Can you help with a polite one liner to stop these conversations with SILs?

[User1974]

I am very close to DBs and very different to SILs in personality but we all get on ok. I have a specific style which I wear day in day out - and have for 35 years. SIL both love shopping, especially for clothes and discuss clothes a lot, I am not involved in these discussions.

The last 3 times I have seen them together they have tried to arrange a "make over" for me. I get it, they think I wear old stuff and need some pizzazz, but it is just not my style. Also make up, which I do not and have never worn. Also, I have MS and mobility issues and what I wear works for me, I am very very busy.

I have smiled and been sort of evasive but now they are offering dates for my big "make over" and they are super excited. What can I say to firmly but politely tell them, thanks but no thanks.

Fix her with an unblinking unsmiling stare.

Say

(Names) ... As I have said many times, my answer is no.

I do not want a makeover.

I will not attend a makeover.

I wear the clothes I want to wear that do not cause me pain and discomfort.

MS is a condition I no longer expect you to try to understand.

But I do expect you to respect my experience.

And as I say, my final answer .... is NO.

No tinkly laughs, no apology, no thank you buts.

Repeat and as I say, my final answer .... is NO.

(These two are a gang of mean girl bullies. They feel superior to you because they are younger and taller and in their own eyes the stylish ones. Your business status - and baking ability - rock that world view and self assurance and they lash out. Every time you get a bitch remark, that steely gaze - you're a businesswoman used to negotiating and managing - comes out with a 'how do you mean?')

It's all very strange isn't it?

That some women can't grasp that not everyone wants to follow fashion/the lastest trends & seem to take it as a personal insult.

They are bullying you.

@User1974 I love your approach! So many of us, me included, could do with know how to not let others get to us. I think instead of asking for advice on here, you should be giving it out!

They honestly are not bullying me, I am incredibly resilient and just want it to stop because it is so fucking boring, frankly.

I'd be tempted to turn it into a game and tell them I'm so so excited for my make over, but then keep cancelling the day before (shouldn't be difficult if you already have a lot on) until they give up.

Oh come on OP, if this is real, and I dont doubt it is, you are missing vital opportunities here to do some sort of anonymous diary/blog thing here, its hilarious

Given that you are clearly a stylish and successful business women I think you've got it in you to be far more assertive than you have been thus far.

I just showed DD this thread and she told me to tell you about the time SIL2 brought a fascinator to a family wedding. For me to wear. Because it was 'cute'. I was wearing this (not actually this but a prev season version of this in a slightly darker shade: https://www.joseph-fashion.com/en-jp/silk-satin-isaak-skirt-jf008184_1093.html?dwvar_jf008184__1093_color=Spark and the fascinator was like this: https://www.phase-eight.com/product/twist-detail-headband-706287751.html#cgid=hats&is=true&sz=60&start=0&isSecondPage=false&pid=70628775100&pos=4 but lilac!!! I did not wear it. You are right thou, I am a coward - I said "The bands give me a cracking headache, sorry" and gave it to my 6 year old niece who was thrilled 😂

You sound very stylish OP, goodness only knows why they think you need a makeover.

I’m someone who probably does ‘need’ a makeover because I look a fecking state. (Leggings, hoodies, unruly hair, inelegant comfortable footwear.) But thankfully none of my friends or family have ever tried to make me over. I imagine they think I’m a lost cause 😂

I appreciate you making me the offer of a makeover but I will not have a make over. I am happy as I am.

Then just repeat when asked, I am happy as I am.

No need for anyone to take offense or need it be explained a lot. I am happy as I am.

It is all true, but I am being utterly disingenuous, you are right. I wanted to have a bit of a laugh about it and knew all you lovelies would make me laugh and it would not hurt their feelings. They drive me crackers bossing me around all the time but I like to have lots of niece time and having a giggle will enable me to be more tolerant.

"It's not for me. You two look fabulous, but I wouldn't feel comfortable with a new look. How about we all just do (other activity/get together) instead?"

I am boring and wear the same things all the time, which they think shows a lack of knowledge/care. But they are wrong. Basically. They are nice people but very rigid and have a much smaller world than we do.

I am guilty of only skim reading OP's posts.
OMG woman, become assertive!
"Listen Up gals, I am not having a makeover. It's great you want so much to help me out but I am not interested. I truly like my style how it is now and I'm not interested in changing it."

On repeat.

You're very accomplished and successful for someone who can't say no, eh?

Its much harder to be assertive with family that with business clients and employees actually

I understand their motivation. I live doing people up. My friend went to a very posh restaurant with me in her old hiking boots, bland jeans and a top and an old Karrimor jacket, no n make up, hair un brushed. She’s thin and has a body you could clothe well. So I desperately wanted to re-do her look.

On the contrary, the staff at the posh restaurant probably assumed she was "old money" dressed like that!

Tell them their make over is against your religion which you cannot discuss.

Oh my god I hate this. I get similar about house decoration from my greige/beige/white box loving SiL. She just assumes her taste is superior.

I said " if I wanted my house to look like yours, that's what it would look like. I don't. I prefer my style to yours and that's the end of it". The helpful suggestions stopped.

“Why do you think I need a makeover?”

“What’s wrong with how I look now?”

Either of these, said with a smile but not breaking eye contact. Make them explain, maybe if said out loud they’ll realise how rude they are being. If not, then I wouldn’t care if they were offended.

Does it really matter if she was or wasnt old money though? Most people do have enough about them to know to dress appropriate to the occasion, not turning up to a posh restaurant as if you're just out to the potting shed.

“Ladies, you do you and I’l do me.”

Sorry girls, Why would I try to become something I don't want or like, because it makes you happy?

Good luck! I'm the same as you - choice clothes and I like them - bloody hate faffing around shopping and basics of beauty and hair for me, good colour, cut and quick wax/facial - hope
They get the hint!

That would do.