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Original poster

Can you help with a polite one liner to stop these conversations with SILs?

238 replies

User1974 · 30/06/2024 14:11

I am very close to DBs and very different to SILs in personality but we all get on ok. I have a specific style which I wear day in day out - and have for 35 years. SIL both love shopping, especially for clothes and discuss clothes a lot, I am not involved in these discussions.

The last 3 times I have seen them together they have tried to arrange a "make over" for me. I get it, they think I wear old stuff and need some pizzazz, but it is just not my style. Also make up, which I do not and have never worn. Also, I have MS and mobility issues and what I wear works for me, I am very very busy.

I have smiled and been sort of evasive but now they are offering dates for my big "make over" and they are super excited. What can I say to firmly but politely tell them, thanks but no thanks.

OP posts:
CelesteCunningham · 30/06/2024 14:59

You sound very stylish. You could do a head tilt and offer to help them find natural fabrics for a higher value look Grin

tunainatin · 30/06/2024 14:59

You're a lot more patient than me, unsolicited advice on my appearance infuriates me. I get it alot, as like you I have a simple low key style I'm happy with. Why do they assume you want to look like them?
Anyway, could you say that you're happy with your style and really appreciate them being so kind but actually, it's not really something you'd enjoy. And maybe suggest an alternative fun activity?

Original poster
User1974 · 30/06/2024 15:03

Also I am 5 foot 1 and very petite - size 3 feet, but they are 5'9" and 5'10" so I think they see me as 'child like' despite me being older than either of them 😂

They do make me laugh tbh - I own and run a successful business with 80 employees, I've built it from scratch and created a new market sector - but all of them (DBs and SILs) see it as a hobby/pin money type thing and genuinely have no clue how well we do. Recently SIL was very shocked to see us mentioned in the National Press but immediately said "It's great how they seek out and promote little cottage businesses like this isn't it?" 😂

OP posts:
jackstini · 30/06/2024 15:03

"I choose what works best for me, any changes would not fit within my MS limitations"

Watch them get past that one without looking twattish

Your restaurant outfit sounds lovely btw!

Everleigh13 · 30/06/2024 15:03

If she is the type to take offense to anything then that’s not your problem. Just say something like “no thanks, I don’t want a makeover, I’m happy with how I look” and let the chips fall as they may. You can’t control how she reacts but there’s no way I’d be dragged to a makeover against my will!

StormingNorman · 30/06/2024 15:03

You two always look so lovely, I envy how well put together you are, but I’m honestly happy with how I am. I’ve been vaguely thinking about getting something done with my hair, what kind of highlights do you have?

Then swallow down the vom and smile nicely.

The question at the end has two benefits: you deflect back to them (which I suspect they love talking about) and they won’t be so invested in your makeover they want to be single white femaled. This might just get them to forget about it.

123ZYX · 30/06/2024 15:04

Next time they mention it just tell them that you feel offended that they keep suggesting that you need a makeover. Partly because they are being offensive and partly so you get in first with being offended

PifandHercule · 30/06/2024 15:04

Your SIL sounds like a bully, I am sorry you have to deal with that dynamic and feel under pressure to tread lightly. Good luck!

MikeRafone · 30/06/2024 15:04

1)No thank you, its not for me
2)One woman potion is another poison
3)Im not a doll and don't appreciate things like make overs
4)Im running out of non offensive ways of saying no

  1. off you fuck
viques · 30/06/2024 15:05

You could try

“ I thought of having a makeover, but then realised who I would end up looking like ( tinkly laugh and side eye) so decided against it.”

or

” I considered getting a makeover but then thought we ought to have at least one member of the family who looks like a human being not something recycled from waste plastic”

Breadcat24 · 30/06/2024 15:05

Could you turn this round and suggest that they are now upsetting you with their insistence that you need a makeover and then they could hardly claim to be offended.
something like:
Please could you stop suggesting that I go for a makeover. It is really starting to upset me that you evidently think I do not look right. Please can you not suggest this again it is a bit personal to criticize someone's taste in clothes so often.

And quite frankly if they push it after that they are really awful!!

