What do you think of my trans child?

[ANAMEF0RATHREAD]

Asking in chat to get a slightly balanced view perhaps.

I'm concerned that my dd now says she is a boy, she's 19.

I used to think that they would be okay but with the politics turning the other way I worry for them so much.
Will they still make friends? will they lose out on jobs? Will they get mocked etc

I am gender critical I guess, in that I don't believe people can change sex but I'm pretty okay with people expressing themself how they want to, but this is my child

Please tell me what you think, I've heard what FWR say, 'they think they're so special, blue hair brigade, naval gazers' etc

I think female to male have less of an issue than male to female so they'll probably be ok.

I wouldn't judge that.

I do judge when males identify as female and invade our safe spaces.

As a parent I'd be more concerned that there were deeper issues.

I just find it all really boring. A person's gender is not interesting, it doesn't determine their personality. Sometimes it feels like trans people are fascinated by gender, I don't get it.

I think female to male have less of an issue than male to female so they'll probably be ok

I don’t know really. I have seen really videos from trans men, who have taken hormones and do absolutely visually pass as men, saying they can’t make male friends. Presumably because they aren’t able to pass socially and behaviourally in the way they can visually. And even though other men, even though they don’t know they are female, they also aren’t to relate to them in they way they can with biological men. But they also aren’t relating to them as women.

In some ways I think this may be easier for TW who don’t pass, as everyone knows who they are and how to relate to them.

Just been out and someone has just started talking about this to me out of the blue not knowing my history...

...was interesting.

It was unprompted. They didn't know how I would respond.

People are DEFINITELY getting more vocal and braver about the subject. Its been something in my life for years and its been harder in the past to have conversations about it at times.

The point is it my experienced very measured and always expresses concern for trans people themselves in a genuine way. But there are concerns about many many things.

A while ago a read an article about the disproportionate number of ftm trans children in Blackpool. Some of these children had been abused and becoming trans was a way to escape from the trauma.

So my assumption on meeting a trans boy/man is first are they autistic and then I wonder if they are trying to run away from their body because they’ve been abused.

Before you said that she's autistic, I was going to say that I would consider that she is likely autistic and trying to find an explanation for why she feels so different to her peers. I'm autistic and I know I'm different and it feels really uncomfortable a lot of the time.

I feel compassion towards most people and I wouldn't go out of my way to change someone's mind but I consider cross sex hormones dangerous and I've been mired in the horrendous pain of unexplained infertility and I wouldn't want to see a generation of girls inflict that upon themselves so I might try to model a different way of thinking based on a lot more life experience than she has.

I disagree.

The issues are different.

The Cass Review made the point that rather than trans people being a homogenus group they recognised there it was a heterogenus group who have multiple complex needs.

One of the key issues for Female to Male transitioners that can not be over looked is that bulk of past research is solely for male transitioners. There is substantially less for female transitioners.

What is starting to come out, is that the drugs and surgery for females may have particulars widespread and complex side effects which may - particularly in time - negate any psychological benefits that social transition may bring.

But we don't know. Because the research is particularly lacking.

This means we are saying that we should be accepting and its in the best interest of that person. Yet we don't know if thats the case. Nor is it possible for young females to truly make informed decisions in this context.

This matters.

In addition there are issues about whether there are other issues that are common with female transitioners which are significant and shouldn't be overlooked.

I have seen really videos from trans men, who have taken hormones and do absolutely visually pass as men, saying they can’t make male friends

It’s so sad. Girls who think they are boys, or women who think they are men, do so from a position of not having a clue about men, how they think, how they feel, their embodied selves - anything at all.
No wonder they have difficulties.

OP, I am gender critical. I think a lot of trans teens will change their minds by age 30 and possibly regret any extreme medical interference.

But then again...I know several trans teens (all female to male) and a few adult trans (all male to female) and they are just people! They are not defined by their gender ideology, even if a couple of the teens bang on about it a bit much. But all teens have self-righteous beliefs. It's a phase.

DS dates a trans man who I adore. You couldn't meet a sweeter, kinder, funnier person. Their individuality as a person is what matters, not their gender identification. I wouldn't dream of telling them I am GC because they might see that as a judgement on them and it isn't. Concern for someone is not the same as phobia, hatred or judgement but I'm not sure they'd recognise this, given the transactivist stance on GC. I must confess I worry for them that as they get older they'll wish they hadn't cut off their breasts (double masectomy, aged 19!) or they will get sick of having to take medication for the rest of their life, just to have a light smattering of facial hair.

