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Original poster

Please help me melt his heart ❤️

349 replies

Heybearu · 16/09/2024 20:24

So having had a really not great time on online dating...I've finally started to speak with someone I would like to impress. Ladies he sings, he bakes bread, he reads he's the main parent. I'm in heaven.
Id like to give him a book at our first date....he likes most genres...nothing like super seedy tho as he's quite wholesome...what can I give him that will melt his heart so I get to keep him forever?
Or at last so he looks back and thinks that was cool.
Help please x

OP posts:
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6
LBFseBrom · 16/09/2024 23:01

Pyjamatimenow · 16/09/2024 20:39

Are you hoping to adopt him? You’re not his mother. Literally sounds like you’re trying out your own version of ‘How to lose a guy in ten days’? This kind of behaviour is probably why you’re struggling with OLD. Stop investing in men you don’t know.

I agree!

OP, you've not had much success so far and presumably you were impressed with some of the guys you met before you actually met them. This one may be no different despite presenting good credentials online.

Why not just give up online dating? You surely bump into people from time to time, have friends, etc, and will meet someone naturally sooner or later.

80smonster · 16/09/2024 23:02

No to a book on a first date, yes to a 1st edition of a book you both love in the future though - a classy gift for the right point in time.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 16/09/2024 23:02

Heybearu · 16/09/2024 21:28

Did you not read about the bread??🤣

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is it proper homemade bread though or that bread maker made stuff that tastes awful

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships
statetrooperstacey · 16/09/2024 23:03

Confessions of a window cleaner

Mirabai · 16/09/2024 23:05

How about A Sailor, A Chicken, An Incredible Voyage

iwfja · 16/09/2024 23:07

Oh lord, no.
No gift on the first date. Or even the second or third. If you are still dating him at Christmas you can get him something then. You'll have a better idea of what his tastes are and what he has already read.
Also please manage your expectations a bit so you aren't disappointed. You are talking about choosing a book so you get to keep him forever. He could be a complete wanker. It doesn't mean he's a great guy because he claims he bakes bread and sings.
Go on the date, chat to him about books, talk about what you are reading now, see if there is any chemistry and take it from there.

MildredSauce · 16/09/2024 23:09

iwfja · 16/09/2024 23:07

Oh lord, no.
No gift on the first date. Or even the second or third. If you are still dating him at Christmas you can get him something then. You'll have a better idea of what his tastes are and what he has already read.
Also please manage your expectations a bit so you aren't disappointed. You are talking about choosing a book so you get to keep him forever. He could be a complete wanker. It doesn't mean he's a great guy because he claims he bakes bread and sings.
Go on the date, chat to him about books, talk about what you are reading now, see if there is any chemistry and take it from there.

I completely agree. I mean, even wankers bake. Look at Paul Hollywood....

RaspberryParade · 16/09/2024 23:11

user39501790 · 16/09/2024 22:46

Id like to give him a book at our first date....

CAUTION. CAUTION. PROCEED WITH CAUTION. ALARMS SOUNDING.

It's a bit much to give someone you don't know a gift. It is too 'try hard' and shows your hand. You don't know this man at all. Giving him a gift shows you are KEEN which is not a good thing too early because of many many subliminal aspects of human psychology which apply to us all.

Everything in your post is ringing alarm bells. I used to be like this. You have a scarcity mindset - so when you hit upon the rare man that looks half normal, you mentally run away with excitement planning a future together - which makes you go half mad.

Think about it. You've not met him. He may have a smell you hate. He may turn up in flipflops with dirty toenails. He may be a narcissist putting on a good front.

You just don't know.

your scarcity mindset will cause a lot of trouble in online dating.

Just turn up. DO NOT take any gift. See how it goes.

As Taylor Swift would have it, you need to calm down.

Totally agree.

brunettemic · 16/09/2024 23:12

FaiIureToLunch · 16/09/2024 22:06

No. Women get fucked over constantly by men as we all know. It’s far harder to find a decent man than for a man to find a decent woman. Nothing wrong with being discerning and not flinging yourself at some bloke like an over enthusiastic puppy.

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If your version of her winning him is flinging herself at him rather than just being the nice, normal person she appears to be then I’m not sure what to say. You can “win” a guy without dropping your knickers you know…

Happyhappyday · 16/09/2024 23:18

Cosycore · 16/09/2024 20:26

I haven’t read it myself but

The Midnight Library by Matt Haig was described to be as being life altering.

you might get some better suggestions in a bit though

It is!

I also loved the Night Circus. Not frivolous but not too deep.

HolyPeaches · 16/09/2024 23:18

I've finally started to speak with someone I would like to impress.

The only natural way to impress someone, is by being yourself.

I’d avoid giving him a book on the first date. It may come off as overbearing, especially if you say to him “this is to melt your heart so I can keep you forever”.

