Funeral - do you want one...?

[MargaretElsie]

Having recently been to two - one for an older person, and one for a very young tragic death which is heartbreaking. I can see the argument for both sides, but personally, I've started to realise that I would rather put the money it would cost behind a bar and so those could have a party and a drink on me. In other words, just jump straight to the wake. Several health issues might mean that it is sooner rather than, say, when I am in my 90's so admittedly that helps my decision making.

What would you want...?

Direct cremation. I have one sibling, no other relatives. No point wasting time and money on a sendoff.

I really don't care, I'll be dead

No. I practice from my own belief system that I devised and in my family due to this we do not have funerals at all. We place no importance on saying goodbye in a ceremonial way of any description.

I want a funeral but do NOT want a priest who doesn't know me go on about me for 15 minutes. But as I'll be dead I won't be able to stop it.
2 separate family members opted for direct cremation and now their immediate families are struggling and have actually decided to bury their ashes in small private ceremonies.

Direct cremation for me.

Absolutely not. Direct cremation. Also, no wake/memorial service/ ashes scattering or anything similar. I have said this often to both my husband and best friend. I'll be dead, and they just need to live their normal lives without any faff.

I won’t be insisting on a direct cremation with no service. It’s fine by me if my loved ones choose to hold a formal service, an informal service or no service at all. But I hope they don’t waste their money on the more expensive options.

I want my kids to do what they are happy with, I will know sod all about it and I believe funerals are for the living.

I never see a funeral as for the dead, it's for the living to help the deal with the grief. So whatever they want will be fine with me 🤷‍♂️

Never.

Body to medical science (costs nothing, benefits research)
Ashes returned some months later for family to scatter.

Memorial / wake / remembrance party budgeted for those who care.

God no. Direct cremation then money behind the bar for anyone who wants a drink on me.

This is very similar to how we do things in my family. We place great emphasis on not taking for granted any loved one and so that when the time comes and a loved one is lost we don’t have that yearning for some kind of final goodbye that we are just able to accept they are gone - and that’s ok and how things work but we can look back and have memories of all the time spent together truly living in the moment enjoying the company of those we care about. We don’t go to church or anything as obviously don’t have one but we dedicate a lot of time to uninterrupted family time which to us is a better use of time that for example going to church and focusing on worship then when people pass away going to church for some kind of guided goodbye. Just not needed or necessary

I don’t want a funeral as no one would turn up. I’m ashamed that no one would care.

Me too

I often found that deeply unpopular people often had a large turnout! As a child I remember thinking wtf nobody bothered to visit this person when they were alive and I’ve heard nasty stuff said yet here we are some have traveled for hours just to nod and say ‘oh yes I remember blah blah blah’ and get their free tea and cake !

You will have touched people in your life and made an impact. Those are the moments that matter not any goodbyes after you have gone and what you are judged by

Direct cremation for me. I have told all my family that this is my wishes.

I think the funeral industry is like the wedding industry - out to make as much money as possible.

I would be very unhappy with my hard earned money being wasted in this way.

I want a solemn requiem mass. With my favourite readings and hymns.

No. DH and I are having direct cremations. Both DC (mid-late 20s) are fine with this, and said they don't want to be going to our funerals anyway, as it will be too upsetting.

Dh and I have paid for direct cremations. I think the most important thing is to let your adult DC know your wishes ASAP.

What I want for me is mostly irrelevent. I won't be here any more. I have told my adult kids that whatever they do is up to them but I'd rather a party than a wake. Ive 5 siblings with partners (i'm 3rd[6th inc partners] in age - and 69) so it's likely some will be happening relatively soon.

I'm not bothered about a funeral as such for the others but some sort of life celebration will be good, so depending where I end up in the line, probably the same would be welcome; but for me as an individual, I don't give a toss. Medical science, garden, on a bonfire - I don't care - I'm gone

direct cremation for me. I’d like to find a company that could take my ashes out to sea as well.

Vicar here - funerals are so important for your loved ones. The rise of direct cremations is leading to a rise in the number of distraught relatives we’re dealing with sometimes even years later. Ritual really matters and for the Church of England, if money really is an issue, there are ways we can be flexible if you ask.