42 too old for another baby?

[time2changeCharlieBrown]

Anyone had one around or after this age? Tell me your experience
I am wondering if I could, if we did try and it happens
is it too old?
Would be biggish age gaps too
and worry about the toll it would physically and mentally take?
it’s probably a bad idea but I can’t stop thinking about it!

Absolutely.

I was 40 when I had my first and a couple of weeks away from my 43rd birthday when I had my second. And I’m so glad I did. I definitely wouldn’t want to be spending my fifties and sixties on my own without children.

OP this is not something anyone can tell you: how do you feel about it?

I had my first at 31 - easy and smooth pregnancy - and my second at 40 after a long series of losses. I have exactly the same energy for my second, but I am also much wiser, more advanced in my career (so financially more stable) and more confident in myself as a parent. If anything, I feel that having a small baby and toddler again has been rejuvenating - which would seem to have some scientific backup since apparently women who have kids after 40 are much more likely to live past 100 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just follow what your heart says and how you feel. 42 is just a number.

Personally it’s not ideal for me but I know people who had babies at 41 and 45, all doing well and with big age gaps.

If it’s right for you, you have enough money and attention to share while potential going through menopause go for it. You would make yourself happy either way, both have pros and cons

This is your decision, only your decision.
Not people on Mumsnet
Having a baby in your 40's is more common than you think.
I'm 44 pregnant with my 3rd and wouldn't even know I'm pregnant.
On the other hand, it could cripple you.
Do it if you want another baby. Your body will do what it can.
I've had 2 losses in my 40's and the hospital said it's unlikely to do with my age (obviously not impossible), women are having babies later and later in life as there are more mature mothers coming in with their first.

You're going to get all types of opinions here. You do you.

For me, no. I felt too old at 42, and now at 47 I’d find having a 5 year old and all it entails completely hellish.

But only you know how you feel. I know plenty of women who have had children in their forties and they’re all getting on just fine.

I had my ds at 42 he's 7 now and I'm 50 . No issues being a mum at my age have 10 year age gap with ds 's . Awful pregnancy had hg birth was txt book

Er yes they do. I work in Finance and not a single female colleague (other than me) got started before 37.

What a ridiculous response. We live in an affluent town and most people have their children in their late thirties and early forties.

@HeySummerWhereAreYou
You need to get out more!

30.9 is exactly the age of the average first time mum in the UK. It’s not ‘very young’ to have a baby and surely intelligent women in finance are aware that across the U.K. the average age isn’t 37….

Seriously? I don't know where you live but in my social circle only one friend had a baby in their twenties. Everyone I know has waited to establish their careers and then start a family. The ONS says the average age for a woman to give birth in 2021 was 30.9 - I suspect that skews higher depending on your socio-economic background.

I’m very jealous and you definitely make a case for it! But OP might not be so lucky and could end up with a baby like my second who would wake 10 times a night at 6 months!

I live in London and had my babies in my 30s.

I still maintain that having a baby at 31 isn’t ’very young’ and as you pointed out (and I did in the post above) this is average and not young.

Yes, so, as my first post suggested, in many social circles it IS regarded as young to have a baby. It may not be 'young' from a statistical perspective but it's not the norm in many places.

@TriangulationStation

But parenting can be exhausting whether you’re 20 or 50.

You're deluded if you think parenting a young child in your 50s, will be no more exhausting than doing it in your 20s. You will be FUCKED running around after infants past 50. (Or even from 45.)

Much easier when you're a lot younger. And it's a myth that older mums have more patience. They do have less energy though, and poorer health than 20-somethings. That's a biological fact I'm afraid..... (Despite posters aged 45+ on Mumsnet claiming they are fitter and more energetic than women half their age, and every woman they know had a baby past 45.)

Parallel world of Mumsnet strikes again!

.

Am fit and healthy but 47 onwards peri hits same for most of my friends - sleep affected/hot flashes/brain fog/lack of patience. Would not want to be parenting a young child now.

I think all these ‘I can’t imagine anything worse than …’ miss the point that it isn’t anything worse if it completes your family.

I wanted two children. I found my second pregnancy so very hard, having a toddler to look after and work as well (lockdown happened in my first pregnancy so I napped, a lot) and I had awful sciatica in the third trimester where I could barely walk towards the end. It was hideous and I can’t imagine going through that again.

Now I’ve completed my family, I don’t need to, but for all I can’t imagine going through it again, of course I would to get my baby!

I had twins at 42... Go for it , no regrets here. Yes I'm knackered but still no regrets.

Those women starting their families at 37 don’t think that’s the norm, they are well aware they are at the top end of the scale

I'm 45 and my youngest is 19, there is absolutely no way I would have wanted another baby at 43 and thus having a 19 year old at 62. My other child is 21 and she has sort of moved out but she still comes back for periods of time and my youngest has just signed up to do a 3 year course near home so is not moving out until earliest when they are 22. I would have been 65 if I had had him at 43. Although I do love spending time with my kids I am so ready for them to become fully independent now and have a home that is just mine, an income that is just mine, cook food that is just mine etc. I couldn't imagine going straight from raising children and into retirement with no time in between.

Also, if there is an age gap it is nearly impossible to do fun stuff with the older kids that the youngest one can join in with and vice versa. You have to do all those fun things separately and it gets complicated and expensive.

It's most likely just your hormones that are talking. I bet if you waited another year or two you won't understand what you were thinking.

I find it a little worrying that so many posters are feeling old and worn out in their 40s. Maybe this is why they think that 42 is a terrible age to have a baby.

Nope. They really don't. That's the norm for them.

Everyone knows fertility declines as you age but for my peers 37-40 is prime time to pump them out!

I'm on my late 50s now, I can't imagine having a 15 yo at 57. I think I'd be leaving home!

I tend to find it’s two extremes really. People are either very young - early to mid twenties - or well over 35, often pushing 40.

My NCT group were aged 41, 40, 40, 38, 38 and 36 when we had our first.

I wonder if the age you have your first influences things. I’m 48. There’s no way I’d have the patience to raising a 7/8yo now. However I started young and had my first at 22, he’s now 27yo. My youngest of four is 15 and approaching a lot more independence in the next few years. It isn’t how you feel now but how you might feel having a 10yo at 50 or a 20yo at 60. There is a lot of difference in that decade or two.