Get to know him first. Discuss books and reading on your date. Get a feel for him and his personality and see what he has and hasn’t read. Then you know for future reference if there is a second date.

HPD76 · 16/09/2024 23:21

On our first date, my now partner gave me a fairly scientific book (beautifully illustrated and bound) about octopus, because he knew I was interested in them, which I thought was a very lovely gift which showed he’d paid attention to our chats. Has he a niche interest like this?

VictoriaEra · 16/09/2024 23:22

Small things like these. Claire keegan.

Smokealarmtwister · 16/09/2024 23:33

WhoOfWhoville · 16/09/2024 21:46

Ahhh, you want to use the book recs of all these mumsnetters to trick him into thinking you’re someone who reads books?

Because if it was anything other than that you’d already have a book in mind that you love that would have driven this entire gesture.

Maybe this guy actually deserves someone who isn’t faking their personality.

My goodness. That is a reach.

dadtired · 16/09/2024 23:34

Aw, another hopeless romantic :)

No matter how great a suggestion someone makes on here, it won't really be special in any way unless you have already read it too, or perhaps it you both read it around the same time, so that you can discuss it.

I think the best thing to do would be to gift him a book you love that he might be interested in. Maybe ask him what was the last book that he read that he really liked and buy one that is similar. Or try to buy something based on some interests you know that he has. Maybe even buy yourself a copy too so you can learn something about his interests and discuss it.

It's the shared experiences around the book that you want to build, plus the thoughtfulness of the choice in the first place. Good luck :)

Frith2013 · 16/09/2024 23:35

Under Milk Wood

JaneJeffer · 16/09/2024 23:41

This one

Please help me melt his heart ❤️
IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 16/09/2024 23:42

Mirabai · 16/09/2024 23:05

If that is a real book, honestly I'd be more impressed by it than these trying to impress suggestions.

Healingsfall · 16/09/2024 23:42

DesigningWoman · 16/09/2024 23:00

It’s also a really obvious way of potentially showing yourself up as having appalling taste in books! Literary taste is highly subjective. If someone gave me a copy of The Midnight Library, The Notebook, The Kite Runner or a Stephen King novel, it would be very clear that not only did you not know me or my tastes at all (hardly surprising on a first date), but that we had very, very different ideas about what constitutes a good novel, and the date would probably end in horror.

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I had this happen to me, only it wasn't a book. I'd said before we met that if I'm ever in London I love buying Turkish Delight from F&M or Harrodds as a real treat. On the first date he came with a 3 pack of Frys Turkish Delight. Nice gesture but completely not what I have in mind as a treat. I think he just heard "Turkish Delight" and assumed it was all the same but it made me think we have very different ideas on what's a luxury treat.

Smokealarmtwister · 16/09/2024 23:42

A graphic novel about something you've talked about would be intriguing. There's a heartbreaking one called something like Rosie lightyear - it's a true story. Something that sparks vulnerable discussion would be interesting.

murasaki · 16/09/2024 23:44

Smokealarmtwister · 16/09/2024 23:42

A graphic novel about something you've talked about would be intriguing. There's a heartbreaking one called something like Rosie lightyear - it's a true story. Something that sparks vulnerable discussion would be interesting.

On a first date? Christ on a bike.

Kiitos · 16/09/2024 23:44

But.. but what if you don’t fancy him? What if he has poor personal hygiene or unpleasant habits?
You haven’t even met him yet. A gift on a first date is something I’ve been on the receiving end of, and I found it very full-on and then felt guilty cos I didn’t reciprocate the keenness.
I adore books and reading but I can be weird (and probably snobby) about what I’m interested in reading - I hate the pressure of being bought a book that I then feel I have to read.
Just looking at this thread for example, there are some great books mentioned but also some that I consider utter shit. It’s a lovely idea but save it for the second date (at the earliest!!)

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 16/09/2024 23:45

DesigningWoman · 16/09/2024 23:00

It’s also a really obvious way of potentially showing yourself up as having appalling taste in books! Literary taste is highly subjective. If someone gave me a copy of The Midnight Library, The Notebook, The Kite Runner or a Stephen King novel, it would be very clear that not only did you not know me or my tastes at all (hardly surprising on a first date), but that we had very, very different ideas about what constitutes a good novel, and the date would probably end in horror.

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Oh come on, you can't lump Stephen King in with that bunch !

Whysomiserable · 16/09/2024 23:50

Heybearu · 16/09/2024 21:17

I think the salty replies are all just jealous of the freshly baked focaccia coming my way

You're all invited to the wedding ladies 😉 🤣🤣🤣

I love this response. I applaud you OP for taking the miserable responses with good humour. God forbid someone gets a bit excited and sees some joy in life, must bring them back down to earth and make them feel rubbish 🙄

Catsarebetterthanpeoples · 16/09/2024 23:55

a nice edition of LotR