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Original poster

42 too old for another baby?

180 replies

time2changeCharlieBrown · 15/09/2024 19:25

Anyone had one around or after this age? Tell me your experience
I am wondering if I could, if we did try and it happens
is it too old?
Would be biggish age gaps too
and worry about the toll it would physically and mentally take?
it’s probably a bad idea but I can’t stop thinking about it!

OP posts:
xyz111 · 15/09/2024 19:26

I'm 40 and couldn't think of anything worse, sorry I know that's not helpful! Do you have children now? What does your partner/ husband think?

HippeePrincess · 15/09/2024 19:29

I had my last at 35 and I felt too old that was my upper limit, I’m 37 now and can’t think of anything worse. I wish I’d actually changed my plans and gone for it sooner then I did. I would never have a baby over 40.

Original poster
time2changeCharlieBrown · 15/09/2024 19:30

xyz111 · 15/09/2024 19:26

I'm 40 and couldn't think of anything worse, sorry I know that's not helpful! Do you have children now? What does your partner/ husband think?

This has been the reaction of most people I have said this to irl
my husband is a bit like I think we’re too old but he would be happy if it happened
however I think he would probably prefer not to and move on to the next stage of life
he’s my age also

OP posts:

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HippeePrincess · 15/09/2024 19:33

I have just read your latest post, I have an 8 & 11 year age gap, only reason I did it was dp didn’t have any other children and was desperate to be a father. If he had kids already or if we shared a child I wouldn’t have done it. I sometimes think how much easier things would be now and how much freedom I’d have without the toddler!

givememarmite · 15/09/2024 19:35

I had my third at 42 and 4 years down the line it has been the hardest parenting time of all...I'm in peri menopause and just do not have the patience or energy I had with the other two...add in pubescent/pre-pubescent girls and life is mostly chaotic and stressful right now.
We love her to bits but I would very carefully consider it especially with big age gaps.

Yozzer87 · 15/09/2024 19:38

I wouldn't personally. I had all my kids in my 20s and got sterilised so I couldn't have more now anyway and I'm glad it's taken that choice away. I'm 36 now and I can't imagine going back and doing it all again. I still love babies and get very fleeting broody feelings but I'd feel like I'd taken a step back in life if I had another and I'm glad that stage of my life is over. But I suppose it depends on how much you want it and only you can decide what you're going to do about it.

Pandasnacks · 15/09/2024 19:40

It's too old and whilst it may work and be incredible, it's more likely to fail or end in miscarriage. How big would the age gap be?

Spomb · 15/09/2024 19:41

It’s completely up to you! Nobody can predict how you will feel. Some people don’t want children after 35, others can’t imagine having them before 35!!

thejadefish · 15/09/2024 19:41

I had my second at 45 (5 year age gap - I thought I couldn't have any more had tried several years for both DC1 & 2 gave up tracking etc then a few months later fell with DC2). Pregnancy was smooth, both healthy & I don't feel I was any more tired second time round. Its been fine and lovely but I do worry about being that bit older - will I die when they are still young and need me, how will I feel in 10-15 years time/could I fund university if they wanted etc etc. Youngest is 2 and physically and mentally its fine now but I do worry about the future as I say. Its possible but not guaranteed and I guess it also depends on the age of your older children and your circumstances.

Pandasnacks · 15/09/2024 19:41

Spomb · 15/09/2024 19:41

It’s completely up to you! Nobody can predict how you will feel. Some people don’t want children after 35, others can’t imagine having them before 35!!

But OP is 42 which is quite a bit different to 35 for fertility

Calliopespa · 15/09/2024 19:43

I couldn’t have done it just for one more. It’s the energy. I’m now mid forties and already feel I am slowing down to the point it wouldn’t be just the broken nights. I’d feel quite exhausted with the slight mindlessness ( lovely, but let’s face it …) of explaining to poo in a potty or that we don’t draw on walls etc. Even being asked why dogs don’t eat at the table with us or why we can’t eat haribos for supper would wind me up in a way it didn’t in my thirties.

I know people who for whatever reason still needed to complete their family ( ie; it was their first, or they felt it was really important to them that their only child had a sibling), They tend to really prioritise the parenting aspect and their household becomes very child ( ie toddler) centric ( ie few late nights etc) and I’m not sure how fair having exhausted homebody parents would be to much older dcs. Babies are lovely but they are not toys. I honestly don’t think I’d do my best parenting run if I had a toddler now.

