MN rules for life - shame edition

[Over40Overdating]

There have been so many bonkers threads lately where OPs have been shamed for what most people in real life would considered normal that I think some MNetters live in an alternate universe.

Shaming people for relatively normal things is off the charts right now.
I’ve got a list of things I now look out for on threads to play rules bingo - please add your MN bingo rules for life: shame edition!

• if you drink alone or at home, you have a drinking problem

• drinking whilst being a parent? JAIL

• express an opinion or anger about violence against women and girls - you are a misandrist and a man hater cos NAMALT

• Got a sex life that is not vanilla but harms no one? You should have more respect for yourself, you harlot

• Like to eat food that isn’t green and in larger portions than matchbox size? You are ‘scoffing’ and ‘gorging’ on rubbish, piggy

• Got a twatty partner who does things to drive you mad? Have you looked at yourself to see why you are causing this?

• Need to go no contact with toxic family or parents? You only get one mother / father and should take any shit they throw at you because someone who has no experience of abuse or family dysfunction thinks you sound selfish and childish. And didn’t you know some people have dead parents and you are being SO disrespectful to them?

• If you have an overbearing or interfering MIL you need to keep your mouth shut because you might be a MIL one day and how would you feel if your DIL talks about you this way?

What have I missed?

Don't pander to every supposed ND trait - off with your head!!

Well you shouldn't even be having kids unless you can guarantee that no matter what happens in the next 18 years, you can independently support them without recourse to public money. No one without this should be allowed to have children.
And as you should never have sed without being prepared to face a child, don't have seed either until you're old

Parents should charge their children for board as soon as they start working otherwise they’re spoiled. 40% appears the going rate.

If you use any regional words/grammar/slang you're uneducated and standards are falling horribly. Unless that region is in the south of England.

If your DC has reached the age of 27 months and can't ride a bike, swim ten lengths and speak three languages you have utterly failed them. (Obviously agreeable languages like French and Italian for holidays, Polish or Urdu because they're your native language don't count - that would just be disadvantaging them when they get to school.)

@InfoSecInTheCity and once you’ve lost the worthy, don’t expect to be congratulated because it’s so shallow to find self worth in external appearances

(also 💐)

On the other hand, dare to be slim and you must be miserable, starving, gaunt, privileged, teeny tiny and full of self denial.

This!

@betterangels He’s entitled to a hobby that keeps him out of the house and avoiding any parental responsibility. It’s hard being a man you know!

If you would rather get on a plane, get some sun and lie around with a book and a drink then you really can't be a healthy 'outdoorsy family' as all good functioning families are- and god forbid if you have any kids over 7 who aren't sporty

The worst. Of course whatever hobby he has is outing.

Made a cup of tea for your teenager? Why? Can’t they make their own tea or have you raised a useless parasite? They should be making the tea, and earning the money for the tea bags as well with a job after school and before school and during school.

@FeedingThem well if you don’t consult the crystal ball before conception why should ‘my husband, the high earner’ subsidise you!

And absolutely do not have sex for fun. It’s for baby making or meeting your partner’s needs only! And absolutely do not get kinky with it.

Health Visitors are all interfering old busy bodies, who know Jack shit.

@betterangels yes because Nigel is the only man over 35 dressed in Lycra, bombing the highways and byways of the U.K. every weekend because he ‘has the potential to go pro’. It would be disgraceful for people to know his wife doesn’t support his talent.

Oh and if you have the heating on before your house drops below 15 degrees you clearly need to get a better supply of jumpers, weird sofa blankets and thick socks in for the family- and of course they are all up for this and think it's fun rather than just going and switching the heating on! ( I'm sure some will disagree with me on this and my view is either you are a bit odd, right Asa ducks arise or struggling ( which I understand far more) I don't understand comfortably off folks being really tight with heat when it's not warm

It you are going on holiday, it has to be to France.

Then you need to look like a French person, dress like a French person and of course, only eat like the French.

It's okay to fly to France, but if you go anywhere else you are ruining the planet.

@LibertyStars if they aren’t down the mines at 5, you’ve coddled them.

And if girl children don’t immediately morph into a mother’s help every time a new child comes into the house, she’s a spoiled little madam who should be set to work immediately.

All MILs are nasty controlling witches, you should go completely no contact with them immediately.

@murphys and acknowledge that the French children are so well behaved.

And French women are so chic and thin!

You must not even consider getting a puppy. Get yourself down to a rescue centre, immediately.

@Crikeyalmighty having the heating on full blast is crass - think of the polar bears!

But also if your house is cold because you can’t afford heating, you are neglecting your children. See points above re being reckless enough to have children without being a millionaire

😂

All MN dc (aka children) are willowy, lithe and tall.

They do every sport known to man and are in top teams for all of them.

DH (husbands) are all 6ft or above. You cannot have a DH (husband) of average height. He also needs to earn a 6 figure salary. That entitles him to do his hobby (which can never be revealed, which is always cycling). Never be upset about it, as being a cool wife is the way to go.

@Deliiciousllydifffident and if you do get a rescue you can never trust it round children ever as it could go mad and eat their faces and you will go to jail.

And if the dog is any kind of working breed or terrier, it should be euthanised at birth because it is a born killer.

Obviously 😂