Funeral - do you want one...?

[MargaretElsie]

Having recently been to two - one for an older person, and one for a very young tragic death which is heartbreaking. I can see the argument for both sides, but personally, I've started to realise that I would rather put the money it would cost behind a bar and so those could have a party and a drink on me. In other words, just jump straight to the wake. Several health issues might mean that it is sooner rather than, say, when I am in my 90's so admittedly that helps my decision making.

What would you want...?

It's interesting (and pretty cool) to see so many people are going for direct cremations, and I'm glad it's an option. I don't think it was until recently.... It's a massive rip off a funeral is. No way am I having money squandered on a big pointless funeral. (JMO.)

Also, I don't want people turning up who have had fuck-all to do with me for the past 20+ years, or even the past 10 actually. Didn't care for me/bother me when I was alive, don't come near me when I'm dead. With your faux mourning, and scouting around to find out if there's anything for you. And some of the people I refer to are (some) extended family who've not been fucked with me since the last century.

Fine by me as I don't like them anyway, but some of them are proper scavengers who turn up to funerals of people they've not been arsed with for 2 decades or more, to see if there is anything up for grabs.

Seems like a massive and pointless waste of money to me. We've buried many relatives by this point and it's nice to have a drink and a get together but the actual funeral seems irrelevant tbh.
End of the day though, I'll be dead and it's up to DS whatever makes him feel better. As long as he doesn't spend money he doesn't have, I'm fine with it but I wouldn't mind if he did the minimum.

Nope. There's unlikely to be any family left (only my mother and sister, who's older than me) and while I have plenty of friends, they're casual and I wouldn't expect them to go to a funeral. There wouldn't be anything meaningful said. I just want to be cremated and scattered.

I had this discussion with my parents- they don't and I've told them tough, we do. They're dead- it doesn't matter to them anymore, and the money being spent is ours, not theirs/ but I need to be able to say goodbye, and I need to be able to do that with them 'there' for the final time. I personally feel I've not said a 'proper' goodbye without one, just a wake doesn't cut it for me, so they will both be having one, because it's not like they'll be able to object....

For all those saying "direct cremation"
PLEASE consider donation to medical science

They collect the body at death
no fees
it is used for surgery training (none of the body farm stuff)
and the ashes returned a few months later

Do good, save LOTS of money

Huge generalisation … perhaps elderly Irish people are into funerals but not me … from Dublin, want to be cremated, humanist ceremony with immediate family (a handful of people) is my preference …. Agree with PP who said money would be better spent on drinks for mourners

No I don’t think I do want one. I’d prefer a direct cremation and then to be scattered somewhere beautiful by whoever is in my life at that point and then for them to go and have a lovely meal after. It’s still a chance to say goodbye but without the formality of a funeral,

Really interesting to see so many people opting out of a funeral,

My MIL died recently and in her will stated she wanted to be cremated with no funeral and no ceremony of any kind. DH and his siblings have found it quite hard as there was no "official" send off and now don't know what to do with the ashes. Personally I think once you're dead it makes no difference to you whatsoever what your family do barring any religious constraints of course.

FWIW all four of my grandparents and my dad did body donation
I have no regrets
I know where their ashes are
the memorial services were timed to suit our situations
and joyous

No. I am currently paying a direct cremation plan off in installments.

No I'd like to rot on a mountainside eaten by wildlife

Not being sarcastic faod

when my best friend’s mother died I went to the funeral and watched her live through the second most awful day of her life in front of a crowd. She was burying her mother and trying to keep it together with an audience… she was worrying about timings, and invites and dress codes. That was the day I decided that my choice is no funeral, but if its what those left behind want to do they can crack on, no pressure from my departed soul, I’d be happy with whatever is easiest for them.

My uncle died this year and had no estate and we didn't have the money to afford a proper funeral. We did a direct cremation. However, we had a memorial/wake combined, so I hired a nice room, we did a 30 memorial, I wrote a bit of a eulogy, his friend spoke, my daughter read a poem, we shared some photos and played one of his favourite tunes - we then moved straight into more traditional wake. It went super well and hit the right note of giving us a chance for remembrance without the formality - it was also only about £1500 in total including the cremation.

Sadly sky burials are not legal
cool as they are

That's a funeral though. I want similar, although I don't care who comes.

My grandad had a direct cremation, but also a funeral. It is not either/or. His body came to his funeral (which was in a place that let you stay all day), but then he was sent off for cremation, and his cremains came back a month later.
I can't say it was cheaper, as the place his funeral took place out was expensive (and £3k for a memorial tree that you share with two other families).

Personally, I will be dead so I don't care.

I really don't want one. I suspect not many people would come and I don't care if they don't. Pure cremation or similar for me if partner and kids will allow

It is not months.
I did cadaver lab work at uni, and there were people there from well over a
decade before ( they have a tag with their body).

Same

I would have considered this but it's too unreliable. As I understand it, if they don't fancy your remains or you inconveniently die on a bank holiday it's tough. That negates all my careful planning to save my adult children stress.

Sounds like a lot of people don’t actually want “no funeral”, what they don’t want is current odd ritual that the modern commercialised funeral industry has invented.

I do think English funerals are quite awful and now most people aren’t religious we haven’t come up with a better cultural practise to fill the gap.

Yeah but they can't stop me!

Direct cremation here.
I went to a funeral last week. Thousands of pounds spent just to sing hymns and listen to the children read poems and give a eulogy. Yes it was beautiful and fitting, but still - they could have just got together anywhere and done that.
I don't have enough people to come to a funeral to make it worth the cost. I want a "send off" so to speak, but I don't think that has to be an arranged funeral. A picnic at the beach and for my family to share memories together would be perfect, and then they can use the money saved for a holiday

No, I want a direct cremation, and in a few years time will pre-pay for one. I don't have any close family. I think spending a fortune on a funeral is ridiculous.