What do you think of my trans child?

[ANAMEF0RATHREAD]

Asking in chat to get a slightly balanced view perhaps.

I'm concerned that my dd now says she is a boy, she's 19.

I used to think that they would be okay but with the politics turning the other way I worry for them so much.
Will they still make friends? will they lose out on jobs? Will they get mocked etc

I am gender critical I guess, in that I don't believe people can change sex but I'm pretty okay with people expressing themself how they want to, but this is my child

Please tell me what you think, I've heard what FWR say, 'they think they're so special, blue hair brigade, naval gazers' etc

I’d think you can’t change your biological sex.

Bur that you should be free to live in your chosen gender without people harassing you for it.

If this is a genuine thread, then I don’t think it will help you. No one has met your DC, so nothing anyone says here will help you, as no none can or should judge an individual when they know absolutely nothing about them as a person.

Are you concerned she has underlying issues and the trans identity is what she has latched onto in response to that?

If so, I’d be concerned about that, and that the trans identity won’t deal with the underlying issues but will just add another on top, especially if she goes down the medical transition route.

My child is autistic. I suppose that is the underlying issue.
My concern is the hate that they will get, they are oblivious to this I think

The hate because I've spent a lot of time on mn over the years but also now that politics is changing around this I feel like it will be acceptable to mock them

Gosh I wouldn't dream of starting a thread to ask what others 'think of my child'. This is...misguided at best. I'd try and get it removed tbh.

I knew before I read it that your daughter is autistic…there needs to be a lot of research into autistic people and people who have suffered trauma, having issues with their sex

I would try and encourage watchful waiting. Most children desist if there isn’t a social transition- if she’s autistic then she’s probably latched onto it as a bit of a fixation. Encourage other stuff, don’t put any attention or energy on to it.
I’d think she should be free to express her self however she wants but that doesn’t make her male.
I would assume there were underlying MH issues yes.

Mocking is not acceptable.

I would support their wish to dress as they like, in no way believe that they were male, not use he/him pronouns but that is sort of irrelevant given I'd only use pronouns if they weren't there, I'd just use the chosen name, and seriously be concerned about why they felt this way and their mental health.

But I'd keep that to myself.

Please tell me what you think, I've heard what FWR say, 'they think they're so special, blue hair brigade, naval gazers' etc

To be fair OP, this could apply to any teenager really - they often think they are right about everything etc. If you're asking will people accept your child the answer is that most people will.

I would call myself gender critical and am on the FWR board but would never openly mock or harass someone because of it. How people talk on a chat forum is not necessarily how they talk to people in real life.

I simply don't want the laws to change the legal definition of woman, and would like young children, who may be in distress, to be given therapy instead of surgery and hormones.

I'd think that it won't stop your child being Autistic and, if the appeal of it is that it might answer their feelings about the position/expectations of society/reactions of others when they are Neurodiverse, your child is going to be disappointed. It's not any easier being an Autistic Boy or Man - if anything, it can be harder due to the way neurodiverse males are seen as being 'creepy' and 'weird' by the same people who are already making your child's life difficult and uncomfortable.

My eldest is at secondary school. There are people in his friendship groups that are openly gay and people that present as a different gender. I don't think he gives these differences any thought.

I think youngsters today have grown up very comfortable with and accepting of difference and diversity.

All you can do is support your child the best you can.

MN attracts lots of people who are likely to have a negative opinion. My trans friends live normal lives, going to work, hanging out with their family and friends, volunteering, doing hobbies etc. Sometimes people are horrible to them, but people in real life are much less rude and aggressive than people online, and they get to spend most of their with people who don't have a problem with how they live their lives. I think they would all say that they are happier being out as trans, even facing prejudice and disapproval, than they were before they came out.

I don't think anyone should judge her if she chooses to have a barber cut, wear no make up, or wear clothes from the men's department. I do these things myself, as do many women. Nor judge her for having interests, hobbies, or employment more commonly associated with boys and men. Nor for the name she chooses.

She would be unreasonable if she expected anyone to pretend she was a man.

Ah, then I would be worried. Young people with autism are massively over represented in those presenting at GIDS. As are other vulnerable children, such as those in care.

Despite your views of FWR, they are likely to be able to point you in the direction of sources that can help you navigate this with your daughter.

I don't think that trans people are hated on an individual level. It is simply that trans people are not the only group of people with the right to have their needs met and trans people's needs should not be met by disregarding the needs of other groups. Saying that there must be balance and compromise and everyone matters isn't hate.

I think your child will find that in their day to day life the vast majority of people will be polite, will use their chosen name and preferred pronouns and your child should extend the same courtesy (which may mean not using 'cis' if it is not welcomed).

There will always be some who will choose to be rude and that's life I'm afraid.

I think Alexis Blake has a great attitude towards being trans and understanding of all the issues and is worth watching. I don't agree with her on everything but she is imo balanced and reasonable and well worth listening to.

I live opposite a family where their (autistic) 21 yo daughter identifies as a gay male...I don't see them as anything other than female (they haven't had surgery) but I respect their right to express themselves how they feel and call them their new name etc

I'm GC, but not disrespectful; I don't hate anyone, wouldn't mock or belittle anyone - but as a PP said, I don't want laws rewritten on the basis of a person's nebulous feeling, rather than scientific fact. I don't think people should be discriminated against, but I would feel sad for the young person that their life is probably going to be harder as an autistic trans person, than as an autistic gay (or straight!) person.

This is always my first question too and I have yet to meet a single young woman who is trans without also being autistic.

Young autistic men and women have been horrifyingly failed by the people pushing this ideology. Utterly failed in every way.

I wouldn’t mock them at all, and I would just wonder in passing what the underlying issue was - abuse, trauma, autism.
it may make me cautious if I was eg employing them - simply because a young person in the grip of mental illness is very vulnerable.

I'd be concerned for the young person. This is effectively a cult they have been sucked into. I wouldn't think negatively of them for expressing themselves how they want. Back in the 80s that was just "personality".

I’d feel sorry for your child. Autistic people are really vulnerable to gender ideology, a disproportionate amount of young people identifying as trans are ND.

Obviously your child shouldn’t be mocked and the law should protect them in terms of employment. As long as your child uses the correct spaces based on sex, then it’s not my business. I’d hope that your child had support and realised that gender is nonsense at some point in the future.

In terms of friendships, being honest, I would, and have, avoided trans people previously. Our views won’t align. I just can’t be arsed to spend my time on it. My opinion is that gender is nonsense, it’s harmful and it’s often homophobic. I know lots of people who feel similarly. I just don’t have the headspace for it.

Does she truly understand what her life will be like if she completes transition, the risky irreversible surgeries, life long medication etc . I don't think of lot of young people really do comprehend but they pretend to because they want to fit in.

I would give a wide birth because I wouldn't want to risk offending by not being up on current terminology

I'd worry that people who would have accepted your child for what they are,are now being called 'woke'. I'd worry that there is more transphobia now and it's more acceptable for some people to abuse and ridicule trans people.

I think it is unlikely that anyone will hate your daughter. It sounds like she is a vulnerable young girl who has been drawn into the trans cult. I really feel for her and you.
The only trans people I have ever heard being mocked are men who insist they are women and can come into women's safe spaces often dressed in highly sexualised outfits so clearly getting off on a public fetish display.
This is not your daughter at all.