What age to insist reluctant child learns to swim?

[Upminster12]

DD has just turned 5, end of Reception. She hates going in swimming pools. I took her as a baby but then COVID happened and by the time we could go back she was 2 and she had such a strong aversion it was basically a phobia. I spent a long time sitting her on the edge of a pool, dangling her legs in then working up to her going in the pool with me carrying her all the time. Gradually things have improved and she will go in but she always wants me close, holding her hand etc.

I want her to learn to swim, it doesn't have to be right now but I'm wondering if there is any point leaving it much longer or whether I should "force" her to take lessons. She REALLY doesn't want to and I can forsee tantrums. But I don't know what else I can do myself, I'm an average swimmer not confident to teach her. I was quoted £60 per hour for individual lessons which is out of the question for me. There are leisure centre classes available locally but I'm worried it will be a disaster. What's the way forward here?

Hi, when I was little, I was terrified of riding my bike without stabilisers, and no matter what they tried I wouldn’t do it. Eventually they took me to a campsite with big open fields with the purpose of I was gonna learn every day. They got me doing a little bit each day, and after the took week holiday the stabilisers were off and I was confident enough to carry on learning without it, because it had been so hammered for too weeks.
I would recommend booking (if you can afford a holiday obviously, I appreciate there’s a cost of living crisis right now) a two week trip abroad with the best, kid friendly, water park style outdoor pool that looks so fun, with super shallow splash areas. After two weeks of trying multiple times a day (and lots of ice cream for being brave!) she’ll be much more prepared for lessons. Make it feel as fun as possible, and they pick up a lot from you, so if you’re nervous about her getting upset she’ll pick up on it.

Could you arrange to go to the pool with some friends and their children? Perhaps if she sees children she knows enjoying it /actually swimming, it may make her more inclined to give swimming a go?

My two hated swimming lessons and never learned to swim, the classes were big and they spent half the time sat shivering on the edge before wading along doing the arm movements! Took them on holiday and with every waking moment spent in the pool for a week they managed to figure it out in a way that felt right (and fun) to them. They were 5 and 7. They're both enthusiastic swimmers now

My daughter was the same at about 4 yr old. Similar situation with COVID stopping us going swimming earlier. She was terrified of the water and wanted to cling to me. Realistically I couldn't take her to the pool often enough to help her get used to the water and couldn't afford lessons.

So I bought one of those 10ft pools for our garden and we spent all summer going in it a couple times a week until she was confident to walk around the water with out me and even trying to swim a bit. Took months but she finally stopped being scared. I then booked her into a group lesson and now we just go to the pool every couple of weeks. She's 5 now and can swim just about 😊 I upgraded to a 6 person hot tub I found second hand so we could have warm water. Still big enough for her to gain confidence lol.

Just keep going swimming and holding, one day it will click for her that she's safe and she'll start moving away from you, I wouldn't rush it. Although a group lesson might be worth trying as sometimes they behave differently in lesson groups with other kids.

Contact Swim! If there is one near you to see if they will allow her in the 2-3 group while she builds her confidence (a parent is allowed in with them), they let us do that

This was my son aged 5 as well. Finally aged 6,5 he agreed to take group lessons and he loves it! He's finally a confident swimmer. Wait another year and take her swimming with you as much as possible in the meantime 🙂

We had a similar situation many years ago as daughter was terrified. We hired a private pool every Sunday and got her confidence in the water, then I insisted she joined classes and wouldn’t let her stop until she could swim with clothes on. She hated me for it at the time but thanks me as an adult!

My son was a nightmare in swimming lessons around age 2-3, just wouldn’t concentrate at all or want to do anything so I gave up and just tried again age 4.5 and I was so nervous he wouldn’t cooperate as he struggles with structured group activities. But he’s actually really surprised me and is doing fine. Our big issue is his sensory issues mean he won’t wear goggles or a swimming cap for longer than 2 minutes, which are supposed to be compulsory (all the other kids are) but I’m actually just happy he’s going and seems to reasonably enjoy them. Basically moral of my story is you could always try and see what happens? If it’s too much then just keep going really regularly for another year with you and try again then would be my approach x

Is there a pool with a 'baby' pool near you? DD started at 4 - very nervously - in a warm, shallow pool with an expert teacher. Not really much done in early days but getting in and floating around to gain confidence.

Her school lessons start this year (3) but she can do her 25m by now.

My son was fearful of water on his face. I did insist on swimming lessons. I felt it was important skill to learn. His teacher was great and helped him overcome his fear. He loves swimming now and it’s something we really enjoy doing together. I travelled a bit to get a small class taught in a small pool. The noise of a large busy pool was very off-putting for my son. I think it’s worth sticking at. Definitely look for a small group. A good teacher will help your daughter get there at her own pace. Learning alongside other children may also reassure her it’s ok.

Can she choose some pool toys/an inflatable? Anything to make it fun and want to go into the water.

