42 too old for another baby?

[time2changeCharlieBrown]

Anyone had one around or after this age? Tell me your experience
I am wondering if I could, if we did try and it happens
is it too old?
Would be biggish age gaps too
and worry about the toll it would physically and mentally take?
it’s probably a bad idea but I can’t stop thinking about it!

They'd be 8+ when she was in her 50s not infants. I think your take is way too simplistic. Maybe if you had kids in your 20s then you'd be knackered having another at 42. But if you had your kids later it's a different story. I couldn't have imagined having kids in my 20s - trying to build a career and raise kids? That would be knackering.

Agree with another poster who is amazed by all the 40-somethings all feeling old and worn out !

Had my first at 36 following years of fertility problems and it was considered pretty much a given that we would only have one. Then completely unexpectedly had a surprise second (naturally) at 42 !!!! There were lots of differences the second time round but very few were connected to age. Possibly does also help that I live in an area where older mothers are not uncommon.

That said, I do feel slightly sad that I didn't have either of my children earlier so that (statistically) I would be in their lives for longer. But as there is absolutely nothing I can do about this fact now I have had to make peace with it and just concentrate on trying to keep young (attitude) and healthy for them.

How wonderful, what a lovely story. To go from so many years of trying & loss then end up with a large family in such a short space of time. Your house must be busy! 😄
Im glad your story has a happy ending.

I am days away from being 42 - with a 17yo, 14yo, 9yo and 7yo. No way would I be going through pregnancy and birth with a new baby at this age! I am actually breaking out in a cold sweat at the thought 😱

In central London in any kind of a professional career it is young compared to your peers- not shocking young, but 'I don't know anyone who wasn't 30 or above who had a baby' young. I myself was 32 with my first. Pretty average.My peers were probably more like 35 with their firsts. The unstable expensive housing market and trying to start a career means you don't have people intentionally having those babies in their 20s here you might get elsewhere.

I had my now 10 month old DS3 at 38 and I am - and I cannot overstate this enough - knackered. That said, he was my third pregnancy in 4 years so I was already dealing with two under 4 when he was born!

@FishPie2 I didn't assume wrong, you implied it was specifically to avoid babysitting and being stuck with the baby, now you are saying it was for a change and a work opportunity. People can only take from your posts what you tell them.

I am 42 now. My youngest is 6 and eldest is 11. I also couldn't think of anything worse! I was broody about 4 years ago, but now have settled into this great phase where my kids are less reliant and I am starting to get myself back. Going through the baby years again etc sounds like the worst thing in the world right now.

I guess it depends on your situation. If you only have 1 child, then fair enough...go for it. If you have 2/3 kids and your youngest isn't a baby/toddler, then that's mad to want to do it all again right from the beginning! I'd say, enjoy what you have now and embrace this new phase of your life.

My husband was 54 when our youngest was born and I was 32. If DH was 10 years younger we would love a third but it is not fair !!! Current have 1 and 3 year old !’

I’m 52 with a seven and eight year old. Thanks to more financial security and being in a stronger relationship, I can be a better parent now than I would if I’d become a mum in my 20s or 30s. It’s just how my life worked out. I don’t feel any more exhausted than younger mums I talk with. I think being an older mum these days is very different to being an older mum in previous generations (I’m mentally much ‘younger’ than my own parents were at this age). It no doubt helps that I live in an area where being an older mum is quite common. I’d say a third of DC’s peers have mums who gave birth in their 40s.

If never judge someone for having children in their 40s if that's when it happened for them due to tough circumstances (IVF/fertility struggles) or only meeting a decent partner very late.

But I do kind of judge people that are together ages and put it all on hold for careers/holidays etc etc as biologically our eggs and our bodies are not at their best to be producing and birthing children (unpalatable as that is) if everyone done it , no children would ever get the benefit of grandparents being alive, families would become smaller etc.

