MN rules for life - shame edition

[Over40Overdating]

There have been so many bonkers threads lately where OPs have been shamed for what most people in real life would considered normal that I think some MNetters live in an alternate universe.

Shaming people for relatively normal things is off the charts right now.
I’ve got a list of things I now look out for on threads to play rules bingo - please add your MN bingo rules for life: shame edition!

• if you drink alone or at home, you have a drinking problem

• drinking whilst being a parent? JAIL

• express an opinion or anger about violence against women and girls - you are a misandrist and a man hater cos NAMALT

• Got a sex life that is not vanilla but harms no one? You should have more respect for yourself, you harlot

• Like to eat food that isn’t green and in larger portions than matchbox size? You are ‘scoffing’ and ‘gorging’ on rubbish, piggy

• Got a twatty partner who does things to drive you mad? Have you looked at yourself to see why you are causing this?

• Need to go no contact with toxic family or parents? You only get one mother / father and should take any shit they throw at you because someone who has no experience of abuse or family dysfunction thinks you sound selfish and childish. And didn’t you know some people have dead parents and you are being SO disrespectful to them?

• If you have an overbearing or interfering MIL you need to keep your mouth shut because you might be a MIL one day and how would you feel if your DIL talks about you this way?

What have I missed?

Maternity leave is ok but as soon as that one year is up (and it must be exactly one year as six months it’s cruel to have a baby in nursery) you must be back at work. No 18 months off. No, because that would make you an SAHM which is incredibly dangerous and selfish. You must also be working and earning much more than your husband. even if you hate it and have a better life if you didn’t.

Also the day they turn one they aren’t allowed a bottle.

Or have an affair! It's ok if you have an affair but if he does because he hasn't had sex in 10 years, because you're still breastfeeding, he's a scumbag.

It is Saturday night and you must be watching Strictly, sipping wine from a bottle which will last the entire series

Alternately, You must never charge board and lodging even if they are earning £100,000 a year.

Dare to complain about your selfish twat neighbours letting their kids out to play in the garden at 5am in the summer? Move to a rural property. Obviously. It's your own fault for only being able to afford to buy (or god forbid, rent) a terrace or semi. You absolute peasant.

You must not have a doodle dog, however, if you do have one

You are -

Thick, stupid and uneducated
A wicked person who did no research
Paid too much money again - stupid

Your dog is

Crazy, untrained, stupid

In short

you must listen to the holier than tho posters who are dog experts and as such know your dog better than you do and know it is the devils work.

I’m not bitter - but gosh I really can’t stand the sanctimonious crap some of these “dog experts” come out with.

If your DH has ant kind of friend, particularly a female ones, then he's not respecting your "boundaries" (aka control) and you should leave him immediately.
Although it's probably too late, because he's obviously shagging around

If your partner acts like a dick it's your fault for not "nipping this behaviour in the bud."

Glancing in the direction of another man while in a relationship? You should break up because you were unfaithful and it wouldn't be fair on him to stay together.

Plus all the cleanliness ones that make me exhausted to even think about.

@Beefour if you are drinking with kids in the house you are reckless and irresponsible because at any minute you may need to drive one of your children to a&e at top speed. Taxis don’t exist.

If there isn’t another adult in the house, drinking alone means you are an alcoholic and your children should be removed.

Just because you are a size 10 do not believe you are slim.
MIL expresses an opinion, go no contact.
Neighbours knocks on your door, go grey rock.
Do not click on that link, it could be taking you to The Daily Fail.
Long, happy marriage? I thought that and it turns out he was an alcoholic gambler, with a mistress on the side.

You absolutely forgot the

• SEN is not a real thing, every parent these days wants their child to have a diagnosis to claim benefits, your kid is just naughty and they are not autistic, it's just your parenting

This thread is really making me laugh 😂

So much so that I am spitting my wine all over my phone screen and waking up my baby that's dozing and hanging off my tit.

Practically a cross post @Aroastdinnerisnotahumanright 🤣🤣🤣

Edited to add...
And I agree about the cleanliness

Never, ever answer your front door or telephone

Unless by mutually agreed pre-arrangement

@ComeOnThenFanny any child related noise is JUST LIFE and what do you expect?
Any neighbours making noise which risks waking kids - like being in their garden or god forbid having a laugh - should be shot on sight because we all have to make allowances for living in close proximity.

Renting, especially if it’s a council house, shudder means you have no rights, should be invisible at all times & if you have to
exist at least do it tastefully.
You are also likely claiming benefits paid for the high earning husband down the street so be suitably deferential or be the reason all the high earners are fleeing the country.

Haha I saw that thread, gave me a chuckle.

Oh, and when logging onto mn, leave any critical thinking behind.

There was a post the other day about a rude relative.
It said "rude relative" in the title.
It repeated the phrase in the first sentence with (RR) afterwards

A poster came on to ask what RR stood for.
And another poster replied saying they weren't sure

@LocalHobo I am banged to rights on some of those!

Instead of laughing about it and admitting everyone can be a bit hypocritical at times, I am going to announce my departure from this DREADFUL thread, that’s clearly full of bitches and vipers who just want to give me a kicking because they can’t handle discussion like an intelligent adult.

FLOUNCE

You can never have more than two children.
You can never express an opinion about preferring a particular sex because it’s totally meaningless. But at the same time women are completely different to men because trans men are not women. And women are vulnerable and men are evil. Apart from my lovely sons.

@RockyRogue1001 if I state ‘I haven’t RTFT’ and give advice that is now outdated & the thread has moved on, it’s my right to attack anyone pointing this out and call them bullies with too much time on their hands, not like me who was too busy to read all updates before imparting my wisdom.

Quite. Just quite.

@Waystation having a dog at all means you are selfish, weird, anti social and ruining public spaces for the rest of us.

If you love your animal more than you care about the opinion of strangers, something is wrong with you.

The mind bends sometimes, doesn’t it!

If you have a dog, then they are a kid substitute because dog owners fail to have real relationships with other humans... and this seems to apply even if you have kids

If you are on benefits due to being unable to work, and are posting on MN, then you are clearly swinging the lead. Typing on MN = can do a WFH data entry job that there is a huge abundance of in the UK (not).

Anyone struggling with the CoL should just move to a cheaper area and downsize... even if they are already living in a bedsit in a rough area.

Your bestie of 30 years smiled at you funny? Go NC, and ghost her. Don't forget to post in AIBU about how awful she is too. Hubby accidently put a red sock in the lights wash... LTB. Oh, divorce him and clear him out too. And try to have a claim on any future inheritance he has even though his parents are in good health.

Too hot to sleep at night in the summer? That is perimenopause. Fell down the last step and twisted your ankle? That is perimenopause. Every traffic light going red when you are in a rush? That is perimenopause too.

And your house stinks, don't forget!