42 too old for another baby?

[time2changeCharlieBrown]

Anyone had one around or after this age? Tell me your experience
I am wondering if I could, if we did try and it happens
is it too old?
Would be biggish age gaps too
and worry about the toll it would physically and mentally take?
it’s probably a bad idea but I can’t stop thinking about it!

One and only child conceived at 42, no difference between me and younger mums

I wanted two and wasn't in the right relationship until I was older so had mine at 38 and 41. It's been fine but I wouldn't want to start again at this age if I had already had children. I'm almost 44 and it's tough! I'm tired! The second pregnancy and baby were a breeze but now that she is 2-3 it's a lot. But I don't know any different either.

😁 plenty of helpers

I know a lady like this. Her and DH together since 20s, had a baby at 41 and then realised it was too late for another. The boy also has no cousins,no grandparents. Which is rather sad really. Doubly sad as this woman actually realised she loved motherhood and now Is left with the guilt of not giving him a sibling .

I am working class by origins but now would be considered middle by profession and lifestyle etc (not that I really give a fig) but it's interesting as I mix with both W/C and M/C socially but mostly MC at work and it's amazing the difference in attitudes. MC who have older kids are obsessed with career/uni /skiing/exotic holidays/taking their adult kids who are well in their 20s with them on "family holidays" (you can see why they won't be having their own families till 35+) and there's something I find quite 'cold' about it all. How career is just so vital and pressed into them as so important. (Versus having a family )

Without being arrogant, I was just rather bright academically and just sort of fell into getting a decent job and done a little gentle climbing the ladder through just opportunities coming along. I certainly had no encouragement at home 😆or high aspirations. And in a way I'm thankful for that. No pressure.

I kind of snuggle into the warmth of my w/c family and friends - I find how they do 'family' just warmer in general.

I don't think its the same if you're just a new mum now- I felt fairly energized with one comparatively, as one kid to two adults was a pretty nice ratio to have mental de-stress time. That weary knackered to my core feeling settled in somewhere after kid two for me, I think it was just years upon years of disrupted sleep catching up to me, truly. Before kids I thought you'd just bounce back after you were getting more sleep again but it leaves physiological damage in your core. My doctor friend confirmed my theory when she cheerfully informed me they can actually see the instant aging at a cellular level after having kids.

Why are you still banging on? The OP was not directed at you. You seem very angry and defensive about your life choices

God no way

Knackering at 30

So much more tired at 40. Working 10h a day with 3 teens is enough and I share 50/50 with DH who is great

No way could I do running after babies and up all night as well!

Youd end up giving up work in my view older mothers do as too tiring

I had mine between my mid to late 30s. I wanted to be a younger mum as it happens but didn't meet the right partner (my now DH) until later. I'm happy with how things worked out.

Several friends had their DC in their early 40s. Some did choose to wait until then but not all of them did. Everyone's circumstances are different.

ETA. Most haven't given up work except those who are SAHMs by choice and always planned to be.

My Mum had me at 41 and I remember her napping a lot when I was a teen, I guess she was tired. I have two friends who have had both their children at 40 and 44. In both cases they didn’t partner up till later plus both had given up on child 2.

One is in a very happy marriage, she is older than me and those kids are now 23 and 27, all great. The other her children are 10 and 14, she is in an unhappy marriage. At 54 with young kids still she is waiting till her kids leave home. which seems to happen quite a bit, people divorcing when the kids leave. This isn’t an awful abusive marriage they are just plodding along and fallen out of love. It’s happened in two other long term relationships I know, breaking up when the kids leave home but these have both been in their early fifties. I’m not sure I’m explaining it well, a divorce is not easy at any age obviously.

Yes they know that in other areas the demographic is different but the fact remains that in parts of London it is about the youngest people really have babies. If you do a university degree ( esp with a post grad qualification) then want to get established in a demanding profession as well as get a foot on the property ladder before taking mat leave, you aren’t going to do that much before 31.

