14 year old DD pregnant

[reddevil83]

Found out today that my 14 year old DD is pregnant. DD doesn't want anyone to know so I have come on here as I just need someone to talk too.
I don't even know what to write on here I am so shocked.

I would not encourage a termination that far along.

It’s a lot to deal with for a 14 year old regardless of what she ultimately decides. Drs asap to get the ball rolling if she doesn’t want to continue with the pregnancy. All the best to you both.

Online pregnancy calculator shows 16 weeks from date of conception. It was her first time.
The dad is her friends brother he is 14 too.

Nonsense. It's usually very straightforward.

Nothing thats not already been said, time is of the essence here.

a gentle hand hold to you both, it’s not the end of the world, accidents happen, she’ll be ok in the end and she’s very lucky to have a mother like you that she can confide in

I presume that's based on your personal opinions of abortion, but as there's no medical reason not to, your comment isn't really helpful to the OP.

If she’s made the decision, don’t waste time with a GP appointment, she can self refer in most areas in the UK, eg BPAS have a postcode checker on their website, or contact your local sexual health clinic.
The service provider will be able to do a scan to confirm and date the pregnancy, and then discuss options with her. They should also talk through the decision with her and make sure she is comfortable it’s the right one. Often they can arrange follow up counselling or similar, as even when it is the ‘right’ decision, it’s still bloody hard, and the emotional trauma can linger for some time.

If she has a surgical procedure, they should offer to fit a coil at the same time, so something to discuss with her if she would want that.
She may also want to consider STI screening, so the sexual health clinic can also advise on that, if needed.

no-one sets out to be in this position, but she’s told you, and thought about her options, so at least you can support her through this whichever it ends up going.

sending you both ❤️

Don’t be ridiculous. She can have an abortion up to 24 weeks. There are various methods available.

you’d seriously make a 14 year old girl carry an unwanted pregnancy to term?

OP, when you say from date of conception are you taking into account how pregnancies are calculated? Do you mean it’s 16 weeks since she had sex because if so, that could put her at about 18 weeks pregnant. I don’t want to presume that what you meant and you may have taken the extra two weeks into account (so sex was 14 weeks ago) but in case you haven’t she may be further along that you think!

OP, are you happy the father is a boyfriend of around her age? If it is a boy who is older - even by a school year - it could be problematic for him legally. I know she doesn't want the boy to know - that's OK. But you perhaps need to know in case there is anything here that needs investigation. The police do take underage sex seriously if there is an age gap. I wouldn't suggest any of this at all to your DD right now because you need the pregnancy dealt with and that must be the priority. But once that is done, the discussion can shift a bit if it needs to. Hope she's OK. It must be a big shock for you so take care of yourself and don't worry about the idiots making nasty comments.

If that’s what she wants it’s the best option

Do follow the BPAS links and get the ball rolling as early next week as you can. While still well within the time limit, best to avoid delays.
she’s not the first and won’t be the last and she’s making a good decision for her.

Please remind DD that there's nothing shameful about abortion. It might not be the hardest decision to make, for some it is the easiest. It's absolutely fine to feel relief afterwards too. You are not a bad person if you don't feel sad about it.

Also, she will not be the youngest pregnant girl the doctors have seen. This has been happening since the dawn of time. She isn't the first and she won't be the last. It isn't some failing on your or her part either. What matters is what she does going forward and that means proper precautions.

I wish you both all the best.

I was thinking that about 16/18 weeks - time is of the essence.

@reddevil83

I feel for you OP.. If I were you I would sit down with her and contact bpas telephone number immediately, you can find it online.. It sounds like she has decided not to keep it so they can offer you solid advice and get her in for a scan asap if you explain how late she is and her age.
The option is likely surgical termination at this stage (I've heard good things about those).
My experience with bpas was nothing but positive, I was seen same day when I explained the urgency of the situation and all sorted within days.. It will be a shock and she will need some time off school to recover mentally and physically but bpas can also help you plan going forward with contraception and support her.
Good luck.

Bless you. You’re really getting all this under control and you must feel like you’re reeling. 💐

You need to be strong. No recriminations, your poor child needs love and hugs and promises not to tell anyone - not even your husband. (you can cope with him later, at the moment this is womens' business and strictly between you and her).
Make an appointment with her GP tomorrow and arrange a scan and termination.

Well, time is a factor.
If she wants to endex, then just do everything to support her.
This is obviously a huge shock, OP, but ignore the idiot comments on here and focus on the both of you.
Hope it works out.

what a shock!

firstly, Deep breath. Secondly, action.

She’s 16 weeks:
Most urgently sort of the practical steps

1. Call in sick to work with personal emergency and personally I’d keep her off school.
2. sort out the clinic first thing Monday (BPAS) and get an appointment and start the process of securing an abortion.
3. youll need to decide how to handle this with the school. Personally I wouldn’t disclose it. She doesn’t want people to know neither would I and I’d respect that. I’d self cert for the school and if drs note is required due to time off I’d find a sympathetic GP and ask it is ultra vague (eg gynaecological condition or similar)
4. Later, post abortion sort out effective Long term conception. As part of the abortion process the clinic will likely discuss/offer contraception - I would encourage her to take it even if she isn’t considering sex for a long time. Coil or similar would not be a bad idea but ultimately you can agree one together.

Right now
Support her fully and protect her.
keep her at home / close to you.
do not judge her / express disapproval or disappointment - there is plenty of time for it later.
ignore the father or telling him etc and the fact she is having sex. for now.
Focus your energy exclusively on supporting her through this.
Afterwards you can start to unpack ALL the other stuff.

i am a big believer in circle theory (give it a google) find someone to support you and give her all the love and support you can.

this is one incident and one mistake - it doesn’t have to define her life or yours.

I’d get a move on first thing Monday morning to book a termination. Fast as possible in the circumstances. She’ll need counselling I’d have thought but right now all energies in getting the abortion booked

She is probably scared out of her mind. And in denial about what this means. I'm so sorry you (and her) are going through this.

Okay. So you won’t need to go down the legal route then. Good luck…my girls are 13 and 15, so I really feel for you. If it were one of my girls, I would get this all over with ASAP and maybe consider Depo, etc, if they were going to be sexually active going forward. I would also find out from my girls:

1. are they BF/GF?
2. does she love him?
3. was she pressured?
4. did she give enthusiastic consent?

And depending on the answers to the above, I would do my best to help her work through it all. Good luck. X