14 year old DD pregnant

[reddevil83]

Found out today that my 14 year old DD is pregnant. DD doesn't want anyone to know so I have come on here as I just need someone to talk too.
I don't even know what to write on here I am so shocked.

Make an urgent appointment tomorrow, at some drs the nurse practitioners are actually the best to speak to. My drs allows you to email over the weekend so if the case you can explain the situation and they call you back with the process.

It's getting later so time is of the essence.

I think that's one of the reasons people have advised BPAS; I agree. They will provide advice and emotional as well as practical support.

Sorry that you had a difficult experience.

It’s good she has been allowed to make her own choice

Yes hopefully bpas will be the quickest option and will be as supportive as other posters have mentioned.

In some ways it’s good that OP daughter seems certain of her wishes which will have made the decision easier for her and subsequent recovery hopefully will be smooth and accompanied only by the feeling of relief

Just had a quick look at BPAS website and there are no clinics close to us so we will need to travel. Is this the quickest option or should I book GP appointment for tomorrow?

I wouldn't agree with forcing anyone into termination either. Was just pointing out that in this case, the OP's DD knows she doesn't want a baby.

This is total bullshit, you can't force a 14 year old to have a termination if they don't want to

I think as pp have said, you need to work quickly here op .I'd be making an appointment tomorrow as she doesn't want to go through with the pregnancy

I'd travel personally. And tomorrow if possible.

BPAS probably better than GP.

I’m not sure if they still exist but Marie stopes / msi clinics may have one closer to you and I think they offer nhs options

There's many many posters who have shown their sympathy, who have recognised it's an awful position to be in. Shaming the OP or her DD isn't helpful. Maintaining an open, honest relationship between the OP and DD is what is most needed, how is "denouncing" what has happened necessary? Noone has expressed that it's OK for a 14 year old to be pregnant, or have sex, quite the opposite. Lots of people have urged the OP to discuss long term contraception with their DD, so I guess if people search in future and find this thread they'll see that advice too, which might be helpful to others. I fail to see how this thread would be unhelpful. You seem to want judgement, why? It's good that this thread is pretty free from judgement. Judgement doesn't do anything to help 14 year old girls who have made a mistake, or their mothers. People used to be very very judgemental about this sort of stuff, and some still will be, but thankfully, most have developed a more empathetic attitude to it.

Prior education isn’t going to help this young girl or anyone in her position. Mum’s on here will be reconsidering the age at which they have these discussions without any judgement or piousness.

Most people are just here to support mum and her daughter.

BPAS, MSI (formerly Marie Stopes) and NUPAS are the main providers. The full list is here:
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/clinics-authorised-to-carry-out-abortions/list-of-independent-clinics-and-hospitals-approved-to-carry-out-abortions

Usually if you search for "abortion clinic near X" one of them will show up.

Agree, it could literally happen or have happened to any of us.

I have no idea why some people rush into judgement. They should have a good look at themselves in the mirror!!

I'm not suggesting they would be forced into it. That would be barbaric.

I'm saying it should not be the child's sole choice. A fourteen year old does not have the capacity to make a sole choice with such life altering consequences.

I don't think it should be as simple as saying the child can say 'my body my choice'. I think parental involvement needs to be part of the process. It's not the same as an adult woman making the choice.

Speak for yourself, I don't believe that to be true. Although that's not really relevant to the thread.

Hi. That must have been a shock for both of you. Is your relationship with your DD good enough to discuss this? Both of you need to take a few deep breaths, acknowledge that it has happened, it’s not the end of the world and there’s no blame or judgement.
You can then discuss the best way of moving forward. Early terminations by tablet are less traumatic than by surgery but is still not an easy solution. I’ve had a termination and, whilst it was the right decision for me at the time, it may not be right for your DD. Her opinion counts. The last thing you should consider is putting pressure on your DD to terminate if she wants to continue with the pregnancy. She’ll probably be feeling confused and scared. It is possible for a 14 year old to raise a child with support, again this is no easy option. DD would require her, and if possible, the father’s, family support. There is a third option of giving a child up for adoption. This is relatively rare these days and, again, is not an easy choice to make.
That may look negative, and I hope that she is early enough into her pregnancy to have a range of choices and time to make an informed choice.
I hope you have chocolate and cake in the house (plus wine or gin if you drink alcohol). You’ll feel drained and will need to be able to relax.

A pregnant 14 yr old and her worried mother don’t need lecturing or ‘education ’ at this point. They need practical advice and emotional support.

Any learning from this can come later.

If you go to this NHs link they link you 3 different providers, you may have better luck with a different one

www.nhs.uk/conditions/abortion/

Can't seem to find any local ones, we are in Wales and nothing showing so looks like we will need to travel to England.

@reddevil83 here's some info for Wales, looks a bit less straightforward as seems to be differentiated by cities/towns but see if it helps

111.wales.nhs.uk/encyclopaedia/a/article/abortion

111.wales.nhs.uk/encyclopaedia/a/article/abortion This gives details depending where you are in Wales. Might be worth contacting your local service first for referral details even although most don't offer services over 12 weeks.

I grew up in wales and someone I knew had a termination and they had to travel to Birmingham for it, from my understanding the service is far less accessible in wales

The Op ,s daughter is 14 and 16+ weeks pregnant ,she needs support and practical advice ,she doesn't need a lot of handwringing and judgement, nor is it helpful for other posters to imply its rape
Nobody thinks its a great situation.

This is a really important piece of information from that Wales specific page so highlighting it as your DD is rapidly approaching this point

"What kind of treatment is available?
Late abortion is not available in Wales (20 to 24 weeks), however the medical and surgical method are available. Your clinician will discuss the most appropriate method, and alternative methods if applicable, with you to help you decide the best option for you."

Bullshit! Unless you have your DD locked up 24/7 anything can happen. Don't be so bloody narrow-minded and downright fucking judgemental!!!

As for speaking for myself, my DDs are in their 20s and thank god it didn't happen.

Pride comes before a fall, so look out.