Are many people still homophobic ?

[whatisforteamum]

Twice now I've had jobs where it's come up in conversation where do your adult dcs live.
Around the month in point.Both times I've said where my DD lives and my ds who is gay lives with his partner.
Both times my colleagues have gone weird with me.
I live in a nice town and have worked in smaller villages.
Are people still homophobic or am I being paranoid.

This is absolutely so devastating and offensive and exactly the attitude a lot of people have about their offspring being gay. You possibly think you’re covered because two gay people have said to you they are unhappy being gay, so there we are, proof that you can say you don’t want your kids to be gay because life will be worse, your not homophobic though!

I don’t know what generation your dad is, there was a time when it was necessary to hide your sexuality for fear of going to prison and being ostracised, but there is a cut off point for that, you need to all stop being disappointed if your kids are gay, if future generations get this notion from you, they will be ashamed, hide their sexuality from you and their future wives will be on Mumsnet complaining because the man they love isn’t who he said he was, he’s gay and wasted both their lives.

This is why, when this thread was started, it was originally about wether people are still homophobic, and it’s little things like this attitude that are, we are not breaking the cycle, but of course as long as anyone who’s kids turn out to be gay can ‘muster’ support along side their disappointment, then that’s all fine I guess!

Mistermagnolia let's hope it isn't viewed as a harder life for much longer.
Why can'my ds adopt children like my parents did?
Ok my parents couldn't adopt the mixed race baby they fostered as it was deemed better she was raised by a black family which seemed bizarre in the 70s.
Times change and we need to catch up.
I'm so glad my son is gay and not homophobic.I would have trouble dealing with that attitude.

Well the joke at the Tavistock with the staff was there would soon be no gay kids left. The current trend for kids/teens to declare a trans or "non-binary" identity is all too often fuelled by homophobia in the family or around the child at school etc. Much homophobic bullying. There are plenty of detransitioners talking about it on YT etc.

Sadly the gender train is an all too effective form of conversion therapy for gay teens.

And the nhs, your bank & supermarket, the police, politicians, schools etc are all cheering it along thinking they are being "kind" & "progressive".

So yes homophobia is massive right now, though often it takes a different form these days.

I dont think it's homophobic to worry about your children.

I think the sad part is that their lives probably will be more difficult if they're gay. Thats what should change, not parents worrying for their kids future.

Yep - I’m bisexual and have dated both men and women. I made the active choice to look for a man to settle down with, because frankly I didn’t appreciate being on the receiving end of such a fucking tonne of homophobia when I was with a woman (from both friends of friends and randoms on the street - mostly men asking constantly and aggressively for threesomes, but also people yelling Lezza and throwing drinks. And this was in Brighton so lesbians were hardly a rarity).

Obviously I’m very lucky to have the option of choosing which sex to go out with, if you are gay you don’t have that option. But I can see how parents would think their children will face more discrimination and have a generally harder time of it if they are gay, without having any issue with them being gay. Because they probably will.

Yes, exactly that @Saschka

I won't hold hands with my partner in public or give any PDA because I cant be bothered with the potential hassle. She gets very "we have nothing to be ashamed of" about it, but I know fine well that if anybody started, it would fall to me to resolve as she's a lot smaller than I am.
If we were a heterosexual couple, there would be none of these concerns or persistent strategising to avoid abuse or worst case scenario - assault.

I think parents can completely accept their gay children, but it's not wrong for them to be concerned or want their kids to grow up to be and feel safe.
Being gay does (wrongly) reduce those odds.

@Verv insightful comment, thank you for sharing. I find myself frustrated as a straight woman hearing very homophobic comments and not being articulate enough in my response. And am conscious my life is a hell of a easier.

My late mother brought us to Pride, Ireland in the 80s & 90s, where I was annually mortified by my Uncle and his friends skating with massive Victoria Secrets angle style wings.

I look back now with fondness but I really didn't appreciate the privilege of being raised in a family where we saw everyone treated equally. I find it difficult to believe so many decades on that some teens aren't getting that same privilege.

Completely agree with @Verv and @Saschka

This from a Michael Sheen series is good…https://www.bbc.co.uk/sounds/brand/m0015n53?partner=uk.co.bbc&origin=share-mobile

No idea as I am not gay but I don't find a person's sexuality the most interesting thing about a person and am sick of hearing it mentioned it constantly when not relevant, some people fit it into every conversation

It is incredibly boring whether it is from the person themselves or from a friend or relative who thinks it give them some sort of loyalty card

I am perfectly happy if people think this is whatever label they want to stick on it

@whatisforteamum I believe your DS could adopt. I know a gay couple who adopted a little boy.

My sister is married to a woman and noone has ever been funny about it to me. It does come up in conversation as it's quite natural to say "my sister and sister in law" or "my sister and her wife". There will always be some homophobic people of course.

Some teachers were predators couple that with shy teens and being naked in a group was not a nice experience.
We weren't allowed to cover our genitals..
In the words of the teacher..we all had one.he got nicknames poofy Spence 70 s pe Scottish style.

Not to derail with teen school life.
I would like to think most of us don't care who other people have sex with.

@cookiebee youve projected the word “disappointed” on that poster when you could easily have gone with “worried”.

