14 year old DD pregnant

[reddevil83]

Found out today that my 14 year old DD is pregnant. DD doesn't want anyone to know so I have come on here as I just need someone to talk too.
I don't even know what to write on here I am so shocked.

I come from a community where basically nobody has sex outside of marriage so no, it's not bullshit.

my daughter,, had everything and alot of rules .. got pregnant at 15. She called me from the guidance council office at school as she was afraid to tell me. She begged me not to tell her dad or her brothers. I never have. I took her for her abortion. I got her on birth control. She has told no one else other than her husband. She is now 36 years old with a great career and two amazing kids. She often thinks of that baby, but she knows she did the right thing for herself and her future family. I support her. If my husband ever finds out (doubt it now ) I will stand by my decision

https://www.bpas.org/contact-us/find-a-clinic/bpas-cardiff/ Try here

They only offer treatment up to 10 weeks.

It looks like Swansea is the best bet in Wales, but the priority is the dating scan.

Op's DD won't get treatment tomorrow but she can hopefully get confirmation of dates within the next couple of days and that doesn't need to be from a service that will carry out the abortion. Everything follows from that.

Big hugs to you and your DD. I hadn’t noticed she is around 16 weeks. A termination will be upsetting and emotionally demanding for all of you but it’s good that DD has the maturity to have thought about this and made a decision. Be sure to stress the potential negative physical and emotional effects of pregnancy in a 14 year old, disruption to education etc when speaking to the doctors. At DDs age it’s likely that termination will be considered less harmful than giving birth and will therefore fall within the legal guidelines.
I obtained my termination through my GP who was very sympathetic.
Good luck.

I value other people based on their kindness not the age they first had sex or the situation in which they did. There are morals that matter and then morals just used as a tool for judging others

It's interesting that as British society has developed what some would think of as "looser morals" over numerous decades, rates of teenage pregnancy have dramatically fallen. If what we want is to reduce the number of teenagers who become pregnant, "morals" don't appear to be massively helpful.

Well bully for you (and I don't believe that anyway!) but it's not fucking helping things!

https://111.wales.nhs.uk/encyclopaedia/a/article/abortion

@reddevil83
This is the self referral info for wales. It looked like only one area does after 14 weeks, and they only go up to 18 weeks so you need to call tomorrow as she may already be past that. After that, they will refer you on to who you need.

1. Swansea Bay University Health Board. Abortion services Telephone line 01792 200303 (Monday to Thursday 8:00am to 3:00pm, Friday 8:00am to 12:00pm). Helpline 0300 555 0279. Up to 18 weeks gestation period – will refer onto appropriate service if over 18 weeks.

I’m in Scotland and even though tthe law allows late term abortions, we don’t have anywhere up here who do it after 20 weeks. We have to travel to England. The BPAS services we have here are just the initial meeting, then they book you in down in England. I had to go down Twickenham when I was in that situation:

Well done for being massively unhelpful and judgemental, you mean!

Nothing immoral about sex outside marriage

Depends on your beliefs.

Could the people still arguing about morals etc take it somewhere else? The OP is now getting useful help and links that she will need in order to act quickly and in accordance with her DD’s wishes. She doesn’t need to wade through posts about other people’s views on whether her DD should have had sex in the first place or how she might be judged - bit late for that and practical support is what’s needed now.

Regardless of beliefs, they are yours only and nobody has any right to dictate to others how they should live.

I think everyone who wants to have a discussion about the morals of sex before marriage and the rights and wrongs of teen pregnancy should start a thread about that.

This thread is a parent who wants advice and support about her 14 year old DD who is pregnant and now needs to deal with that. They can't go back in time and stop it from happening, they can only act on the situation as it is now.

’basically’ means people do…

I'm so sorry to hear this for your DD.

You've had some really useful advice. The key is to find out how far along she is and take it from there. I really hope she's in the window for an abortion even though it will be hugely distressing.

I'm so glad we have safe, legal abortion in the UK. Once it's done, if it can be done, she can look into contraception. She's got you in her corner and I've no doubt she will thrive after this.

I think OP’s daughter is really lucky to have such a supportive mother.

I hope everything gets sorted as easily and quickly as possible.

Bless you OP, it's good your daughter has a supportive mum.

You'll be able to get it sorted - you will probably have to travel to England but you will soon be able to get advice and go from there.

Good luck, hope you're both ok x

Poor girl, what a shocker. I am glad she has told you, must have been so nerve wracking for her.

Also means people do it in ‘secret’ because there is such a stigma, likely have very poor sex education especially around sexual health, reproduction and consent all while the community gives themselves a massive pat on the back for being so morally upstanding

No but 14 isn't great for anybody.

OP is trying to get information here - if you want to debate the ethics of abortion may I suggest you start a separate thread to do so.

Time is of the absolute essence for OP’s Dd, please don’t make it harder for her to find the useful advice she needs in between your personal battles.

I think all the posters here have got that.