What age to insist reluctant child learns to swim?

[Upminster12]

DD has just turned 5, end of Reception. She hates going in swimming pools. I took her as a baby but then COVID happened and by the time we could go back she was 2 and she had such a strong aversion it was basically a phobia. I spent a long time sitting her on the edge of a pool, dangling her legs in then working up to her going in the pool with me carrying her all the time. Gradually things have improved and she will go in but she always wants me close, holding her hand etc.

I want her to learn to swim, it doesn't have to be right now but I'm wondering if there is any point leaving it much longer or whether I should "force" her to take lessons. She REALLY doesn't want to and I can forsee tantrums. But I don't know what else I can do myself, I'm an average swimmer not confident to teach her. I was quoted £60 per hour for individual lessons which is out of the question for me. There are leisure centre classes available locally but I'm worried it will be a disaster. What's the way forward here?

I think you have to either do it when they're tiny or wait until they want to. Forcing a scared child into something that's not necessary right now isn't going to go well. While they're young they're not going to be unsupervised near water so the risk of not swimming is minimal.

My daughter found the whole swimming pool environment overwhelming and scary. She decided at about 6/7 that she wanted to learn. She found it really hard but with a lovely patient teacher at a small pool has got there and now really enjoys her lessons.

Yes, and she may decide she has zero desire to swim anywhere, ever - I was that child and I hated being in the water, regardless of who else was. Having impatient swimming instructors didn't help. I'm 60 and can't swim or even float, and I've never wanted to. It probably makes me unAustralian.

Being able to confidently navigate water is a life skill, not necessarily being a strong swimmer, but water safety is hugely important. Particularly if you like to go on holiday, visit lakes, rivers etc. getting into difficulty in water is scary even for a swimmer but a non swimmer with no water safety training (which swimming lessons offer) has no chance of survival.

We live on an island with lots of water in between, it is unlikely that someone can avoid water forever, particularly in this day and age.

An extremely useless comment!

Why is it a useless comment? This whole thread is full of people assuming that learning to swim is important. But actually, is it? I don't think so. I can swim, but don't, for a decade or so at a time. And as I said, almost all drowning victims are swimmers. So the idea that learning to swim saves you from drowning is false as well

I agree. I live in Australia, where the whole fankly tedious beach culture thing was huge when I was growing up, and was pestered to learn to swim and forced into swimming lessons. I still can't swim and don't want to, or see the need. I have no desire to go to the beach in summer or a pool at any time.

I was envisaging rock climbing outside, in the mountains (hills)!

We had a climbing wall in our local shopping centre, it's really not very high (still there but closed now). I also don't think many children are scared of heights - that is something that comes with age (or did in my case!)

@parkrun500club over the years I've seen several of my Cub Scouts not come to climbing activities as they are scared of heights. And some who don't come to water activities as they dislike the water and cannot swim. My own Goddaughter is absolutely terrified of climbing walls, high ropes courses, high obstacle courses.. even some climbing frames!

Well if you don't plan to ever take your child to a pool, here or on holiday, don't visit anywhere with water and never plan to then I agree, don't force the issue. However, for the vast majority this isn't the case.

My children needed to learn to swim as their dad does water based activities regularly, as do I and it is important that they are confident and safe.

I know what you mean, but there are many occasions where being able to swim could save a life, so I would say it’s an essential skill. .

You'd have to be a strong, skilled, confident swimmer to be able to save someone from drowning, though, wouldn't you? Would a child who's scared of being in water and hates it be likely to develop into such a swimmer as an adult? (Thinking about my own past, no way would I have developed into such a swimmer even if the horrible lessons had succeeded.)

Yes you need to force it! But nicely. Go regularly for 10/15 minutes at a time if that’s all you can twice a week (can you coincide with hair wash days?)
make it habit to build confidence just being in the water. In time she’ll start to move.

you don’t have to aspire to reach competition standard, but my concern has always been what if they fall in somewhere! Kids (& adults) drown in shallow water because they panic, just make sure she has the confidence not to. Get a ball (that floats)and play catch or something so she’s moving about and not clinging to you. You can gradually get further away and into slightly deep water together.

the ability to swim 25-50m opens up all sorts of other available water activities (with a buoyancy aid), which are loads of fun, but do need a bit of water confidence.

I think learning to swim is a bit like learning to cross the road ! You’ve got to do it, for their own safety, and don’t let them go alone till they’re ready! … but start talking about an awareness of the dangers and practicing being in the environment.

She is still very young. I wouldn’t fret about it just yet. She needs lots more time just going into a shallow pool with things to play with/on, all very relaxed. Preferably a pool
she can walk into herself with a sloped entry and she can even play on the edge with barely any water covering her feet and legs to start with.

My little girl is the same age as yours and even though big sister does swimming lessons she’s been adamant she didn’t want to. I haven’t pushed it just said when we went do you want lessons yet. I respected the No until we went a few weeks ago to take her sister she saw two of the children from her class having lessons and she just turned to me and said “I want lessons Mummy” she’s due to start next month, wish me luck.

