Judged by MIL for paying for help

[Ponolo]

I've got an 8 week old velcro baby who isn't content unless being carried by me in the sling and I'm currently homeschooling my ASD 9 year old while we wait for a place at a particular school becomes available for him - he couldn't cope with mainstream school. DH is great but travels for work a LOT. Days when I have both boys alone I'm lucky if I manage to unload the dishwasher between seeing to both their needs. I'm a SAHM so always did my own cleaning but we have just engaged a cleaner once a week plus an ad hoc nanny who either comes and sits with the baby a couple of afternoons/mornings a week so I can spend more 1:1 time with DS, or takes older DS to homeschool activities.

Just had an extremely upsetting conversation with MIL where she told me why should her son work hard all week while I sit at home doing nothing paying someone else to do the things I should be doing.

I'm a SAHM because of my older child's complex needs and obviously I'd be on maternity leave anyway - before baby was born I did take on bits of freelance work to keep my skills up and keep my foot in the door of the world of work.

I'm in tears thinking she's right, how shit must I be that I can't cope with two kids. I had 6 miscarriages before this baby and we wanted him so much. But it's so hard.

She already judges us for taking DS out of school but the school couldn't meet his needs and it was truly distressing watching him suffer. He's been a different child since we did it, even with a newborn in the house.

I would be far more worried about a relative running themselves ragged and trying to power through it and not asking for help when they really ought to, TBH.

You’re being very goady
there’s no way a mother with a child with complex needs who is home schooling and has a new born is Lazy

@HomeNotHome Lazy?????? The poor woman has suffered six miscarriages and is solo schooling her ND child AND caring for a newborn. Lazy? Really?!

Ponolo - you’re not lazy
block this poster

First post nailed it as always.

He needs to tell her in no uncertain terms that she is not to criticise you ever again, and that all family decisions are taken by both of you, so if she wants to be a bitch and moan about you, then she can talk to him about it in future.

If things don't improve, then he might have to mention that if she wants to continue to see her grandchildren, she'd better behave herself.

Again, explain how it has anything to do with you?

No one likes a nosy bitch MIL either.

How the hell do you know how much the OP is on Mumsnet, are you stalking her?

Not that I need to justify myself to you but my DS is having a tutoring session and my baby is asleep on the breast. Is that OK with you or should I be vacuuming or batch cooking?

Don't be ridiculous.
It isn't the husband's money which is being spent.
This isn't 1950.

Hello Mil!

loving the fact you don’t feel the need to provide any help or support but can question the decisions made by the people who are most involved. Just wondering if you also know ops son is just naughty and needs a clip around the ear? 🧐

oh and in my house all money is our money and we both agree how it’s spent… so if there’s a cleaner then our money pays for it. Hope that is ok!

OP she may have learned that 'being nice' is a great way to cajole information out of you that she will store up and use against you.

Your mum's health issues, for example.

If you do decide to continue to talk to her, I'd restrict it to Strictly and the weather from now on.

Nobody likes a smartarse either, but here you still are.

Who's money is it then?

@HomeNotHome

It's her families.

It certainly wouldn't be your money would it? So, why would you think you'd have a say in how it was spent?!

We share all our money. It is family money. And BTW if you want to be technical about it, some of it is "mine", from savings from when I was working, the sale of my previous flat and also my maternity allowance. HTH.

OMG the OP's MIL (or her friend) has arrived on the thread.
🤣

You're are really awful

It's joint family money.

(And you should have written "whose" HTH)

Thanks to everyone who has posted nice things x

My philosophy in life:

If I didn't come out of your vagina, I'm not interested in your opinions regarding my way of doing things.

If you didn't come out of your vagina, I'm not interested in your opinions regarding my way of doing things.

If you're not paying my bills and putting food on my table, I'm not interested in your opinions regarding my way of doing things.

Your MIL is clearly one of those women who thinks the sun shines out of her poor down trodden, put upon son's nether regions - she needs to butt out.

Please listen to your DH and stop engaging with her, for your own sanity.

You'd be best going no contact with the witch. You do you!