I feel for you both! I was taken to the pool weekly and had swimming lessons (big group) and school swimming. I hated it! Finally at age 11 I suddenly got it one week and swam a length. After that I chose to swim daily and still do even in my sixties, it is perhaps my main joy in life.
My mum could only swim half a length and did not enjoy it but when my son was tiny I took him to the pool daily and she thought perhaps she should learn. She took adult swim lessons and loves to swim still.
I took all my children from being a few weeks old, all are competent swimmers, one does it regularly and two less often but enjoy water sports.
I think you are doing all the best things. Myself I would not take her to the pool just yet. Have a baby bath outside with warm water and bubbles, not to get in but for her to wash her toys and play washing up with cups and plates. Do it occasionally but always if she asked. Then try a tiny paddling pool, same thing sit outside not on it, if you sit on a chair and soak your feet in the water but don’t mention it she might do the same. A group of older ladies did this on a campsite, a little girl was afraid of water, we got a small paddling pool all brought our chairs and a cool drink and sat natteing with our feet in the water. When the little one asked what we were doing we said it was for old ladies but she could join us as long as all the other children did not come too. She soon joined us with a little deck chair and then one day said could she have warm water and bubbles and no ladies feet!
once she is choosing to sit in a small oil try taking her rock pooling. With a net and bucket she can find things but not need to get in.
Progress like this and try not to put yourself or her under pressure

I took my son from 4 months old till 2 1/2 years old when he really started to scream the lesson down every time which was really hard as it was group lessons. So we gave them up which the instructor did not recommend and he was right. We then spent a few years of him being afraid of water. Finally at age 8 he agreed he wanted to learn so we booked him 1-2-1 lessons which has been amazing and 6
months and 25 lessons later he has no fear of water and can swim under water, do log rolls, somersaults underwater and can swim with no aids. Ultimately for us it was better to wait till he was ready to do it and we agreed it had to be done as it is a
life skill he needed, I think we planted the seed again when he was 7 and by 8 he was just ready. Good luck. I wouldn’t worry too much at age 5, plenty of time to learn xx

I’m in my early 40’s, I still can’t swim, I didn’t go swimming until I was 8, my parents never took me I went with the school, both my parents can swim, I was taken to the deep end by the swimming instructor my armbands & rubber ring taken off & I was left there, I was panicking, kept going under the water & actually thought I was going to die, after that day I did everything I could to get out of swimming classes, I have such a fear, yet I took my children swimming classes when they were 4/5 although I didn’t get in with them, I missed out on so much & am so angry in a way with my parents for not encouraging me to learn to swim. I hope your little one gets confident & learns to swim.

When my son started lessons at our Leisure Centre, they had someone in the pool helping, as well as someone teaching them. If you could find similar, it may help her. Waiting lists are usually quite long so I’d put her name down and keep trying yourself.

It's so important for children to know how to swim. Reluctant or not she needs to learn. Could she go to lessons with friends who may encourage her?

I’d just book the lessons with at the leisure centre if it was me. My DCs had negotiables and non negotiables, swimming was a non negotiable. She’ll get used to it.

I had the same - great fear of swimming when young. Eventually learned on holiday when I was 19. Now happy swimming in pools, sea etc. No real need to push your child I would say.

Hi op,

i found private lessons for £100 for 12-14 sessions. It is a group of 2/3 kids and there is also a baby lesson happening other side pool with 5babies average per sessions.

it isn’t exactly private but one kid was with one instructor. Just 2/3 of them same side sharing the space.

maybe look into groups private? That dod work for us. They will allow you to get in the water to calm her and slowly take over.

good luck! 🌺

My daughter couldn't swim at 6-7 years old but would happily go in a pool - yes she used to hang onto me but I think that's to be expected when they can't swim. What made her realise she was the odd one out was on holiday abroad, she made friends easily but of course in the pool they'd swim off and she was left on her own. She decided there & then to have swimming lessons & we got her in at the local leisure centre when we got home. She's a strong swimmer now, and swimming is really beneficial for all ages which she's realised in hard times is her go to therapy.

Just have them swimming (25m rule) by secondary school and you'll be fine. Until then, just take your DC swimming as often as you can and they will surprise you with their progress.

We never did formal swimming lessons - plan to do them as some point - but DD1 just takes to water like a mermaid. DD2 (6) really isn't interested, we gave her a float and now she is finally getting happy in the water.

Good luck

It's really not. Most children don't have the physical coordination to be able to learn properly before 5 anyway.

Due to COVID waiting lists, DC1 had just turned six before she started lessons. She's been swimming for two years and has nearly completed stage 3. She's pretty much average, there's some children older than her in her lessons and some younger.

As PP have said, I wouldn't worry about lessons for now, but just keep taking her yourself every week to build up her confidence.

Stage 1 is less about swimming properly anyway and more about confidence and safety in the water. If you wanted, you could look at the criteria for Swim England stage 1 and slowly incorporate some of that, ie getting in and out of the pool by herself, being comfortable with water showered from overhead, etc.

It seems you are doing a good job OP, just keep taking her regularly at least 1x weekly and make it as fun as possible, little swimming floating toys and such are useful props.

Blowing bubbles in the water with goggles on, holding on to the side and practicing kicks.

Please don’t leave it till juniors… that’s years away.
Does she have a best friend? Could you talk to the mothers of her friendship group? Try and get one or two of them to sign up for group lessons with your daughter… or arrange for a mum or 2 to meet you at swimming and get all the kids splashing around together.
make it lots of fun. Longer you leave it @Upminster12 harder it will be as she’ll get more scared

I had the same with my youngest son (he’s now 17 and a strong swimmer). I took a couple of odd days off work at first so I could take him to the pool when it was quiet, took a ball and just played with him by the water, at the side, threw ball with me in the water, him on the side, made him laugh, etc. We then just went regularly with a friend or two, with his big brother, and he gradually relaxed enough to join a swim class. You’ll get there.