How would you read this email from the swimming teacher?

[Overwhelmedandout]

DD (just turned 7, starting Y2) has moved into a new group at swimming and has a new teacher. DD’s not terrible - can swim a couple of lengths, etc.

She has always had issues with concentration. I have suspected for some time that she might have ADHD but her teachers, while commenting on her lack of concentration, seem to think that she’s too young to be able to draw an accurate conclusion.

This evening, completely out of the blue, I’ve had an email from the head of the swimming school, stating that:

“[Teacher] says that [DD] is very capable but because she lacks focus, and doesn’t always listen, she isn’t refining her technique, and her stroke can be quite messy.”

They want me to “speak to her to make sure she gets the most out of her swimming lessons” and moves into the next group after Christmas. I did, and she cried for an hour, and we have all gone to bed upset.

I figured that she must have been pretty naughty for them to send this kind of email. I’ve definitely never had one before, in years of lessons for the DC. Would you read this as “she’s causing chaos in the lesson / setting fire to the other kids” or “she’s daydreaming and isn’t improving her technique”? If it’s the former then fair enough, and she deserves a telling off. If it’s the latter… well, to be honest, I can’t get all upset about a Y2 child having a messy swimming stroke/ if she doesn’t move up a group in four months. But it must have been quite bad, surely - it would be insane to send me a random email telling me that a 7 year old’s swimming stroke is messy and I must tell her off for it?!

I told her what the teacher had said, and I said that if the teacher was working hard to teach them then it wasn’t kind to make things more difficult for her.

She isn’t being unkind, she didn’t need telling off. She’s just struggling to concentrate. It sounds like the lessons aren’t working for her.

It could be actually something totally different, like one of the other parents has complained to the teacher their child isn't progressing fast enough and they feel like they aren't getting value for money, and the teacher has panicked/overreacted and think all the parents feel like that so has hastily sent emails out.

I think its just them covering their backs. I'm sure a fair few parents expect their kids to move up each time, I'm sure some get cross when their kids don't. They dont know you so basically all they are doing is saying your dd isn't improving because she isn't paying attention, if this bothers you then have a word to your daughter because she won't be moving up if things don't change.

I really don't know how you got they think your dd is naughty from it, they didn't mention her disrupting anything but her own progress. Imo you've massively over reacted.

Bloody hell, you've told her off and told her that the teacher said she's messy and unkind?!

Poor kid. They just wanted you to remind her to try to concentrate and listen to the teacher so that she can improve her swimming stroke. Jeez

I'm not sure why you've taken this email and it's message as such a massive rejection - they're just asking for your help to get DC to pay attention and concentrate.

Swimming lessons are much stricter than any other kind of kids class; they have to be due to the inherent risk.

Reply back asking for context/examples so you can better explain to your dd. No need to get upset, you or dd. Have you tried asking dd how she likes the class, does she need s break, etc? Ask if anything has happened?

As a swimming teacher and school swimming teacher for you to get an email like that she's likely disturbing the class by ignoring or doing her own thing. I'd personally sit a child out if they are ducking under the water and not listening to me it wastes my time and the classes time. It's fairly obvious they won't progress. They are given you the courtesy of speaking to her so you can rectify her behaviour. If she can't handle waiting her turn in a group session she needs smaller classes or 121.

I have one child in my stage 4 constantly messes about annoys the other children hitting them with floats, pushing and shoving and his mother asked about his progression and when he was ready to move. I mentioned his behaviour and him not listening to my instructions or feedback. I got told his spirited my own duty manager had to speak to them.

My son has ASD he understands that he still has go follow rules at school however due to his condition group lessons were just not appropriate for him and he moved onto 121s.

Don't try and read extra meaning into the email - life is a lot easier if you just take things at face value.

"Teacher says DD is very capable" - DD, your swimming teacher told me how good you are at swimming.

"But because she lacks focus she isn't refining her technique" - but she said sometimes you don't pay attention.

"Speak to her to make sure she gets the best out of her swimming lessons" - I know it's hard because playing in the water is fun but try your best to always concentrate on the teacher and soon you'll be able to move up to the next class!

My DD is exactly like this, always bobbing up and down in the water and day dreaming. She's very motivated by her swimming stickers though. Do they still do those sew on badges you can encourage her with?

I don't understand why you'd think she was naughty or disruptive given that they haven't said that?

I would say it is motivated by her not progressing actually; I think they've probably had complaints about progress from parents in the past and are explaining why they are unable to move her up. It'll be because she's not meeting one of the criteria for the next level.