Im pretty sure one of my sons is gay. I’m entirely happy with this. We make sure to have same sex representation in our house (eg kids books with same sex parents), we talk about “if you get married one day, your husband or wife…”, etc. Not one tiny part of me would be disappointed. But yes I worry that his life might be harder if he is gay, because of all the homophobia that we know exists, not least because we’ve seen it evidenced on this thread!

My husband also had say to say this... before he married a person of colour.

Yes lots of homophobia around still.

It's always assumed I have a husband, as I am married. I've been " reassured" I don't look like lesbian. No matter how carefully I've explained how offensive this is, I don't seem to be able to get through.

I'm proud of the younger women I see more often these days holding hands. It's hard to be confident after the looks and comments over the years, although we occasionally do.

I've been asked questions about my sex life, which aren't asked to my straight counterparts.

It's definitely still a thing. All I want is for it to not be.

Religion or culture used as an excuse, still prevails. Rules made up by men primarily for control bizarrely blindly followed. Some "allowances " made , not enough.

I'm on holiday just not, and asking for a double bed. Are you sisters?

Nobody I know is being pressured into sleeping with trans women. I don't hate Pride, although I don't go. I just want to live my life.

In saying all that, I've spoken to a woman this week who has been with her partner for 27 years and in their country same sex marriage is illegal, so I am grateful progress has been made.

I think it confuses children when same sex couples have children.

there is a same sex couple in ds 7 class, and he came home to me and said such a child doesn’t have a father. She has 2 mums instead, he told me. I corrected him, told him it’s impossible for someone to be created without a father. 2 females can’t create a child without a male.

i explained to him that she will have a father, but it’s possible she’s never met him, and that only one of her mums is her proper mum, the one who’s tummy she came out of. I also explained that they can say she has two mums, but only one of them will be part of her. You get part of you from the father and part of you from the mum who’s tummy you were created in.

im not having my children believe that people have 2 actual mums who have created them.

my other child age 11 came home from school saying you could take medication to make you change sex.

again she was corrected on this, told you can take medication that will make you look male, and have operations that remove your female parts and male parts created, but internally you will never change sex. People are changing what they look like on the outside, but they can’t change who they really are on the inside, which is the sex they were born as.

ive no problem with the LQBTQ people, just as long as they don’t bring children up believing impossible things.

@TheHeadOfTheHouse well yes technically. But surely the point of these stories is to create ways of making your child comfortable with something a bit out of the norm. So the child with 2 mums can be comfortable and happy explaining that 2 other kids.rather than having to say
, and that only one of her mums is her proper mum, the one who’s tummy she came out of. I also explained that they can say she has two mums, but only one of them will be part of her. You get part of you from the father and part of you from the mum whose tummy you were created in.

im not having my children believe that people have 2 actual mums who have created them.

so I’m kind of hoping you had a further follow up to that so some little kid who might already be feeling a bit the oddoneoutisnt left explaining which mum is her real mum….

That’s nothing to do with me what they have chosen to tell their child.

all that matters to me is that my children know what is correct and what isn’t.

there is a child that goes to a neighbouring school who’s being brought up as “non binary” 🙄

just because a child has been told they aren’t male or female, that doesn’t mean my child isn’t corrected on this to save the other child’s feelings as they’ve been told a load of rubbish by their parents.

if someone tells their child that 2 mums or two dads have created them, it’s not for other parents to not correct their own child in order for that child to not find out that what they have been told is a lie

@TheHeadOfTheHouse I think you could word this in a kinder way. You can discuss the biological reality of creating children without invalidating that family's experience of two mothers raising a child.

@TheHeadOfTheHouse you have a very narrow view of what it means to be a parent. The coming together of sperm and egg is one short second of an entire childhood. What matters is the nurturing, the teaching, the instilling of values, the modelling of responsibility - and that means that two mums or two dads can be every bit as 'real' as an opposite sex set of parents.

Your thinking leads to the logical conclusion that IVF children don't have two 'real' parents either, if a donor of any kind was involved...

@OnceICaughtACold yes your right, and I completely apologise for projecting, I’m not spoiling for a fight. The poster was saying that ‘they wouldn’t want their child to be gay, especially when it comes to having a family of their own’, the reason I’ve seen lots of disappointment around this particular idea, is that at the heart of it people want what’s ’normal’ and they are disappointed when they don’t get grandchildren for example, I again apologise.

Thing is there was a bisexual poster after who said they were actively looking to date a man because life will be easier, again sorry if I’m twisting things, but that’s just an example of letting assholes with sourpuss ‘I want to spoil it for everyone because I’m a bigot’ attitudes win. Love and what makes us happy should win, and we should all just loudly SHHHHSH any shit opinions that outsiders have about who we date (I wish that poster every happiness by the way in whatever route life takes them). It’s actually fairly funny how many bigoted straight people actually are really covering for their own sexuality and confusion.

lots of people take the easy way out when it comes to love, you all would have seen or heard of so many who don’t forge ahead with who they love because of religious or racial boundaries, they stick to their own kind so they don’t WORRY their families. White with white, South Asian with South Asian, black with black and of course all in male/female couples, it stops the worry, appeases bigots and keeps the world turning and tradition alive.

Im probably projecting, I would have liked children of my very own, but am not in a traditional couple, but a happy one of twenty two years, we do have to quieten violent opinions and stand together, but if it’s easier for many not too, that’s ok as well, life’s hard enough I guess.