Are many people still homophobic ?

[whatisforteamum]

Twice now I've had jobs where it's come up in conversation where do your adult dcs live.
Around the month in point.Both times I've said where my DD lives and my ds who is gay lives with his partner.
Both times my colleagues have gone weird with me.
I live in a nice town and have worked in smaller villages.
Are people still homophobic or am I being paranoid.

Thank you have worded it a lot better than me.

That isn’t what I asked. What do you think I should answer if a colleague for example asks “who do you live with”?

You would say you live with your husband or your wife you wouldn't say I live with my gay partner.

So if you didn't say he is gay in your reply to them how could they have been homophobic?

Than you answer with husband/wife/family/partner whatever the heck you like.
If you were to introduce your child and say oh my son lives with his partner/husband/wife in X town that's also perfectly fine. However saying my son is gay and lives with his partner in X town is weird in my opinion and I'd probably look at you funny. I think it's very weird to point out someone's sexuality like they're some kind of rare breed.

A couple of people have asked but OP hasn't answered.
There's also two things here- the reason for the looks is obviously the wording.
And it's bizarre to think a parent who's son is gay feels the need to ask online if homophobia still exists :S (spoiler, yes it does)

Yet in your first post you clearly said showing that you/someone is gay is drawing attention to it and a bad thing. Which doesn’t at all tally with the above response.

I didn't say my ds is gay.
I said his partners name.
Same as I said my daughter's partner's name.

Gay people just want to exist in the same way heterosexual people have always been able to, so it’s not weird to add that someone lives with their same sex partner, the response to that now should be something like ‘nice, what’s their house like, or how long have they been together?’, not grimacing and clutching their pearls, which I bet your life still happens, maybe not like 20 years ago, but it does.

there are extrovert and militant people in all walks of life that get on everyone’s tits and take things too far, but the majority of gay and lesbian guys and gals just want to have a life denied them for so long because of homophobia. It is true, many still don’t want them to have the protection marriage brings to a couple because of traditions in marriage that have long since been forgotten by straight couples, or to be able just to live together without someone saying ‘well I don’t mind what goes on behind closed doors, I just don’t want it in all our faces’, il tell you what goes on in many gay people’s homes, hoovering, washing, watching tv, like everyone else.

A friends mum once said to one of her sons ‘I wouldn’t mind if you were gay, but I’m glad your not!’ And that one sentence there shows what most still think about having gay offspring, that’s what is generally delt with by gay people, low key disappointment that they are not normal, it’s still there, so if someone wants to share that their child is with someone of the same sex that’s great, but some comments on here are already showing that people are uncomfortable about it still.

The bad thing is the actual words. Emphasising they are gay.
Imagine you introduced your child to someone as this is Jane she is straight and lives with her husband Vs this is Jane she lives with her husband. That's the difference.

You have taken what I said completely the wrong way as previous op said it's more about pointing it out as if it's a rare breed thing when in actual fact it's not, it's pretty much normal these days.

Thank you glad someone got what I was trying to say.

Than how would them looking at you funny mean they're being homophobic if you didn't say he's gay? You can't be homophobic towards someone you don't even know is gay.

I"m 40. Lived in several different counties. Have gay family, and gay friends. It's never been a "thing" PERSONALLY where people "get weird" with me. But that's me. I am fully aware it can be very different dependent on where you live. My little sis for example is a lesbian and lived in Brighton for a while, it's SUPER rainbow there and she and her female gf were villified for only liking women, for example. The line given them was "that;s transphobic!". I mean..it;s insane. But there's a lot of homophobia these days.

OP I think it's a terrible shame that you're not close enough to your son and his partner, to know that of course many people are still homophobic and that it will definitely affect them all too often.

Ask him and his DP (if you can) whether people are still homophobic and just see the look on their faces, as they try to work out if you're being serious.

Yes you can, anyone who uses gay as an insult are being homophobic, people who call male dancers gay are homophobically abusing them, just a few examples of many. Shaun Mendez had to come out as straight as so many people were homophobically abusing him.

Lots of brown people are called P**i’s when they aren’t Pakistani, would you say they’re not being racist if they don’t even know if the person is pakistani or not?

Presumably OP said something like.

‘My son lives with his partner, Oliver, just outside of Manchester.

Cookiebee thank you for summing that up nicely.
I didn't realise attitudes were still so outdated.
My ds doesn't like to discuss other people's attitudes.
I did ask them if they could hold hands in public and they don't which I think is a shame.

It's rife in this country, OP.
I have personally witnessed the atmosphere in a room change when someone asked a colleague if they were seeing someone and they said 'not at the moment, I was seeing someone but we broke up a few weeks ago because she moved away'.
People either feel like you should have TOLD them directly, or that ANY mention of a same sex partner is 'bringing it up unnessecarily'.
I, like a PP have witnessed people who would swear they aren't homophonic, openly being nasty over certain types of gay men and women, because 'they don't get it - if you're a lesbian why are you attracted to women who look like men' (and if I turned around and said 'well, you're married to a man who looks like a slug rolled around in a hairdressers' I would be the offensive one)
Never mind if you are bisexual, OH BOY. You just have to read the threads on here to see that most people think of us as disease ridden, cheating, manipulative, promiscuous, awful people who are just lying and are actually gay anyway.

Yes my son was in Lakeside and some bald headed idiot, you know the type, walked past and called him a faggot. I wouldn't mind but he's not gay. He just laughed and called him an idiot

well, you're married to a man who looks like a slug rolled around in a hairdressers

I love this!

When I have homophobic straight men say “do you fancy me” I always reply “oh I’m only attracted to masculine men” their teeny tiny little egos generally can’t cope with that.

I did ask them if they could hold hands in public and they don't which I think is a shame.

And what did you think the reason for that was?

Why on earth shouldn't gay couples be allowed to adopt?

Yes, lots of people are still homophobic, openly or in subtler ways. It's sad but true.
Religion and/or ignorance are largely to blame.