So in those groups 31 is considered quite young. Pull it back several years into your twenties and in this demographic people would honestly suspect it was a surprise baby.

I’m not advocating for one over the other. I think there are different benefits to both approaches.

But I was in my thirties and truthfully enormously relieved I didn’t decide to in my mid twenties ( it would have changed the course of my life dramatically ) and in mid forties now would find a toddler less stimulating/more tedious than I did with mine. That, however, may be because I’ve “been there, done that.” If it were my first baby at 42 I’d probably still have that sense of wonder in me that we have when our first baby talks, rolls over … yawns… breathes. Pushing swings and exclaiming excitedly when reading “ oooh look ! Who has come to visit Maisy?! That’s RIGHT ! It’s Tallulah the … kind of … um duck, no… chicken” seems less enthusiasm-inspiring than it did then. 🙄 🤣 I honestly loved doing this in my thirties, but the thought of that now on a Monday morning makes me want to crawl back to bed. I never figured out what Tallulah was by the way. Suggestions gratefully accepted.

Are you sure that's right? Where did you get that statistic please?

I fell pregnant unexpected (we were 100% not trying) and had our 4th at 42.
My mum had my sister at 43 and a close friend had her first with no fertility issues at 43 as well. I don't see how this can be right?

I'd go against the grain and say why not try and then either it'll happen or it won't, at least you won't always wish you'd given it a go. Wondering 'what if...'

As I say we had an unplanned 4th baby at 42 and she's an absolute delight! Her sisters adore her and it's changed the dynamic for the better hugely.

Yeah, we are certainly tired, but I was also tired with one kid, and then two kids and then three kids 😂 It's all worth it a hundred times or more.

Good luck if you decide to go for it.

♥️

I know lots of 40’s surprise babies - especially in my mother and grandmother’s generation who tended not to have them much through their thirties and was always told there is often a slight peak before the drop off of fertility to explain all these babies.

Various NHS websites over the years.

Oh goodness @time2changeCharlieBrown that must have been devasting, I lost one…. I’m so happy you have a happy ending

Depends much on your health, and state of mind.
42 isnt really old these days.
Men seem to keep fathering into their later 60's.
Many are "full time stay at home dads" and do a fantastic upbringing, the wife goes back to work.

I had my second at 43. Physically the recovery was so much difficult than first time. I still have health problems to be honest, don't think i'll ever fully reciver. My both kids were IVF babies so i was mentally exhausted after years of infertility too. Having 2 is 4 times harder than having 1 so both me and my husband are finding life much harder. When we had 1 we could take turns to rest but with 2 we rarely have the opportunity. I love my second and i am glad i have him but my goodness i am exhausted ! On the plus side the kids love each other so much. They are 2 peas in a pod. Having a sibling enriched my daughter's life. I think she takes comfort than even when mum&dad dies she will still have her brother with her so she won't be all by herself.

You also have higher risk miscarriage and conditions like down syndrome or other disabilities.

Might not be a deal breaker and a disabled child is still a joyful thing, but if it's about slipping in another baby but then you have a child with lifelong dependencies, it's a different kettle of fish...

Thats a fantastic blessing to have 2 via IVF.
Well done

Yes, absolutely. The generation gap is huge, you will be really old when or if they have kids and they wil end up possibly caring for you in their young adult life when they may also be wanting to start a family.

I know many adults who are the child in this situation and it is awful

Ooh you are just like me. I have 4 as well and I just had my 4th at 42 years and is now 9 months old. I'm literally done and now will focus on looking after them. Had my first at 32, 2nd at 35 then 3rd at 39.

Had DS at that age and had no issues apart from what I now know is a sign of adhd which I didn’t know I had at the time

He walked at 9 months and was climbing the curtains and jumping off the windowsill at 10 months
He like his sister and mother was diagnosed with adhd

Never felt tired though

I don't think it's too old OP, but only you know if it's the right choice for you and your family. We've had parents celebrating 30th, 40th and 50th in DC primary.

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