How would you read this email from the swimming teacher?

[Overwhelmedandout]

DD (just turned 7, starting Y2) has moved into a new group at swimming and has a new teacher. DD’s not terrible - can swim a couple of lengths, etc.

She has always had issues with concentration. I have suspected for some time that she might have ADHD but her teachers, while commenting on her lack of concentration, seem to think that she’s too young to be able to draw an accurate conclusion.

This evening, completely out of the blue, I’ve had an email from the head of the swimming school, stating that:

“[Teacher] says that [DD] is very capable but because she lacks focus, and doesn’t always listen, she isn’t refining her technique, and her stroke can be quite messy.”

They want me to “speak to her to make sure she gets the most out of her swimming lessons” and moves into the next group after Christmas. I did, and she cried for an hour, and we have all gone to bed upset.

I figured that she must have been pretty naughty for them to send this kind of email. I’ve definitely never had one before, in years of lessons for the DC. Would you read this as “she’s causing chaos in the lesson / setting fire to the other kids” or “she’s daydreaming and isn’t improving her technique”? If it’s the former then fair enough, and she deserves a telling off. If it’s the latter… well, to be honest, I can’t get all upset about a Y2 child having a messy swimming stroke/ if she doesn’t move up a group in four months. But it must have been quite bad, surely - it would be insane to send me a random email telling me that a 7 year old’s swimming stroke is messy and I must tell her off for it?!

I think that email was worded just fine. As has been said, the teacher is having to think of safety if she is ducking under water, and obviously this means the class is disrupted every time she has to check on your daughter. You are all paying for these lessons, but some of the children are having less attention as your daughter needs more.

Having said that, when I got to the bit about 'the teacher hardly knows their names' I thought 'then this isn't the swimming lessons she should be having' though I suspect she does know your daughter's, if she has to keep speaking to her.

Bottom line is your daughter CAN swim. So she has mastered the basics, even if her technique requires improvement. Either

a) pull her out of the lessons and give swimming a break
b) talk to her, ask her to try harder to listen, and give it till Christmas or when this batch of lessons finishes
c) find another swimming teacher and try again
d) book some individual but much shorter lessons instead

As for the ADHD thing - yes, she may have it, no she may not. I do wonder if I should even be on Mumsnet sometimes as it seems there is no place for those whose children aren't neurodiverse in some way or another! Don't forget many children, with no ND issues, DON'T ALWAYS LISTEN and are easily distracted. She's only just 7, this could also be part of normal childhood.

One last thing - have you asked her if she still enjoys swimming? It may be she actually would like a break from it anyway.

But good on you for getting your child swimming at a young age!

In swimming terms 7 isn't exactly a baby. Children start lessons from 3. If the child isn't paying attention or listening it can be frustrating and unfair on the rest of the children in the class. Are they spending too long standing around with it being said about taking turns to swim? Children shouldn't be waiting for too long to be swimming, set off one at a time but all swimming at the same time to keep them moving. If she isn't progressing or isn't focusing and hasn't been focusing all this time then maybe it's for you to evaluate whether she is suited to that swimming school.

I'd be asking two questions

And two questions only.

"DD, are you enjoying swimming? Are you doing your best?"

If the answer is yes to both, then shed get encouraged to always do her best and the conversation is done and swimming continues.

If she says she isn't enjoying it, swimming stops.

If she acknowledges she isn't doing her best, then she can be encouraged to really try at the next lesson.

There wouldn't be any telling off.

Tbh, as a non swimmer, I would just be thrilled that she can swim. That's all I hoped for, for my DC, and they can.

Why not just have some fun sessions, play, mess about. So long as she has water awareness and confidence, why does she need lessons?

I used to watch my kids lesson and saw fhese type of kids all the time. They would be the ones in and out the pool and not listening. Ducking around instead of watching stroke demonstrations.

it was a waste for their parents and annoying for everyone else whose kid wanted to learn.

this is what the email means.

if you can, spectate and then tell your child off and ask them to behave. This what my friend had to do as her daughter is like yours, with possible ADHD. It worked and the kid moved up and is possibly going to do swim club. But her mum needed to crack down on this. ADHD isn’t really an excuse I’m afraid, as harsh as that sounds

I have a child this age. In my house I'd be showing her the letter and asking her what she thought about it. I'd also reiterate that swimming lessons cost money, so if we do them we do them properly and give it our best.

DD has 1:1 lessons after veeeery slow progress in group. Absolutely worth it. I don't aspire for her to be a competitive swimmer (tbh I think it would be a nightmare logistically and practically), but I do want her to be safe in water. Once that is in hand, she can stop.

Haven’t rtft but my 6 year old is similar. He can swim quite well but he messes about in lessons. I
tried 1 to 1 lessons but the cost far out weighed the benefit.

I just take him myself now so he can mess about, have fun and just enjoy it.

Have you spoken to the teacher is person?

its just managing your expectations
I read it as doesn’t listen could do better

which is s a common theme in a lot of kids ADHD or not

once our youngest could swim and get them out of trouble in the water we took a break from lessons he had little interest and wasn’t improving
went back to them a couple of years later he loved them and gave it 100%

We changed swim schools because the first school had up to 8 kids in a class - it was far, far too much.

The new swim school has up to 4 in a lesson max, but usually one or two don't turn up. it's slightly more money but far better quality.

We also had to switch teachers at the new swim school, as the first one was very shouty and physical - the second teacher is lovely

So sometimes there can be a bit of trial and error with these things, to find what's right for your child.

Does the teacher know you suspect ADHD? If not then it's reasonable for them to ask you to discuss it with her. Obviously, it's difficult for her to take it onboard but the teacher only sees her in the pool, in a group so presumably is unaware.

The email is quite neutral and I think you have overreacted a bit.