We are sold a lie nowadays that it's "fine" to only start thinking about having kids in our mid 30s+. But biologically we're at our prime for reproducing at later teens to early/mid 20s. Now of course, that's not necessarily going to work out for everyone. But it's worth considering, society changes but biology doesn't.

Personally for me 40s for a mother birthing and carrying the child is too late.

But other people will say otherwise and ultimately it's up to you and you only.

My friends mum was 42 when she had her. We are 36 now and her mum is in and out of hospital and requires carers to come to the house daily. My friend spends most of her time caring for her mum and has been doing this for a number of years now. I appreciate that some people in their 70s are perfectly fine and healthy like my parents but this is certainly not the case for my friends mum and it puts a lot of strain on her. So I suppose I would just think about things like that and the possibility that your child will be your carer when they could potentially have young children of their own.

@Farmersweeklyreader and lots of wee farmers.

You will be FUCKED running around after infants past 50. (Or even from 45.)

I assume when you say "fucked" you actually mean exhausted?

Not me. I was fine running around after my toddler and up until I was 60 I was running around after plenty of pre schoolers as part of my job.

If you're so "fucked" maybe you need blood tests, some exercise, better diet to help you cope with day to day life?

Yes.

😆 Yep, I strongly believe most women feel like this (in the real world.)

Why is MN so shitty?! This was NOT the question but it’s like you have to ensure you make people feel as lousy as possible.

No I'm not FUCKED dear, because I didn't have babies in my 40s/infants and juniors in my 50s. Mine had left home by the time I was mid 40s.

Try reading my posts again. I never said anywhere that I am fucked.

So your sarcastic and sanctimonious last paragraph is utterly irrelevant.
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Same here! I have a young baby and I'm 41 next month. Didn't meet my Husband until I was 36 and it took us nearly 3 years to conceive, having broken another MN rule and started trying less than a year in.

I had a textbook pregnancy, ran until 24 weeks, exercised until 38 weeks, natural birth with just a TENs machine, out running again at 10 weeks PP. I feel strong and healthy, my baby is strong and healthy.

I don't recognise these Women who are knocking on heaven's door, frail and knackered by 40 🤷🏻‍♀️

Good for you being able to have four children so easily. Ffs 🤦‍♀️ MN really is a shitty sanctimonious place.

there are many women who don’t have this luxury and it takes a lot longer to fall preg or go full term. If you’ve had 4 kids you clearly wanted children so I’m guessing if it’d taken you ten years to conceive and you were In your 40s you wouldn’t be so judgemental and sanctimonious.

I had my second at 38 and that was fine but I'm 42 now and far more exhausted than I was then. I couldn't bear it. In fact we're using two forms of contraception like I did in my early 20s because the idea of ending up in a difficult position scares me so much.
It wouldn't be for me, but it depends if you already have kids.

I don't think 42 is too old, I just wouldn't want to 'start again'. I had my third (and last) at 24 though so maybe that's why. (Now 38)

I have had miscarriages as well as four DC (youngest was born v prematurely, spent five weeks in NICU) so it wasn't all plain sailing.

Sorry for those who have had a difficult time and no one can predict when they meet their partner what will happen and when, in terms of numbers of children conceived.

I had my youngest at at 42! He's 11 now and I'm 53

It's been the most delightful part of parenting, I'm older wiser and so chilled.
He's a delight and I gave the time to indulge myself in it all. Absolutely wonderful. I'd say go for it!

Exactly this for me. Had this thought a lot at the end of my 30s and might have gone for it if my husband hadn't had the snip! Now at 42 I'm so glad we couldn't! I am also enjoying my kids being older and more independent. I am actually looking forward to when they don't need me as much. More so my 6 year old than my 11 year old . He's pretty independent.

Now I would probably be horrified if I got pregnant and had to do it all again! Id have to kiss goodbye to any free time /retirement plans as I would basically be parenting until I retire and beyond! Gives me cold shivers 😂