What age to insist reluctant child learns to swim?

[Upminster12]

DD has just turned 5, end of Reception. She hates going in swimming pools. I took her as a baby but then COVID happened and by the time we could go back she was 2 and she had such a strong aversion it was basically a phobia. I spent a long time sitting her on the edge of a pool, dangling her legs in then working up to her going in the pool with me carrying her all the time. Gradually things have improved and she will go in but she always wants me close, holding her hand etc.

I want her to learn to swim, it doesn't have to be right now but I'm wondering if there is any point leaving it much longer or whether I should "force" her to take lessons. She REALLY doesn't want to and I can forsee tantrums. But I don't know what else I can do myself, I'm an average swimmer not confident to teach her. I was quoted £60 per hour for individual lessons which is out of the question for me. There are leisure centre classes available locally but I'm worried it will be a disaster. What's the way forward here?

It's part of the curriculum in y4 usually. Can you do family fun swims with arm bands etc for a while?

You take her regularly until she is confident enough for lessons.

They are supposed to be able to do 25m before end of Yr6... its not Yr4 in a lot of areas (it was Yr5 for DD2, DD1 never went with school)

An hour lesson is way too long.

Are there any fun pools near you? The kind with a few small slides, waves and pool with graduated entry? Ideally she needs to spend lots of time playing in a pool which is well within her depth so she doesn’t need to worry or think about swimming.

Maybe it is worth doing a trial lesson just to see? Children surprise us sometimes. One of the swim schools around here offers a free trial session.

If she hates it though/won't go in the water full stop (it happens) then I'd just try and take her yourself for leisure swims now and then at local pool and on holiday, but park 'learning to swim' for awhile. Maybe try again in a year for example, she's still very small. My eldest is about to turn 6 and has been going to lessons for ages but they learn very slowly when they're that little and although she can swim, not very well/far. I half think we should have just left it until she was a couple of years older tbh and saved some money on the lessons.

We waited a bit longer as my DS wasn't happy with lessons, although he loved paddling about in the shallow end for fun and on hokidays. He ended up being about 9 when he finally went through the levels and made really quick progress as he was physically so much stronger and coordinated than at 5. If you force it when she's not ready you could end up spending more money on lessons over a lomger period and making swimming into a chore, when it should be enjoyed.

Do any of her friends enjoy swimming? You could take her to splash about with one of them until she loses her fear and build up from there. There’s no rush.

Not what you want to hear but I had to get individual lessons with a teacher who was good with water fear for ds. It only took a handful of sessions for him to get over his phobia and then we switched to group lessons. Have you asked around different places for different prices?

I do think that the longer you leave it the more entrenched she will get though. Sorry.

Some pretty good advice here - https://www.hubbardswim.com/blog/post/helping-your-anxious-child-conquer-hesitations-about-swim-lessons

One of the things it mentions it seeing if there's a possibility to meet the teacher outside of the pool beforehand so she knows them a little, and they might be able to allay her fears a bit by explaining what will happen in the lessons before she gets in the water.

When I went to swimming lessons while in primary school, what put me off was the cold water. While others jumped in, I put my foot in and retreated! It wasn’t until I was 24 and in a warm pool that I learnt. I’m sure your little one will learn well before that!

Just keep going with her. maybe twice a week and gradually hold her/ be next to her less and less. 5 is a little old not to swim but better she takes longer in this instance to gain confidence. so maybe worry a little less about age in your circumstances

I have a daughter the same age (she turns 5 next month) and we just go to the pool to have fun. We play and splash etc and then do a little bit of 'swimming' with a pool noodle and he swimming towards me. Jumping in the pool and catching her etc.
I'm going to look into swimming in the next year or so.

DD is 9 and can’t swim a stroke. She’s horribly unconfident. I’ve tried group lessons twice at great expense. Both times the groups were so busy DD actually got very little time with the instructor. If they asked her to do something and she didn’t want to they’d just move on to the next kid in line. I think I’m going to have to cough up for 1-1 tuition to get over this hump. She’s really bothered that all her friends can swim and she can’t

Swimming is on the national curriculum for primary but different schools take the children in different year groups. Find out when your school does it and use this to help you make a plan. Theoretically all children will be catered for but in my experience it's very unusual for a child to start school swimming lessons as a total novice.

The problem is I've been taking her regularly since she was 3, she will go in but she absolutely hates it. Perhaps I could leave it a bit longer if yr4/6 are the targets.

*she swims towards me

I wouldn't leave it that long. Almost all the kids will be able to swim by year 4. Pool parties start from 8. I'd aim for 8 to have her swimming personally. Is it too noisy? Too cold? Could you try a different pool? Ideally a beach entry type pool where she can control her depth.

I found the holiday crash courses were good - where they have a lesson every day for a week. It builds up
their confidence quickly and some courses we found had only a few children . I remember some courses were 1:2 children only . Also find a pool with warm water .

If she hates it, she won't learn. Just become more scared and reluctant.

My two lads, one threw himself in pool at 3 and doggy paddled across first time Other refused to enter, much sitting on the side. Gave up. Once it was part of school and his mates were watching, all of a sudden started trying and quickly succeeded.

Our school doesn't do swimming at all unfortunately.

Are there any fun pools near you? So no pressure to swim but just get used to having fun in the water. Then progress to floating with you holding her underneath her back or her stomach. She might then start doing a few kicks with her legs etc and that might be enough to give her confidence to start lessons. My daughter who is 7 is not keen on her swimming lessons but it is the one extra curricular which is non negotiable as it is such an important life skill.

DD is 8 and had a similar experience only at an older age, she'd just started lessons at 4 and COVID hit.
Thankfully the school has a portable swimming pool installed for the next two weeks so she's getting 10 hours of swimming lessons for free! And as it's with lots of other children she came home yesterday super excited and happy at getting another chance.
If this arrangement hasn't happened we had discussed starting lessons in the summer holidays, it's £8 for a lesson here and there's a choice of venues but in school with her friends is much better.

This is what worries me and is my hunch too. Thinking I'll persist with taking her for a bit on my own, maybe until I can reason with her a bit more.

Agree with pp - it took individual lessons for us, and once they got over their fear, they learned very quickly

Would it be feasible to take her to the seaside and run and splash in the shallow waves? The best fun is when they run in their normal play clothes (with a change of clothes ready!).

How is she with bath time, showers and water play?

I'd be tempted to let her get wet and splashy with paddling pools, water balloons, slip and slides and water pistols - so she gets used to the cold shock sensations in a fun way - getting her to blow bubbles, dunk her head underwater are all parts of swimming that don't require a large funny smelling, echoing pool.