughty” email! That was “your child isn’t paying attention so she isn’t improving.”

They want you to remind her to focus on the teacher and listen. They don’t want to poor thing in tears for an hour.

They probably think now she's 7 it's time for her to take it a little more seriously and especially if the teacher has noticed she could be a good swimmer.

I don't think telling her she is being unkind when presumably that is not her intention is very helpful. I can understand why she is upset.

Maybe the new teacher has decided to send out a brief update on each child. What you have posted doesn't seem to be asking that you give your DD a big telling off and make her cry. Have you tried asking her how she thinks the lessons are going? Would she like to move up to the next group in a few months?

"I said that if the teacher was working hard to teach them then it wasn’t kind to make things more difficult for her."

Bloody hell!

But (factually, I can confirm that) there have been many, many other occasions when she wasn’t paying attention so she wasn’t improving and never once have they sent me an email about it. And why would they? That would be an astonishing thing to do. She’s 7 and it’s Saturday swimming. Do people genuinely get personalised email feedback from their swimming teachers if the kids are not moving up as fast as they could?! That would be nuts. They barely know the children’s names…

I’m sorry your little one was upset, she would be trying her best. Maybe it’s not the right teacher or swim school.

To be fair, if she is ducking under the water the whole time (which mine did too, little buggers) then it is a problem for the teacher and class - because the teacher will need to keep checking where the hell is X, is she ok, check she isn’t struggling or disappeared off to a different bit of the pool.

It isn’t just an issue of not progressing, although that may be what they have said to you. It’s a lot easier to keep an eye on kids safety wise if they have their head above water, as well as easier to teach them.

She sounds exactly like my DC, they love swimming but struggle to pay attention sometimes. There were a couple of lessons where the other children didn’t attend for various reasons so it was like a private lesson, my DC found it worse as they were constantly on the go with no time to rest/ play in the water whilst the others had their go. It could be worth a try though.

Also I think it sounds like the latter. I don’t think they are saying she is naughty just that she’s not listening. I don’t think they wanted you to tell her off, just to tell her to listen carefully.