123ZYX · 30/06/2024 15:05

123ZYX · 30/06/2024 15:04

Next time they mention it just tell them that you feel offended that they keep suggesting that you need a makeover. Partly because they are being offensive and partly so you get in first with being offended

Also, absolutely nothing along the lines of thanking them for suggesting it or anything like that. You don't want to give mixed messages that suggest you could be persuaded

Dontcallmescarface · 30/06/2024 15:06

Why should you be worried about offending either of them when they clearly don't give a fat rat's crack when it comes to offending you. As you've now had to decline 3 times I'd just go for the straight up approach " look you clearly haven't listened to what I have said 3 times now so this will be the last time....I don't want or need a makeover I'm happy as I am. Either you accept that and stop going on about it or you can fuck off. Your choice". Or something like that.

Breadcat24 · 30/06/2024 15:06

And as for wearing a badge on your birthday unless it says "I am 3 today" they can sod off

JurassicClark · 30/06/2024 15:06

"I know you mean it kindly and would enjoy making me over, but it's my idea of hell. I'm much happier as I am."

soupfiend · 30/06/2024 15:06

User1974 · 30/06/2024 15:03

Also I am 5 foot 1 and very petite - size 3 feet, but they are 5'9" and 5'10" so I think they see me as 'child like' despite me being older than either of them 😂

They do make me laugh tbh - I own and run a successful business with 80 employees, I've built it from scratch and created a new market sector - but all of them (DBs and SILs) see it as a hobby/pin money type thing and genuinely have no clue how well we do. Recently SIL was very shocked to see us mentioned in the National Press but immediately said "It's great how they seek out and promote little cottage businesses like this isn't it?" 😂

Oh my god they sound hilarious, I would really just see them through pitying and incredulous eyes to be honest.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 30/06/2024 15:07

Just had a conversation with a good friend (we are very different, definitely chalk and cheese but we get on) about our styles, not about changing them but why I love my clothing and dressing up at every opportunity (have my own style) and she loves hers (she is very into the Gudren Sjoden aesthic) and we came to the conclusion it suits our personalities and interests, it is very much what makes us us! I think I'd reply with 'not into playing dress up and I love the way I look and the way it makes me feel, so thank you for the offer but not something I take pleasure or see fun it, so not for me. However, if you want to meet up to visit the 'theatre' (substitute whatever brings you joy here) then I am up for us meeting up and spending time together'.

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 30/06/2024 15:07

"No. Thanks. Really." and change the subject. If they persist ("You'll love it! Thursday?") say, "It's not going to happen." and repeat ad nauseum.

You've been evasive. Now it's time to be firm.

Original poster
User1974 · 30/06/2024 15:08

soupfiend · 30/06/2024 15:06

Oh my god they sound hilarious, I would really just see them through pitying and incredulous eyes to be honest.

Show quote history

When I got a second hand car recently that was an upgrade on my last one they all asked incredulously "How did YOU afford THAT?" 😂😂😂😂

OP posts:
Itisal · 30/06/2024 15:10

They do sound like a lost cause and your politeness is not working. Could I suggest blank stare followed by change of topic even if it’s about the weather. However I guess they would then repeat so I think “….you know I love you don’t you….but I dislike your behaviour towards me.” Treat them like toddlers. I love you but do not like your bad behaviour right now.

Original poster
User1974 · 30/06/2024 15:10

Apparently wearing the same things again and again is also not ok, but I genuinely like my clothes MORE as they get older 😂They hold good memories.

OP posts:
CornishTiger · 30/06/2024 15:10

Just like I wouldn’t be so rude to book you in for Botox - please don’t assume i want booking in for a makeover.

AllyArty · 30/06/2024 15:11

In my experience you have to be firm with these sort of people. Be brave and get in first with a comment like ‘ before you start talking about this makeover again, I won’t be taking part. I’m happy with my dress style and I am sorry if I did not make it clearer to you from the start’ and smile. If she come back with any huffing and puffing just keep saying ‘thank you but no thanks’. Don’t let her treat you like that, does she not realise how insulting she is being?

CornishTiger · 30/06/2024 15:11

I know you like your projects but make me over is not one of them.

Original poster
User1974 · 30/06/2024 15:12

I have now replied
"Sorry I can do anything this month at all, I'm crazy busy. TBH the whole thing is just not me at all, just the thought of it stresses me out 😅
Can we take the girls out and get brunch one day instead?"

See how that does down

OP posts:
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