LeavesTrees · 15/09/2024 19:43

I remember having a longing at 40 to have another. It was an obsessive thought. But I think it was partly because I love being a mum and partly because I could feel my biological clock ticking.
A few years on and I’m glad I didn’t give in to the thought. I’m enjoying my children getting a bit older and more independent and I’m looking forward to some me time in the years to come. Having a child in your 40s (although great for some) does mean in effect you go from being a mum more or less straight to retirement.

Kittybluecat · 15/09/2024 19:44

I had my second at 40 and absolutely love it. Such an easy baby. I nailed down the putting to bed in the cot awake really early. She literally goes down awake and self soothes. She's 4 months now. We co sleep when she wakes in the night (4am) and I breastfeed. I get lots of sleep. Eldest is 7.

BobVanceVanceRefridgeration · 15/09/2024 19:48

I had my first at 39 and my second at 41.

Relatively easy pregnancy with both although I did get called 'geriatric' throughout 😄

I didn't have any younger so I only know being an older mum. But to be honest, most of the little ones nursery friends have parents within 2-4 years of me and DH so we don't feel particularly old

I do get tired but we are financially secure, can afford to help DCs at uni or with house purchase later in life and will be mortgage free in 5 years. So we have perhaps less worries that if we'd have had them 10 years younger

It's all relative I guess to your circumstances and how you feel. We couldn't have had them any younger anyway so didn't have a choice which makes us both at peace with it

BakedBeeeen · 15/09/2024 19:48

Where do you live, OP? In a fairly affluent part of London it’s completely normal and common to have babies post 40. A friend lives in a smallish town in Wiltshire, where most people had kids in their 20s, and people would be horrified at the suggestion.

Decorhate · 15/09/2024 19:49

One thing to consider (which admittedly I would not have thought of at your age myself) is will having another child now affect when you can retire and is that something you would be ok with?

I have a couple of male friends who had children in their late 40s and who will therefore probably be close to 70 when their children finish uni. Personally I can’t imagine working that many more years. But your financial situation may mean this is not an issue of course.

Gonk123 · 15/09/2024 19:50

I felt ‘old’ and a lot more tired having my last at 35 however I felt much more patience.
I had my first at 24 for context.
I would not recommend doing it in your 40’s but women do and it’s each to their own.
maybe look forward to grandchildren if you decide against it.

StevieCandlewick · 15/09/2024 19:50

I would never have a baby over 40.

Bet you would if circumstances meant it was your only opportunity to be a mum.

I had my one and only at 41. It's been lovely but, unlike many on MN, I wasn't exhausted in my 40s (or 50s or now at 61) so coped fine with a toddler, a teenager and now a uni student.

Lighttodark · 15/09/2024 19:51

It is too old IMO, but I think about peri, ageing parents etc. I can’t imagine anything worse than dealing with that alongside raising small children.

cuckooooooo · 15/09/2024 19:53

I'm about to have my second at 40. My ds is only 4 though and I've had a couple of miscarriages in between. I might try for another in 2-3 years time depending on my energy levels but will accept if it's not meant to be. I may feel too old!

Matildahoney · 15/09/2024 20:05

I had my first at 41 & will be trying for our second when I'm 42 ds is 8.5 months & I know I'll be having a hysterectomy after c section recovery, my only worry is dealing with a baby and toddler in menopause, but currently I have no regrets with ds and don't find it a struggle. Only you know how fit and healthy you are

ourflagmeansdeath · 15/09/2024 20:08

It really is up to you. I had my kids at 24, 30 and 39 and I honestly enjoyed all 3 so much. The age gaps are amazing for me. My older 2 adore their little sister to pieces. My youngest is now 7 and my worries are that I'll feel really old when she is in her teens and gets older..

Comedycook · 15/09/2024 20:10

I'm the same age as you op....I wouldn't think in the here and now...in ten years time, do you still want to be doing the primary school run in your fifties? Do you want to be dealing with a teenager when you're 60?

ShelleyCarpenter · 15/09/2024 20:16

I had my first at 39 and my second at 42. Best thing I ever did. Very easy pregnancies, both c-sections with no complications. They are now 23 and 20 and it’s all been smooth-sailing. I didn’t meet my husband until I was 34 and got married at 37. As pp have said, on the plus side it’s great to have the financial stability that comes with being older

goodthinking99 · 15/09/2024 20:16

I had my one (and only) two weeks shy of my 42nd birthday and it's been great. I wouldn't want to go back to the newborn stage, but I don't think that was age dependent! I've got a couple of years to go until we're celebrating 18th/60th birthdays (a trip to NYC is planned) and to be honest I've not felt any different to any other of the school mums. I think whatever age brings its pluses and minuses so if you feel up to it then go for it.