Can you help with a polite one liner to stop these conversations with SILs?

[User1974]

I am very close to DBs and very different to SILs in personality but we all get on ok. I have a specific style which I wear day in day out - and have for 35 years. SIL both love shopping, especially for clothes and discuss clothes a lot, I am not involved in these discussions.

The last 3 times I have seen them together they have tried to arrange a "make over" for me. I get it, they think I wear old stuff and need some pizzazz, but it is just not my style. Also make up, which I do not and have never worn. Also, I have MS and mobility issues and what I wear works for me, I am very very busy.

I have smiled and been sort of evasive but now they are offering dates for my big "make over" and they are super excited. What can I say to firmly but politely tell them, thanks but no thanks.

SIL1 has form for getting in a massive offended huff if she feels slighted. About 10 years ago I didn't attach a large birthday badge she'd made me to my silk dress (because it would have damaged it it was very very heavy! I did pin it on a ribbon which I wore on my wrist! I tried!) and she still goes on about it. Another time she asked me if I wanted her to buy a cake for DD's birthday and I said we'd made one and she called me a "Yorkshires answer to Mary Berry" for the next 6 months 😂😂

Good God, they sound insufferable.

I’d be tempted to buy them a Barbie and tell them to play dress up dolly with that, as you’re busy.

Just remember, it isn’t your responsibility to keep SIL happy - she’s a grown woman and is responsible for her own reactions to things. If she gets in a huff, this isn’t your concern.

So I would probably say to her “it’s very kind of you to think of a make over for me, but I’m actually happy with my clothes and I don’t really wear make up - but would you like to do something else together, like (insert activity that you both enjoy)?”

If she huffs, just act surprised because you’ve been totally reasonable - just breezily ignore any huffing.

Just say "thanks, but I'd rather not have the makeover. I'm happy with how I look"

That's plenty polite. If they get offended then that's on them.

I'm not very good with smart comebacks unfortunately but I have MS too and wear clothes for comfort especially shoes these days. Make up isn't easy either when hands are numb and manual dexterity isn't great. Maybe explain that to them or ask your DBs to intervene as while maybe they are well meaning it's rude and you are not their makeover project

"Well, that's obviously not my sort of thing, is it?"

Then change the subject. They sound very tedious and disrespectful.

How dare they? You are fine just the way you are!!

Make a date and send dh.

Could you try “I’m not the one who needs a makeover guys.”

3 times! Evasiveness isn't working. "Thank you for the idea, but I am not interested in doing that." and change the subject? If they persist, something like "I've told you, I'm not going to be doing that. Maybe the two of you (the two SILs) can go together?"

What have you been doing in terms of being 'sort of evasive'?

Thanks for the offer, but I really don’t fancy a “makeover”.

If she gets offended, you can point out that you could easily be offended by people thinking that you’re so dowdy that you need a makeover. It’s f**king rude!!

I understand their motivation. I live doing people up. My friend went to a very posh restaurant with me in her old hiking boots, bland jeans and a top and an old Karrimor jacket, no n make up, hair un brushed. She’s thin and has a body you could clothe well. So I desperately wanted to re-do her look.

But, none of that means I had any right to take away someone else’s autonomy. I didn’t let her know what I was thinking and neither should I have. I think I need to work on my desire to change people.

No is a complete sentence.

"Thanks, but it's just not my thing. I'm not into makeup and I'm happy with my clothes so I'd just end up spending money on stuff I'd never use. Let's do xxx instead."

And if they rebuff that, you can start getting passive aggressive with comments like "looks just aren't as important to be as they are to you" and the like.

Or "I'm happy exactly as I am. And if you'd like a makeover, I'm happy to come along and lend support".

I would be so boring and uninterested in my response: "no, I don't want to do that."

You know it won't be happening. You sound like someone who won't be pressured into doing it so don't worry.

They, on the other hand, sound like total twats.

No thanks.
No thanks.
No thanks.
No fucking thanks.
Fuck off.

She sounds like a weirdo, why are you paying any mind to what she might think or feel

'Im not sure where you got the idea that I want or need a make over from, thats not something I'll be doing!'

and tinkly laugh as Ive seen it said here.

They sound exhausting.

I’d just say. ‘I appreciate your offers and good intentions but I don’t want to go through with it as it’s not important for me. I’m honestly happy just as I am. Thanks for making the effort though. It’s very kind. See you soon.’

Whats wrong with you? Just accept people how they are.

This. Just keep repeating that phrase. Over and over. I don't know why you've just sat there and let them discuss you like some sort of project.

As you have said no 3 times - you are on to

No fucking thanks

i think it’s really rude of them. I would also tell them this and certainly wouldn’t be thanking them for their ‘kind’ offer.

She sounds appalling. I’d say “No thanks, I wouldn’t like a make over” and leave it at that. You’ve tried being subtle. She’s unbelievably rude to keep pushing this so frankly anything short of “fuck off” is polite.

I generally find people who want to change everyone else’s look have terrible taste, fwiw. I have a friend who is constantly talking about making over people’s houses and how she might go into it professionally- her idea of taste is “rip out all original features, paint it grey then add a lot LEDs” 🤢

How rude of them!! Just say ‘no thanks I don’t want or need a makeover I’m fine thank you’.

Let them be offended, twats!