Men staring at my 12.5 year old daughter

[AutismHelp1980]

My daughter is 12.5, she honestly looks 12.5, she’s about 5ft, petite and has started puberty. What I can’t get over she is just walking along with me; totally oblivious to the world but the number of grown men, I’m not talking young men I mean men in their 30s,40s even 50s giving her the once over is making my blood boil.

I know it’s not something I should point out but she’s still a shorts and tshirt, no make up etc child: and they still stare,

What do I do about this? I want to kill the dirty bastards and shout she’s 12 at them.

Of course they can be but it's not women who are obviously gawping at a young child.

You must agree that any adult staring at a young teenage girl isn't good at all. There is no need for it.

I bloody wish, it might have been a better upbringing. But nope. This was in 1989.

I will never be able to ask (deceased) mum why she thought this was alright, but what I do know is that her and her sisters all married men to move out of their very overcrowded family home. “It was the way to get out.” Several inappropriate marriages happened off the back of that.

I guess they consider older men to be more in a position to be responsible and therefore “get” their daughters out of home quicker?

My sister moved in with a man when she was 15. It was not a household you were encouraged to stay in until you could afford to buy your own place.

It's a minority though compared to men

I was 12 and in a DD bra and 5ft7 when it started

So everyone who assumes these men are staring at a child in a bad way are fully accepting that these 'men' include you partners, ex partners, brothers, fathers etc.

Or are they 'no one I know would do this'?

That's probably the best response

That sounds awful. I am sorry the women in your family had to go through this. I hope they are all OK now.

My did is now 20 bit I remember well the perverts looking her up and down from age 12. She looked young and was a jeans and hoody type of girl then. It was always middle aged men too. They would actually blatantly slow down their cars to get a better look and some of them had their own young kids with them. How would they feel when it’s their daughters ? I did just ignore but it was fucking disgusting. Sympathy to you and your dd x

Oh right yes... and don't forget NAMALT (true, decent men don't perv like this, it's certainly not all men, it's not a necessary part of being a man)
Dunno about 'women do it too' in this case... has anyone here ever noticed another woman ogling their kid in the same way as the vile subset of men the OP and others are talking about?

This is awful.

So are these men paedophiles?

Or are these normal men and it's an unconscious, primal instinct?

I don't even know which is worse to be honest.

Oh my, this has been on my mind a lot too. I've been horrified. It's usually mid life men. Practically licking their chops. It's vile. I have only noticed it in the last few weeks too (DD sanme age as yours). Has it always been like this?

Poor girl .. As I said, my DD had to tolerate this, (and so did I when I was younger,) as well as many other girls! And yep, nearly ALWAYS older men. 40+. Absolute pigs! Many of these men have wives, and possibly daughters too. God help us all!

It's gross, I lost my temper on holiday in Spain recently and shouted at a guy in his 60s for eyeing up my stepdaughter.. She's 14 and looks it.
I was honestly so angry and it happened a lot on the beach, I ended up storming up and telling him.. She's young enough to be your great granddaughter you disgusting old pervert!! He looked embarrassed but I doubt it will stop him.

This, and then it's not obvious to your child. But they do need shaming. I usually give them the death stare and say "disgusting" It's so gross. WTF is wrong with them, sleaze on women their own age ffs.
It's so upsetting and shocking how many paedophiles and teen pervs are among us.
How can a child go from being a little girl who is seen as an innocent little girl one minute, to after a few months of puberty giving her little breasts change a mans perception so much. A few months to go from little girl he wouldn't touch to something to think about having sex with!
These men are animals.

These men must be some people's dads, brothers and husbands. If my husband did it I would tell him and would seriously consider my marriage (who wouldn't). I haven't noticed other male family members doing it but would tell them if I saw it.

Maybe some men do it when not with family, maybe some families turn a blind eye. Doesn't make it right whatever the situation.

Anyone who has had a teenage girl or been a teenage girl knows that you get stares and comments. In my day it was worse in school uniform. Horrible, creepy men

I love you!

Men catcalled me when I was in school uniform from about the age of twelve.

It might not literally be all men but it feels like all men when you're twelve, undiagnosed autistic so vulnerable and unsupported and lacking the social tools to manage these men's behaviours, and just trying to get home.

I'm in my forties and a couple of years back a stag party on the railway station up escalator told me and every other woman on the down escalator how they wanted to "shag us up the arse".

It's not all men, but it's always men, and all men benefit from the actions of the harassers and rapists as women shrink their lives and decline jobs and other opportunities just to stay safe, freeing up space and opportunities for men.

This. ^ As I have said a couple of times, women never, I mean NEVER ogle and stare at and chat up school age BOYS when driving past, or walking past them in a public place. Yet men (often over 40) do it with school age GIRLS!

WTAF is wrong with these men?! Mot all men do it obviously, bit it's ALWAYS MEN!

Nope. They’ve had nothing but dysfunctional and very messed up relationships their entire lives.

Further to my previous comment above, I can remember around age 18 going out for a dinner at uni with a group of people who had travelled from another city (sporting event).

One of the guys was older. 30s, I'd guess.

He coached this sport in schools.

I can remember him talking about one little girl, aged around 7, who was "beautiful".

"Blond hair, big blue eyes, she was going to be an absolute stunner when she was older."

It was a long time ago so that's not word for word, but that's the gist of it.

I probably wouldn't think much if a woman said something like that about a child. Maybe the word "stunner" would be a bit odd.

But I didn't like it when this guy said it, enough so that I remember it all these years later.

I didn't know him but he seemed like a normal guy. If challenged I'm fairly sure he'd have been horrified and said he was not attracted to children. Said he was talking about when she was older. And I doubt he was actually a predator.

But still....there was undeniably sexual undertones to what he was saying about a 7 year old girl.

It just makes me so despondent of men as a whole if this is how they are wired. Even the "normal" ones.

I'm hoping not all men are like this...

Yep this. And the reason men don't do it with women their own age is because they know women of 40+ wouldn't tolerate them, and would make them deeply regret their actions!

It has sadly. Maybe it'll change due to how society is changing perceptions, maybe 40s+ are the last generation who grew up where it was all a free for all, no consent, wolf whistling was okay, perving wasn't called out etc. They also say older men lose their inhibitions, and get grosser as young women become something they can't get anymore. I notice young men behave much better around young women these days.

It's just so disgusting. I went from being a kid thinking all older men were protective and safe, to being 12 and feeling this creepy insidious feeling around them.

People saying what about the women ffs! I never ever once noticed a woman perving on my teen son. Not ever. Or a grown women lesbian looking at my daughter. Yes females can be perverts but it’s very very rare.

You always get apologists on these sorts of threads. The fact remains that it is almost every female's lived experience that men openly ogle inappropriately young girls, and these men are almost always over about 35. Younger men don't tend to do it, and teenage boys are almost never overtly and suggestively ogled by older women. People who want to deny that reality will always pop up with the one rare incident that wasn't this overwhelmingly prevalent scenario, but that doesn't change the daily experience for young girls.

They aren't. But too many are.

One neighbour told me he would "wait for me" I was 8 and he was in his early 40s. He said it infront of his wife and kids!