42 too old for another baby?

[time2changeCharlieBrown]

Anyone had one around or after this age? Tell me your experience
I am wondering if I could, if we did try and it happens
is it too old?
Would be biggish age gaps too
and worry about the toll it would physically and mentally take?
it’s probably a bad idea but I can’t stop thinking about it!

I wouldn't, but mainly because of the risk of disability. If that's not a worry, go for it.

Your comment was about perception - "no one thinks 31 is young..." - my point is that perception depends on many variables including your social circle, education, socio-economic background, inherited wealth. Certainly my peers would have considered 31 young because they would have the expectation that before you start a family you'd have a. a stable relationship b. a well paid job for London standards c. your own place. Not easy to do by 31.

I could have written this post myself!

This and the history behind it. I've been married 25 years. I have two adopted, then two biological, after being told that would not happen. I lost into double figures. All under five now.

I am 42. Would I have another? Absolutely. I would take the fertility gods hand off. But I was never given the opportunity to have babies younger. For whatever reason.

Just had my second at almost 42. I honestly wish I’d done this all a lot younger. It’s knackering and I feel bad that I’ll be in my 50s when they’re still in primary and 60 by time they’re finishing school. I’m sad I won’t get as long in life with them as if I’d done this younger.

I had my second at 42 and it has been great! She’s always been a good sleeper and I feel actually felt better than I did at 32 with my ds who slept terribly. Obviously nothing is guaranteed so I think you have to think about what you really want and are prepared to go through.

@TooMuchRedMaybe

I'm 45 and my youngest is 19, there is absolutely no way I would have wanted another baby at 43 and thus having a 19 year old at 62

Yep this. I can't think of anything worse. I am knocking the door of 60 myself, (and DH is too,) we have 2 DD's who left home a decade ago, and now both have their own house and a partner - one DD is married. The thought of having a school age child right now fills me with horror. Imagine tying yourself down with another child at 45-ish when you have 2 already who you had in your 20s or something. You are basically spending 40 years raising children.

No ta. We have loved our 50s on adult-only cruises, child free holidays, and doing lots of pursuits and hobbies with groups of other adults.

Couldn't imagine having primary aged children at 45-55. (And teens in our 60s!) Hell no! Was lovely having them from our mid 20s to mid 40s, (and we would never change a thing!) but we wouldn't want to start over again in our mid 40s!

Funny how people get so offended when you say NOOOOOOOO to having children in your mid 40s or older. If people are so secure in what they've done, and are happy with it, why do they care what some random on the internet thinks? IDGAF what anyone thinks of me or MY life choices.

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@HeySummerWhereAreYou and that would have been my "ideal" but that wasn't possible. So for now I will take any luck I can get and adore those I do have.

Just curious about your story. “Lost into double figures” ? Are you saying you were married 25th believed to be infertile finally adopted and the naturally conceived so you’ve now got 4 under 5, is that correct?

@ChampagneLassie that is correct

Are you going to spend the next 8 years stuck with "the baby"?

Your dc will get bigger and want to swim, paddleboard, windsurfing, playing football and the like on holiday and in the evenings and with a big age gap someone always has to be sat on the beach/ at home - you know what I mean... with the baby.

I see it when out and about. It's seems to always be the mum, and dad is off having fun with the big kids doing the fun stuff. It looks really boring being the one looking after the little one imo.

It's great fun when your dc get older and you aren't going to get all the fun that comes with that.

i had a couple in my twenties, one in my early thirties and one in my late thirrties and i think 42 is WAY too late.

Ttc my 4th was harder, with miscarriges, the pregnancy was high risk, the birth was dodgy and the baby was in nicu. Although im now a pro at breastfeeding and actually savoured the sleepless nights as i knew it was my last, i felt the whole experience was more tiring and there were more health worries and i just felt less bouncy!

My mother had her unexpected baby at 42, found out she was pregnant end of August and had him beginning of October. Thought it was the monopause.
I left home at 17 not long after as I wasn't going to be a childminder, dreadful experience for me and still don't have much to do with him as he became the golden child.

@ChampagneLassie lost into double figures babies. Eleven to be precise. Two failed IVF. No hope. Discharged. Adopted our two wonderful babies, fell pregnant, covid hit, pregnant again. Here we are.

Presumably you and your mum already had issues seen as you automatically moved out so you wouldn't have to help your mum.

It is my ideal, because it gave me my children. If they’d been born ten, twenty years earlier they wouldn’t be them. I’m certainly not going to start regretting my choices because of someone else’s barely literate rant on here 😂

I think at that age it feels doable however do think ahead! The friends and family I know who have DC at primary school at age 50+ are completely knackered.

I’m getting close to 50 & absolutely adored the younger years with the DC & love them now but am glad they are doing their own thing more. I’m peri-menopausal and just do not have time or energy for the demands of young children.

Her kids might already be past this age and into their teens though, she doesn't say how old they are

My Only child was born when I was 41.9. Much longed for child after years of infertility. I wouldn’t choose to have had my child at this age though, in an ideal world I would have had them 10 years earlier.
We decided not to try for another due to our ages, infertility problems, but mostly because I didn’t want to risk anything going wrong in childbirth or having a baby with a disability.

If I'd had mine in my 20s, I'd be co-parenting with an arsehole. As it is, I've not had to see him in 20-odd years. If I'd had mine in my 30s, I'd have been a single parent, and had my most fun/enriching decade curtailed. I had mine in my 40s, and beware age-induced hyper-ovulation, ladies; I ended up with twins! I'm a better mum that I would ever have been. I'm bloody tired, but I'm not sure that's my age tbh...

No issues whatsoever but it was her child not mine. Not automatically moved out but thought it was time as we lived in a village and I wanted some city life and was offered a good hotel reception job after my college training. So you presumed wrong.

I am surprised to see so many negative comments here. I had my second child at 44. He was much wanted. I did not notice much difference at 44 to earlier TBH in terms of my energy levels or any impact on the children. All families and women will be different and I think it is fine if you want to do it.

I think people's views on this are very much skewed by their personal situations. Had I had children in my 20s or early 30s, I may well agree with the majority on here who are saying they can't imagine it at that age. Sadly it wasn't to be for me and after years of fertility issues, struggling to conceive and then recurrent miscarriages, I eventually became a first time mum at 39. I am now approaching 41 and thinking about trying again. After all we've been through, I am realistic about the fact it might not happen but if there is a chance I can give my precious daughter a sibling then I am going to take it. I am under no illusions that it will be easy and it isn't for everyone at this age, but if I am lucky enough for it to happen sometime in the next few years then I am going to embrace it. Only you know your circumstances and what feels right for you and your family. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

I think it fine it you are in the under 5 zone - it's a big age gap that I personally wouldn't want.

No-one is offended by your nonsense. The OP asked for opinions from women who had had children in their 40’s. Not quite sure why you are all over this thread telling everyone you can’t think of anything worse and you DGAF what anyone else thinks.