Men staring at my 12.5 year old daughter

[AutismHelp1980]

My daughter is 12.5, she honestly looks 12.5, she’s about 5ft, petite and has started puberty. What I can’t get over she is just walking along with me; totally oblivious to the world but the number of grown men, I’m not talking young men I mean men in their 30s,40s even 50s giving her the once over is making my blood boil.

I know it’s not something I should point out but she’s still a shorts and tshirt, no make up etc child: and they still stare,

What do I do about this? I want to kill the dirty bastards and shout she’s 12 at them.

I was talking to my daughter about this recently. She said she noticed that middle aged men would stare most when she was in her school uniform.
I remember walking down our high road with her when she was 13 and I was appalled by how many men openly leered at her. One smirked whilst walking towards us and said "hey baby!" as he passed, I yelled "She's only 13 you creep", to which he replied "ooh yeah!". We live in London and when I was young I do remember getting comments but things nowadays seem ridiculous.

Wtf this is sick

Putting @mnhq in a post doesn't contact them, @MaidOfAle , to do that report your own post. I'm afraid many posters won't have come across Swift's dark satire, not even most of Gulliver.
(Iirc the original 'modest proposal' was for an export trade including fine gloves...)

I had this and now my dd has this, she's perved at a lot. Its bloody disgusting. My dd then 14 was walking down the road with her bf. Had a man in his 40s say 'if you don't want her, I'll give her a good sorting out'.
Shes had a man try getting her in his car whilst in uniform. There are lots more examples unfortunately and mainly from men my age. It makes me sick

I thought this on reading the OP - can you be sure your daughter hasn’t noticed? Kids are usually aware of others watching them. Can I ask @Pertinentowl , what age you feel would be right to have this discussion, on reflection?

My girls are not quite at the age for this yet. Feeling thoroughly depressed reading this thread, but agree it’s good to discuss it. My gut wants to go fully in telling DD (8.5) before puberty about how some men can be, fully prepare her. But then my head says like others have said, I don’t want to make her frightened unnecessarily, or warp her view of men in general.

The ‘it’s a him problem’ message is very helpful, I agree what was probably most damaging for us is feeling we caused it. I remember my friend and I at 15 getting perved on by old men in a cafe we worked in. One man wished her happy new year, shook her hand and went in for a kiss, tried to put his tongue in her mouth. She felt she had been too friendly to him and given him the wrong impression. I feel conflicted about whether it’s best to challenge or not - girls need to know that there is risk to doing this but also that this
is unacceptable. I think I’d want to teach her in a public place like a cafe where there are other people, that she should call him a dirty pervert and seek help, and in a more vulnerable situation to ignore and get away. But is this too much pressure on her? So hard.

Hello I haven’t read everyone’s replies sorry!

I so sorry to read though how widespread this is , but I’m not surprised. I will read and speak to DH.

I think my DD is oblivious but I think I will have to talk to her soon. My friend has the same problem with her very tall 11 almost 12 year old. She just feels angry but unsure what to do. As she said she goes into protective Mama Bear mode!

It's so depressing.

Because they're creepy bastards.

Where on earth do you all live, that groups of grown men do these things? I’m in central Scotland, never heard of such a thing!

I agree with this even though i know how you feel 😡
I have a blonde leggy 15 year old and get the same thing and mainly older men , one recently had eyes on stalks and he was with his wife who did not see him looking, he saw me looking at him though !!
My daughter doesn't usually see these vile men and she would be mortified if i shamed them publicly so they get away with it , i think all we can do is raise girls who know their worth and take no crap from these shitty men.

Northern England. Germany. East Anglia.

Yep, shame them. I did it a few times when they stared at my dd as a teen. Saying loudly to them "SHE'S TWELVE YEARS OLD!"

It’s terrible. I had an experience recently, shopping trip with my 13 year old, she was being particularly grumpy and decided to storm off ahead as teenagers sometimes do. So I’m walking about ten paces behind and within seconds I see a man approach her, she’s looking confused and I catch up to intervene. And there’s a 40+ year old man with his friend , asking my 13 year old for a number and offering to take her anywhere she likes . Obvs he got the sharp end of my tongue. He didn’t care though, and his friend leapt quickly to defend him . She looks 13.
She told me later she thought he was maybe a tiktok street interviewer, hence why she gave him the time of day 🙈

It's so hard, I feel your pan. I try not to notice when with dd, so I don't see it.

I wonder if it happens when they're with their dads or make relatives?

It's so awful

@Swisscave lucky you. Read everyday sexism by Laura bates.

My danger is 11.5 years old and I'd be disgusted and have a right go at them. These men are paedophile and where do you live? it's not normal for grown men to stare at a child like that, no matter how grown up they look. They are clearly children ! Ffs. Animals

the Midlands! No where exotic.

I’m sorry that your daughter has had to experience that.
The thought of groups of men, leering at kids is just abhorrent and it’s not a case you having to stare them down or say anything. It’s common decency that other people around should also be calling out that behaviour.
I honestly can’t even imagine witnessing such a thing. Disgusting

I would challenge with
"Can I help you?"
And what they say. "What?" Counter with,

"You seemed to be staring at my 12yo daughter so I wondered if you thought you knew her? No? Probably best not to stare at children that way then".

This is a great way to deal with it!

I lived in central Scotland from age 11 - 22. I can assure you that there were plenty of men there who behaved in the various disgusting ways described in this thread.

Where?
Lived here all my life. There have never been groups of men in public leering at young kids.

Also interesting that you just happen to have lived in CS at precisely the ages we are talking about on this thread. Hmmmm

Why would someone bother to lie about this?
I'd bet money that if you started looking out for it or walked through your town centre with a teenage girl you'll notice.
It's not even older teenage boys that do it, it's middle aged men who need to fuck off.

I also live in Central Scotland and my 12 year old has been getting these looks from men for a couple of months now. It's horrible.

Thankfully she's completely oblivious. For now.