What age to insist reluctant child learns to swim?

[Upminster12]

DD has just turned 5, end of Reception. She hates going in swimming pools. I took her as a baby but then COVID happened and by the time we could go back she was 2 and she had such a strong aversion it was basically a phobia. I spent a long time sitting her on the edge of a pool, dangling her legs in then working up to her going in the pool with me carrying her all the time. Gradually things have improved and she will go in but she always wants me close, holding her hand etc.

I want her to learn to swim, it doesn't have to be right now but I'm wondering if there is any point leaving it much longer or whether I should "force" her to take lessons. She REALLY doesn't want to and I can forsee tantrums. But I don't know what else I can do myself, I'm an average swimmer not confident to teach her. I was quoted £60 per hour for individual lessons which is out of the question for me. There are leisure centre classes available locally but I'm worried it will be a disaster. What's the way forward here?

Oh no! Thank you for identifying the problem though, that makes sense and gives me something to work on.

That's awful but probably not an immediate concern for a 5 year old who won't go near water unless she is clinging to her mother's side.

How is she in the summer with paddling pools and splash pads? Could you get her loving it with that? What about a fun pool with a gentle sloped rather than a full on swimming pool?

I was the same. One of mine cried at the age of 4, worried about it etc. I’m quite soft when it comes to my children but I insisted they went. The swimming teacher told me I needed to take them at other times as well (I was very indignant and thought ‘When?!’ but he was right and I’m glad I made them go to lessons and took them for fun.

"took her ourselves using a learn to swim book that had simple milestones that started with wearing googles in the shower then bath to get used to water on face. Then in a very shallow pool, finding buoyancy by walking on hands with face under, doing a "star float" with face under then gliding across the pool with face under.."

Do you remember the name of the book BeccaBean?

My daughter was very similar and couldn't manage normal lessons. We signed her up for a group water confidence class and the difference in her after just a few classes has been amazing!

Yes a skill that could save their life, we started at 3 and a bit of tough love.

I agree with this too.

I can swim, but I have always hated it. I'm not afraid, but I get cold so quickly, even at places like Center Parcs! I'd quite happily never swim again.

@powershowerforanhour

Just looked it up. It's called Learn to Swim by Benjamin Roberts. Really resonated with us and worked brilliantly for my then 5 year old DD. Highly recommend.

why does it matter if she never swims? Most people who drown are swimmers

I know you say you couldn't afford one to one lessons, but that was what made the difference for my DD. It's expensive but she made so much better progress compared to group lessons, and you could switch to group lessons after a term or 2 once she built up confidence.

Do you have any fun leisure pools nearby? We take our toddler to a nice council pool with a very shallow bit, with sprinklers, slide etc, it only comes up to my calves so not deep at all. But it's great for water confidence.

If the pool temp is cold I'd get a wetsuit - we always give our dcs wetsuits for most pools as they have reduced the temperature with higher energy prices. And decent goggles made a big difference for DD.

It's really not that old except in fairly affluent, motivated circles where a lot of children go to baby swimming lessons and continue from there. Most children in Stage 1 are 4 or 5 and a great number of children never attend swimming lessons at all.

We ended up paying for individual lessons, which was 100% the right decision - group classes aren't great for anxious kids, or during stages 1 & 2 when they just don't get enough actual swimming time in a group setting, they spend most of it sitting on the side waiting their turn.

It usually doesn't take ages of 121s before they're ready to join a group, and it's well worth doing if you can possibly find the money. 121 beginner's lessons are usually 30 mins max.

I'm only a page in but have you looked at swim! They offer a free trial. Parents wait in the lounge whilst the children swim. We've been going for about a year and in that time (we're now in swim2) have seen multiple children start absolutely adamant they will not get in the water move on to jumping in independently. Some take longer than others but the approach they use seems to work. Classes are limited to 6 and because parents are behind a glass window they seem to copy each other.

Non negotiable life skill. DS started at 5 when a slot eventually came free. Nearly 7 now, can swim 10m and now enjoys as he's making progress.

My year 1 DC has school swimming this term. Some schools take them very early.

Start taking her to fun family sessions regularly. She can do lessons when she feels more comfortable in the water.

My eldest (5, almost 6) has learned to swim independently in the last few months just because we go every week without fail as a family. He started out with a float vest which we gradually removed floats from. He hasn’t worn it at all for a couple of months and swims underwater etc now. He was terrified of swimming without aids this time last year. Our youngest has also made massive progress.

My ds didn't like the water either but then he went to a water park with his childminder when he'd just turned 5 and was buzzing so I seized the moment and enrolled him in lessons. He carried on until he went to university and works as a lifeguard in the summer holidays now.

5 isn't late to learn to swim, there are loads of children who start later, not least because their parents work full time and can't take them to the baby swimming lessons etc. Or because they can't afford it.

If you have some sort of water park/leisure pool near you that might be a good starting point. Or find a small warm pool. Our local pool is freezing!

This is true, but it is a gateway to leisure activities like sailing, kayaking, rookie lifeguarding, swimming with a club etc as well as being able to go to pool birthday parties.

I agree it's not a "life skill" in terms of life saving, but it is definitely useful for lots of hobbies.

A child/teen who is scared of swimming pools is unlikely to want to do those things.
People who enjoy swimming do those things.

Would you say someone who is scared of heights needs to get over it as rock climbing is a fun hobby?

(Yes the child needs to learn water safety... but not for leisure reasons!)

(Yes the child needs to learn water safety... but not for leisure reasons!)

And the RNLI safety advice is that if you get into difficulty in the water, the best thing to do is not to try to swim, but to float.

Float To Live – What To Do In An Emergency – RNLI

Exactly. I can't swim, and I cannot begin to tell you how unlikely it is that I will take up kayaking or windsurfing.

Would you say someone who is scared of heights needs to get over it as rock climbing is a fun hobby

much easier to avoid! I don't think kids of 8 tend to have rock climbing parties, do they :)

Anyway my point was that people say it's a life (saving) skill. It isn't. Water safety is, but that's completely different.

I was a really unconfident swimmer. First lesson I went to was a horrible old school shouty teacher. Pushed the kids in and assumed instinct would take over. It didn't and I had to be fished out with a stick. Obviously I refused to go back.

My poor mother tried signing me up for so many lessons before I had the confidence to even get in. The memories of the smell and the noise at the pool were overwhelming. Eventually she found a lovely small, quiet, warm pool and a gentle teacher and I loved going. I'm still not a great swimmer, but I enjoy swimming as an adult.

Young children don't have much meat on them, so pools can feel extra cold, especially if they aren't actively swimming.

Are you able to find a hotel pool you could visit with her for a few tries? They tend to be warmer, quieter and less chlorinated. Go along for a splash about. No intention to swim. You could take along a ping pong ball and encourage her to blow it along the water while you hold her so that she gets used to having her face close to the water. See how you get on with that for a few weeks or even months before you try lessons again. You'll get there, but desensitising her may be key.

I teach Y3/4 and yes of course they sometimes have climbing parties. There are climbing walls all over the place. No it's not outdoors but it's still at height!