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Original poster

Can you help with a polite one liner to stop these conversations with SILs?

238 replies

User1974 · 30/06/2024 14:11

I am very close to DBs and very different to SILs in personality but we all get on ok. I have a specific style which I wear day in day out - and have for 35 years. SIL both love shopping, especially for clothes and discuss clothes a lot, I am not involved in these discussions.

The last 3 times I have seen them together they have tried to arrange a "make over" for me. I get it, they think I wear old stuff and need some pizzazz, but it is just not my style. Also make up, which I do not and have never worn. Also, I have MS and mobility issues and what I wear works for me, I am very very busy.

I have smiled and been sort of evasive but now they are offering dates for my big "make over" and they are super excited. What can I say to firmly but politely tell them, thanks but no thanks.

OP posts:
SapphireSeptember · 01/07/2024 23:06

viques · 01/07/2024 10:22

I am very shallow and am worried about how the OP looked in that Joseph skirt. She says she is five foot one, but the skirt comes in a 70cm length. Assuming the model is at least five foot nine………

Show quote history

It'll just look longer. I've worn skirts that on models look calf length but on me reach my ankles. Much prefer ankle length to be honest!

SapphireSeptember · 01/07/2024 23:07

RingBinger · 30/06/2024 23:15

Is having long hair when being older culturally insensitive now?

@SapphireSeptember NO, OF COURSE NOT.

But is the (presumably) non-Indian OP citing her Indian aunt as a reason why she has long hair and saying "if it works for her, it works for me" culturally insensitive? Yes, perhaps, a bit, although I'm not sure which is why I asked the question.

I don't know why the OP mentioned that her aunt is Indian if not because her being Indian is relevant to why the aunt has long hair - that's why I asked.

FWIW, I am 51 and also have long hair. (And it wouldn't occur to me to refer to any other woman to justify why I do so.)

Oh, okay. Thank you for clarifying. 😊

cremebrulait · 02/07/2024 09:40

“You know that line you’re not supposed to cross? Look behind you!”

Packetofcrispsplease · 02/07/2024 10:07

Oh good god 🤦🏻‍♀️ I have had similar ( not from SIL or my sister ) they do an “ aw “ and a head tilt

  1. aw shame , do you not take a tan ?
  2. oh are you actually wearing makeup ?
  3. oh you will need heels 👠 ! shorty

my answers - don’t want fake tan and I don’t want aged skin from tanning .
yes I’m wearing a little foundation that is skin matched and some neutral eyeshadow
I’m short but I don’t fancy my legs aching from wearing heels 😂 or falling on my arse

mbosnz · 02/07/2024 10:29

I haven't read the whole thread, but I would forget about being worried about offending them, because they'd have already offended me!

I dress the way I want, I am very happy with the way I dress and look, and quite frankly, how very dare they judge me for how I dress and look, and have the temerity to attempt to change that for their entertainment?!

ButterCrackers · 02/07/2024 10:31

Tell them no to any make over. Tell them that you are happy with how you dress and that this is none of their business.

CruCru · 02/07/2024 11:15

The thing is, who is paying? If you were super keen then a new wardrobe and a load of make up would be at least £2k. It’s easy for them to say “Yay! Makeover!” but it won’t be free.

This is one of those times when it is more polite to be direct. “It’s very kind to think of me but I really don’t want a makeover. I like my clothes and I don’t like make up. I’d rather do something else with you.”

CruCru · 02/07/2024 11:20

User1974 · 30/06/2024 15:21

Yes, it is tempting. DS and DD struggle with it all and want to brag about my success but they are forbidden. I am honest when asked but say nothing. SIL tried to recruit me to Tropic Skincare to 'Boost my income" last year - that was a testing one I tell ya! 😂
But I said I was busy and didn't have any personal social media so I would be no use to her. And bought some of that soap on a rope from her and said how lovely it was and useful.
Just be nice1974, always be nice.

I like the Japanese way, stay cool, stay calm, be as pleasant as possible.

Show quote history

Actually - is it more a “sell you a load of stuff / recruit you to a MLM” than a proper makeover? The mention of Tropic Skincare makes me a bit suspicious.

pollymere · 02/07/2024 11:45

"I'm actually really offended that you think I need a makeover. I'm very proud of my style and the way I look. Please stop."

As she is such a huffy cow, I think you need to be the one getting huffy and offended here. If she comes out with that old trope "I'm only trying to help" or "But you could look so much better", you will need to point out that she is being extremely offensive and hurtful and she needs to stop. Now.

And in your head sing "I am what I am" whilst telling her...

(I was at an event and moved too close to a stall for "Beauty Enhancement". The woman looked at me pitifully from her fillers, Botox and dyed hair and asked if I wanted advice on anything. I had great pride in telling her my long nails are natural, my hair is natural, my boobs are natural and that most people think I'm ten years younger than I am so I must be doing something right 😂).

DappledThings · 02/07/2024 11:54

I started this thread in sympathy with OP who seemed to be trying to be polite to some well-meaning but annoying relatives. But it's moved quickly to her having fun at their expense while repeatedly demonstrating that her taste is so much better than theirs.

OP your text to them was totally stringing them along to let them think you were up for it another time and with more encouragement. If you actually wanted to end the conversation you would have done by saying clearly you were happy as you are and will not be having a makeover. You're continuing the drama for your own thread.

qotsa · 02/07/2024 12:01

Omg. I think the fact you're worried about offending her speaks volumes about how intolerable she must be. I would be hugely offended if this was me. I'd just turn around and say "I'm fine as I am thanks. Would you like a big make over SIL, as you're so obsessed, I think you'd enjoy it?" So rude. Or as another PP said. Just no. Stuff it if she's offended, she needs to get her head out of her arse.

qotsa · 02/07/2024 12:02

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 30/06/2024 14:39

i think it’s really rude of them. I would also tell them this and certainly wouldn’t be thanking them for their ‘kind’ offer.

Exactly

Goodtogossip · 02/07/2024 12:40

A simple 'No thanks, not for me at all' & keep repeating until they get the message that you don't want or need a make over.

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