That said, maybe 1-2-1 would be better, then she isn't waiting her turn and getting distracted.

The email is fine! Going to bed crying is not fine!

I would have read that as "dd is a good swimmer and we want to move her up to the next class but she mucks about and that's a safety issue because it's hard for us to know if she's heard the instructions"

I would have spoken to dd just before her next lesson, not before bed, and I would also reply really politely saying thank you, dd really enjoys her lessons and that you will definitely speak to her.

Then tell dd that she has to do exactly what the teacher says. Not a word that you think they are being over the top as that just gives your dd a licence not to take them seriously.

See where it goes from there.

I don't think it's fair to put the undiagnosed ADHD onto the teacher.

She either has to ensure the class behave for safety reasons or not.

If your dd cannot listen then she'll have to have 1 2 1 lessons for a bit.

I don't understand why you are complaining that your child has a teacher who cares about her progress. It sounds as if this is a conscientious teacher, possibly more conscientious than those you have dealt with to date. Why wouldn't they try to help their pupils to improve? It's not their fault that you misinterpreted the email to the extent that your child was crying for an hour.

Perfectly reasonable email, sounds like this teacher just wants your DD to improve.

Plus I don’t know what you said but I really can’t see here any reason for an hour’s worth of tears. I’ve had many similar conversations with my DCs- “Mrs X says that if you want to get much better at swimming and move up a group you need to concentrate more, can you try to listen to what they say more.” If appropriate “I’ve seen you chatting to X, maybe leave that until after the lesson.” No tears from anyone!

Swimming is the only thing other than school that I tell my daughter she absolutely has to do until she's at least competent enough to keep herself safe in water. It's a life skill as well as a hobby. Mine can swim when she puts her mind to it but flaps around like a fairy if I try and convince her she's capable of staying afloat independently and no matter how much we practice just doesn't have the listening skills or confidence to even stay afloat on her back if she's in deep water. No way are we giving up!

If you're refusing to listen and concentrate enough to learn a pretty basic skill, so much so that some 2 year olds would stand a better chance than you if you fell into water then sorry kid but you're just going to have to suck it up and keep trying. It's dangerous and inexcusable to reach adult age and not be able to swim especially in today's age where there's so many opportunities to learn

Hi, I have a teenager with ADHD, we have many years’ experience with swimming lessons and I have also been spoken to by various teachers (not just swimming) about concentration issues. If the teacher is emailing you it’s because she stands out from the other kids in some way and they want to help her get the most out of the lessons. No it’s not helpful to tell them to ‘concentrate more’ and at this age won’t make any difference. Just explain to the teachers about the possibility of ADHD so they know what to expect and encourage your daughter to try her best but you know it’s hard to focus sometimes. Also, if her strokes are a bit messy there’s a possibility she has dyspraxia too which is a common co-morbidity. It’s hard to hear these things, believe me I’ve shed some tears over it, and at first you might think it’s the teacher with the problem (sometimes it can also be that) but usually if you have a chance to watch your child participate, you can see where they are coming from. Good luck.

I agree, it does sound a bit much for her age.

Swimming should be fun as well as safe and perfecting a technique. She will get there in her own time, don't worry. She sounds pretty good if she can swim two lengths.

Just explain to the teachers about the possibility of ADHD so they know what to expect and encourage your daughter to try her best but you know it’s hard to focus sometimes

This is totally unfair. I don't expect the swim teacher has any extra training in ND in swimming, and the dd is undiagnosed.

And - I say this as a parent to a ND child - swimming is dangerous if someone isn't concentrating. Whatever the parent suspects.

Your daughter probably cried for an hour as you told her not to be unkind in the swimming lesson . In no way was that hinted at in the email . Poor girl .

Isn't it funny how differently people read the same thing. I didn't get that she need telling off from that email. I just read it as can you ask if she is enjoying swimming, can she hear the teacher, does she understand, type conversation. But I can totally see why others think it means tell her off for not concentrating.

On the plus side, if you are worried about adhd, you have some great evidence that there of how she is in a different setting.

How on earth did you interpret that as a "you need to tell your child off" letter?

You've told your child they're making things more difficult for the teacher. Surely you should have told your child they're making things not as productive for themselves. That they'll get more out of it by listening. That they'll do better if they listen and get to be a better swimmer.

You could have sold the positive aspects of listening, but instead you jumped to the conclusion they were being a terror and told them off instead. Your poor child. No wonder they cried. Are you always like this? I get echoes of my Father's treatment of me when I was younger and I'm still dealing with the awful self esteem decades later.

I used to watch swimming lessons. It was like a social club, half of them were in the same class at school and there was much chatting and not paying attention. Honestly it drove me bonkers and the instructor too I’m sure. Gave it up in the end and do family swimming at least once a week. I pay 10p for a length for a recognisable stroke in the training pool up to a max of £2.50 per child (not to be spent on sweets) Then a fun swim in the leisure pool where there are bubble beds/ lazy river / flumes. An intensive course in holidays to teach diving/ tidy up technique. They all swim like fish tbh.

I do think swimming is a life skill but onceyou’ve got the basics then you can progress in different ways.

If it's a pool with a choice if teachers one might have done swim england CPD in supporting autistic swimmers, inclusive swimming etc as there are courses but it tends to only happen if a teacher has a personal interest. One might even think they will pick that cpd this year if they know it might help.

@Youcantcallacatspider she can swim two lengths.

And I hate this idea that being about to do different strokes is somehow life saving. Being able to get out of a pool and float are life saving-possibly. Even then cold water and clothes are going to be very different to a warm pool in a swim suit. Watching children around water at this age is life saving. Wearing a life jacket while on the water (whether you can swim or not) is absolutely life saving. Most of the rest is pension-saving for swimming schools.

Yes i agree it would be great CPD to do