Explain an Olympic sport badly

[Mylobsterteapot]

People, alone or with a second human, throw themselves off bouncy and non bouncy slab into water whilst making pretty shapes in the air.

You run up to a really tall rugby post with a pole then leap over the post whilst hanging on to the pole

Beat someone up while wearing an unflattering leotard and hat.

Stand on a beach with a friend and hit a ball across a net to two other friends. The sea is nowhere to be seen and if you wear too many clothes you’ll be disqualified. Worst of all, you can’t find the bar and
you’ve forgotten the BBQ.

Stand on a flat piece of wood in the sea in Tahiti while laughing at your teammates in rainy Europe.

You pretend to be Spiderman on speed

Climb lots of stairs then fling yourself off the edge at the top. Ideally your mate does this next to you and while you both plummet to the water below you twirl around a bit. If you're really good you do your knitting while watching the other contestants.

Shove yer hands in lots of different orifices and try not to feel embarrassed about it whilst dressed in your Aunt Flossie's swimsuit (Greco Roman Wrestling, yes it's still an Olympic sport)

Run around, in a circle or a straight line, jumping over lots of little fences.

Run around in many circles, jumping over a bigger fence into a puddle

Recreate being a messenger after a battle in Ancient Greece

Run round the outside of a field with a small stick. Give the stick to another person who does the same. After four people you can all go home.

Like this:

The only part of your body that can touch anything is your hands, but you have to change your grip at least once every second or two. Pretend you have chalk on your toes and you have to draw circles in the air as quick as possible.

Boing up and down and make pretty shapes in the air

You can’t decide what track or field event to do on sports day, so you just do all 10. Lightweights who are similarly indecisive do 7.

Isn't that beheading french aristocracy, with the knitting?

Prance around for a bit, do some really complex flips, stretch a few times and then sit on the floor in the most painful position possible.

Briefly prance and frolic like you're a baby goat, then hurl yourself into a sandpit on your arse

You get wet while holding a stick in a plastic tub.

You run around the field trying to push over the person who has a funny shaped ball and steal it, who then chases you to push you over, until someone dives over a line. Which gives them the right to kick the ball instead.

Occasionally when they can't decide whose ball it is, they have a big group hug to work it out.

I’m enjoying watching a sport at the moment where petite ladies, wearing skin tight Lycra that requires a severe bikini wax, point their toes and bounce around a springy floor, to music.

Athletes compete to do their best Spiderman impression

Just off topic slightly, the women’s gymnastics leotards have got so gorgeously sparkly.

Aren't they fabulous? Like gorgeous shiny beetles.

Sorry for derail, it was great to see Simone Biles back and on top form and the Algerian girl on the parallel bars was awesome.

The sparkly costumes are fabulous.