DC1 was extremely anxious (he actually has ASD but we didn’t know at the time). He ended up starting at 5, and I’m afraid I just made it clear we were doing it! I was in the water with him as it was Covid, though I have to say he was better in the water without me there.

He is now almost 9 and progress has been very slow but he is much improved - I think he could probably swim 25 metres and he will put his face in sometimes. He will never be a total water baby but I want him to a) be able to get himself safely to the side and out if he falls in water, and b) not to be so terrified that it limits him, eg at school.

I personally would approach this by looking for a small swim school which is gentle and supportive (we did this and it has helped massively). Put her name down for lessons and spend the summer taking her for “fun”, religiously every week. Hopefully she’ll be able to start in the autumn feeling a little more confident?

I'd take her on holiday somewhere with a lovely pool, make it really fun and relaxed.

I would then book swim lessons, it's a non negotiable life skill imo.

My child was absolutely phobic so we kept going as a family and I would hold them in my arms every time. After a while they loosened up just a bit - still holding on to me though and not letting me go. We signed them up for one-on-one lessons (30 mins) and that has been very very slow progress, but progress nonetheless. One of the biggest things however was going in the pool at the same time as their friends - that spurred on a bit more independence and water confidence!

School ones are useless unfortunately in my opinion, waste of time. They only got a few lessons, maybe one term. Would no way be enough for a non swimmer to get to 25m

Is she cold? Mine wore a shorty wetsuit for lessons and water play around that age. I agree with just go for fun until she works up courage to blow bubbles. You'll make much more progress just through play. Also, blowing bubbles in bath with goggles on transfers very well!

My DD just the same. Clung onto me like a limpet..and panicked if I tried to get her to float or swim herself. I found local leisure centre group lessons in a pool she could stand up in and she was off! Next time we went away she was jumping in the pool having a ball. Being able to stand up if she needed to seemed to give her the confidence she needed.

Good luck OP!

We used this book to teach our eldest to swim (aged 6), I think it's the one mentioned upthread:

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Learn-Swim-Teaching-Teach-Child/dp/0957390815/ref=sr_1_1?crid=1MF21FYJZ70WG&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.pXA5u09hPf8BOBXw-qeq-PFks5GuNukHlYSpUq0cQNPeS4HZOrTTcqZLAvITXaRDyUs3KA6LJCz81sZYJav_l2NXjd6k6wU0RVkAJ1mLNmubIiaL4J1L1ZtQwpf0dm84qOpeVmJgSsWx54-OmW0E3omGQyytdAJVJ23CSujjSCoTuZgKMQlEKpvntat_xIk5HBqbCJk9st2Js_f-Hu_FO9d0SezIsbbIQBSnWLUgKl0.rL7_wn-WFYcJIFegMdRM0bpl3yLjtftl4elmhsQoAek&dib_tag=se&keywords=learn+to+swim&qid=1717767358&rnid=1642204031&s=books&sprefix=learn+to+swim%2Caps%2C86&sr=1-1

He didn't enjoy swimming lessons at all but learning with me took the pressure off and now (6 years on) he plays water polo, so is pretty competent.

Younger child has had several courses of swimming lessons since he was little, but has only really picked it up recently, aged 10. He has just finished swimming lessons through school and was easily in the top half of the class, along with kids who have been going to swimming lessons every week for years. I completely understand the need for kids to be safe around water but I do think for some learning proper technique etc really doesn't click until they are older and more coordinated.

For various reasons my child could t swim more that half a meter doggy paddle. However last week we brought a membership at the leisure centre and we went every day in half term and I can now say she can swim- she’s 12!! So plenty of time .

I’m a qualified swim teacher.
take her regularly (every week sort of regularly!) for a few months.
then 1-1 lessons should be no longer than 20/30 mins. 20 would be ideal. Ask around different pools but also take her swimming regularly with you first to get her used to the place.
ideally make sure she can stand up at first. And just have fun. the pool I work at does have beginner classes for age 8 and up but a fear will only get worse with time. Make sure she does very very regularly with you. A lot of people (not saying you btw!!) expect miracles with swimming when learning to swim is a marathon and not a sprint. A lot of parents I see take their children once every few months and complain that that is regular but it isn’t xx

Agree with Sjh15.
I am also a swimming teacher.
Slow and steady with this. You need time and patience. Toys, water play. If she's anxious about "learning to swim," then drop all pressure. It has to be fun and she has to be relaxed so water confidence will be your aim and it might take a long time. Meet her where she is.
Learning to swim is an investment.

She will thank you one day. And she'll be able to swim with friends and take school trips that might involve water.
It's a life skill that could save her life, although she doesn't need to know that at the moment.

Use your bathtub and shower and an extension of her water experience. It's a sensory experience, and her nervous system is probably on fire with the thought of "learning to swim."

Slow down, play, be gentle and nurturing. You'll get there, but it will take time. Find a swim school that takes a gentle approach.

I use a plastic dolly with my nervous children. Perhaps she'd like that.

Good luck.