I have had comms from teachers when there's just one thing stopping your child advancing, so that you can also help to motivate them.

It doesn't sound like she's suited to group sessions right now.

Either take her out altogether and go swimming regularly as a family and try again in a year or two to finesse stroke technique or get her some 1:1 lessons.

Parents often complain children aren't moving up quickly enough and as you don't have any time to talk to the teacher she may well have decided to send those that hadn't progressed as expected a quick email.

Also as you think she has ADHD tell her what good behaviour actually means in the pool and practise it when taking her swimming yourself. It maybe obvious to you and us what you mean by "pay attention and listen" but you may well have to break it down what that that means and show her standing still and looking at the teacher etc and remind her before each lesson - ask her to show you her listening pose or similar.

in my experience - 30 min lesson, 4 kids. 30 minutes divided by 4 = 7.5 min each directly per child. I’d find it hard to just sit there for the down time. It gets better when they can all swim together, but for the littles it can be very boring. If it’s not working, either individuals lessons or maybe it’s not the right environment for her at this time.

I don't know how you've read that as she needs a telling off and if I thought it read that way I would be finding a new swim school. If she does have adhd a lot of this will be outside her control, so a telling off is even more inappropriate. I would have mentioned it in the car on the way to lessons, reminded her to pay attention and not put her head under when waiting and reminded her that those rules are there to keep her safe in the water, that's it. Fidgeting and putting her head under aren't her being unkind.

Whatever the message said , you clearly failed spectacularly in the delivery if she cried for an hour!
Words matter.

Maybe ask the teacher if you can sit in for one lesson to see what the problem is?

I think you read too much into their email and there was no need to be that blunt with your DD. TBH what you told her seems a bit harsh.

Maybe she is better off in another school or 121 lessons?

It’s a good email… stating if your daughter concentrated more she’d get further.

I’m not sure why your daughter has been crying and what you have said to her?

I would have said… you’re teacher thinks your a good swimming but you need to concentrate a bit more so they can move you up the groups.

Maybe she can't translate the instructions into movement due to dyspraxia? It often goes alongside ADHD.

My daughter was exactly like this. No other underlying causes, just got very distracted when the teachers are with other kids and then she couldn't switch 'on' quickly enough when it was her turn. We switched to 1-2-1 lessons and she progressed so quickly as she had constant attention.

So you know exactly what they mean, then, you've seen it yourself!

Don't forget that safety is everything with swimming, so it's important to raise these things to keep the kids safe.

I don't know why an email like that would end up with you all going to bed upset, though, and your DD being in tears? That seems like a big overreaction to that email.

Why do you need to find drama in a letter where there is none, I presume you are projecting issues onto that has nothing to do with them

Why the need for anyone to go to bed upset?

No the letter does label you a bad parent of that is what worries you, a situation has happened deal with it and move on and maybe teach your child resilience

I'd take it as the teacher is struggling with how to get the best out of your daughter, and they can see the potential of her being in a higher group.

BUT, it sounds like there is a miss match and this teacher isn't the best for your daughter.

How far can she swim?? If it's a length (of any technique) in the big pool, stop lessons and just take her yourself.

You'told her off, the email asked you to talk to her about being more focussed and about classes and getting the most out of lessons. You said yourself she's day dreaming and messing about. If you all went to bed upset ,that's something you've done. I think the teachers email was very polite and not telling off .

My daughter struggled similarly in swimming lessons. She was diagnosed dyspraxic.

We found a lovely swim school locally that specialises in SEN - they didn't only do SEN but it meant it was a much more relaxed atmosphere working with the kids and not forcing her to try and coordinate arms and legs when she couldn't!

Perhaps a few individual lessons would help her to come on with her swimming. I remember my first swimming lessons I was so small I nearly drowned then I panicked. So my mum took me to the pool for some individual swimming and it really helped me. I now love swimming and go weekly to the lido. She is so young and this will be easily fixed.

Go to the lesson and watch. Then ask them what they mean
Your child is probably being really annoying.

If she has adhd or even if she's just a fidgety/finds it hard to concentrate person then yes she's going to struggle. That's not naughty behaviour that's a child in an unsuitable environment.

She would probably fair better in1;1 classes or if you teach her.

If you are concerned she has adhd I would request to see the senco at her school and ask for her to be assessed for referral. The wait list is years, you don't want to wait until she is really struggling then go on a three year wait list.