If I met your DD, OP, I would be interested in them as a person. Who they are, what they do, what their dreams and beliefs are in the wider world beyond their trans identity.

Autism and the desire to be the opposite gender go hand in hand.

I have a relative in this situation. They have had no hate behaviours from others. I think you should not sorry about it.

I know a ftm trans teenager of a similar age. My primary feeling is that I worry that this won't be a permanent change for them but that they might have caused themselves physical damage by chest binding etc. which, for example, might affect breastfeeding their baby later on. It's not a harmless teen phase when hormones are being taken and physical prevention of development is in place.

I don't feel negatively towards them but I suppose my concern shows that I'm not thoroughly convinced that it's 100% genuine.

I know a couple of much older adults who transitioned male to female before I know them. I 100% consider them to be women and I respect their choice and the process they've been through at a time when it was much harder to do so.

I worry that some teens who are choosing to transition after only a couple of years in their teenage body are causing harm to themselves but also undermining the people who definitely wouldn't have transitioned on any sort of whim.

No one should be mocking anyone. How your child chooses to live is entirely their business

im guessing you've got a lot of hate on this post... your child now says he is a boy, and therefore he is a boy.

ideally you need to support your son, talk to him, ask him what he needs? your choice of words are worrying.

I think you should read the replies rather than assuming there is lots of hate.

Rather than guessing maybe have a read?
I don't see any hate, which probably doesn't suit the agenda of some MN users

Your choice of words is worrying! 😂 You do know the OP is gender critical so they're not signed up to your branch of the flat earth society.

To the OP, yeah maybe it will be harder for her, given all the evidence coming out from Cass, employers are dropping pronouns etc, backlash of Pride month. Maybe that's what they want though - they are a teen / young adult nonetheless and we were once like that too.

I'd only be concerned about her getting hormones etc off the internet - but maybe she won't go there. It's tough because she is an adult now & can do how she pleases. I know girls identify as trans for different reasons to males, I'd want my daughter to know that she isn't any less of a woman for not fitting in, or feeling weird.

LOL.
If I say I'm a giraffe, I'm a giraffe, right?

You’re guessing wrong, then.

why she can't be the person she wants to be without saying she's a boy

i think that’s a tragedy @ANAMEF0RATHREAD and must be very difficult for you. And so so sad for her.

it’s partly because there’s so much sex-based stereotyping about nowadays - girls are all pink glitter and boys are all football and cage fighting.

I remember as a child in the 60s and 70s there was a huge push for toys just to be toys and clothes just to be clothes. And that girls could do anything

your child now says he is a boy, and therefore he is a boy.

Oh this is so vapid and pointless - as well as outright harmful.

As you also seem to want to know "what do you think of my parenting" - I also have sympathy for parents who were lied to by Stonewall and Mermaids and by some doctors. I dont have any sympathy for the type of parent who takes their child abroad to be castrated or who promotes gender ideology to other families.

Would you support your child to put their hand in a flame, to starve themself, to stay with an abusive partner? I see it as a parenting failure if you pay for surgery for your child or for drugs because then you are supporting your child harming themself. You can tell your child you will always love them and be there to help them without encouraging them to harm themself.

I think it needs to be understood the vast majority of parents of trans kids are supportive, but also not rushing out to get the medical intervention or to start every sentence with 'As the parent of a trans child....' I don't think on the whole that even the most supportive parent isn't worried about medical intervention and it's not something parents will agree to unless they feel incredibly sure it is in their child's best interests.

But the experience of all the trans parents I know (being in woke North London and having a non-binary child I know about a dozen) is that the kids aren't interested in medicalisation nor are they attention seeking - it is really not a big deal to them and their peers. Three of those dozen have had a change of heart as they got older and are no longer identifying as trans or non binary after 2-5 years of doing so. We're in a period of learning about this and I think ultimately we will learn some valuable lessons about sex and gender that I think will be a positive thing going forward.

Generally speaking the more aggressive / "anti trans" messages on MN are aimed at transwomen not transmen. Transmen don't tend to affect women's rights or safety.

When I see transmen out and about I feel very sorry for them and wonder how long it will take before they realise that they can't actually change most of the issues they will always face as being perceived as and actually being a woman - by growing wispy facial hair and cutting their hair short.

I'd look at getting your child as much help as possible to cope with the world as they are rather than trying to change who they are to fit in as that ultimately is likely to fail

the OP's statement says her child now identifies as male... yet you are all still referring to said person as she/her.. they want to be he/him... so should be addressed properly

No, posters don’t have to be complicit in other people’s delusions. This ideology is harmful to people and going along with gender pronouns forms part of that harm.