Page 8 | Fired for gross misconduct, how to move on

b0rnSad · 2024-05-29T17:45:01+00:00

A week ago I got fired from my job, for gross misconduct. I don't really want to go into the details but I also don't know how to move on. It seems if I'm not asleep, I'm crying. I feel quite bleak about the future. I miss my job, I miss the friends I made. I really enjoyed it and was on track for a managers position which makes it all the more harder to swallow. I haven't got any real life friends to talk about this. So I just want to know if it's normal to feel like this? I almost feel stupid for being upset and gutted considering it was my own actions that led to this. I wish I had realised what I was at risk of loosing 😖 Please tell me I'm not a complete looser and I will feel better soon

mumedu · 30/05/2024 20:55

I have been touched by the responses here. You made a mistake. Stealing is not OK, but I hope that in time you will reflect on this choice, forgive yourself and move on.

Redflagman · 30/05/2024 20:57

So op you needed the money for food because you had only a few pounds left 😞 that's awful...no one in paid work should have to literally steal in order to have something to eat..

Despair1 · 30/05/2024 20:57

Yes, you made a stupid mistake but that doesn't make you a bad person. You are dealing with a rollercoaster of emotions but you need to take care of yourself and forgive yourself also. I really hope that you can resume work soon. You have paid a big price for a mistake but I assume( and hope) that police weren't involved. And do confide in someone, that will lessen your burden.
I have a feeling that things will be OK, you sound a very determined person!
Good luck and take care

NiceNiche · 30/05/2024 21:02

For all those saying use food banks, sadly not all food banks are the same.
All the food banks in my area will NOT assist those with a job. They also need a new referral from a doctor or social worker for each visit, and are only open during weekdays, so even if they would help it would completely impractical if you are working anyway.

Pippa246 · 30/05/2024 21:03

@b0rnSad - I got fired for being drunk at work - it wasn’t the first time - I’d had a chance before and I blew it. So nobody’s fault but my own. I was in a professional position and was so ashamed it took me nearly a year to even think about another job.

But I did. I was honest with new employer and said I was really stressed and had personal problems and I turned to alcohol. At that point I was nearly a year sober and was able to tell them the steps I had taken to help myself. I’m still not 100% over my drinking problem but I’ve held the job down for more than a year so I’d get a reference when I’m ready to move on (my job is basically minimum wage but I was happy to take it to just feel worthy again).

Your situation is different but it’s similar in so much as we are all human and make mistakes. It won’t be easy but keep putting yourself out there. Show them you’ve learned from your mistakes and that you’ve grown as a person.

when I was at my darkest, an ex colleague said to me “this too shall pass”…..and it will. You made a mistake- own it and do what you need to do to move on 💐

AliceMcK · 30/05/2024 21:04

@NonPlayerCharacter my DF once got a written warning for eating a sausage, he was accused of theft. He was working in a supermarket and they had a sample of new cocktail sausages they were selling. He was talking to a customer and said they are really nice and popped one in his mouth. He got a written warning for that.

Lifeomars · 30/05/2024 21:05

I promise you a thousand times over that you will move on from this, that you will be ok and that you have a good future. Why do I say this? because from reading your posts you come across as an honest person who did a stupid thing which almost all of us have done in our lives, be that in work or in our personal sphere. I once got into real trouble at work, I clashed terribly with a manager, nearly everyone did but I was no good at hiding it I ended up on a disciplinary at the same time as the service I was working for was on the brink of being closed down so I was facing job hunting with a disciplinary for "insubordination" on my employment record. I honestly thought I would never work again and like you I was in tears, and could not see a way forward. I went and did agency work, which was perfect for me as it helped me regain my confidence and also have a good hard think about my behaviour and how I related to colleagues in the work place. I think you will learn and grow from this, good luck

Megera · 30/05/2024 21:08

AliceMcK · 30/05/2024 21:04

@NonPlayerCharacter my DF once got a written warning for eating a sausage, he was accused of theft. He was working in a supermarket and they had a sample of new cocktail sausages they were selling. He was talking to a customer and said they are really nice and popped one in his mouth. He got a written warning for that.

Sorry I shouldnt laugh but I am.

BeckiWithAnI · 30/05/2024 21:19

Theft is theft. The trust and confidence is gone, whatever the reasons were for your theft. Often there are things like pay advances or financial help available if you ask for it, but you don’t get to take matters into your own hands.

That said, you can still come back from this. You should just get a basic reference and hopefully you’ll find another company to work for where you won’t have to disclose this incident. Take this as a lifelong lesson and be grateful that you were only dismissed and the police weren’t involved. Next time you will have the experience behind you to make a smarter choice when faced with this kind of choice.

I wish you the best of luck OP.

NonPlayerCharacter · 30/05/2024 21:42

AliceMcK · 30/05/2024 21:04

@NonPlayerCharacter my DF once got a written warning for eating a sausage, he was accused of theft. He was working in a supermarket and they had a sample of new cocktail sausages they were selling. He was talking to a customer and said they are really nice and popped one in his mouth. He got a written warning for that.

He should put that on his CV. The world is divided into people who would share the viewpoint of whatever prize idiot did that and those who would hire him on the spot for it, and I think we all know who we'd rather work for.

AliceMcK · 30/05/2024 22:08

Megera · 30/05/2024 21:08

Sorry I shouldnt laugh but I am.

Show quote history

Don’t worry we did, but at a later date.

AliceMcK · 30/05/2024 22:10

NonPlayerCharacter · 30/05/2024 21:42

He should put that on his CV. The world is divided into people who would share the viewpoint of whatever prize idiot did that and those who would hire him on the spot for it, and I think we all know who we'd rather work for.

Show quote history

My DF was in his late 40s and his manager was barely 20 trying to be the big I am. Luckily my DF got a much better job she stayed in until retirement.

Viviennemary · 30/05/2024 22:25

Theft is usually grounds for instant dismissal. Why did you take the risk. But you wont do it again. You've got to now concentrate on the future and making plans for what to do next.

TheSquareMile · 30/05/2024 22:30

'@b0rnSad

If you feel that you would like to talk to someone at any time, the Samaritans are always there. Don't hesitate to call them on 116 123.

https://www.samaritans.org/

princessleah1 · 30/05/2024 22:37

I got sacked from a pizza place for stealing a bottle of vodka. Now have a well paid professional job.

RampantKrampus · 30/05/2024 22:42

I know a guy who stole literal millions from a very large company, got a huge pay off from them in hush money and everyone thinks is this amazing businessman.

Some poor person steals £50 from a company (and let’s face it they’re probably making massive profits if it’s any of the usual suspects) who doesn’t even pay them a decent enough wage that they can buy what they need and they are some sort of awful person?

Fuck that.

Loulouloops · 30/05/2024 22:46

It was just a daft mistake. You sound like you have good experience in an industry that needs workers ( you say your company is understaffed) so pick yourself up brush yourself down and start thinking about looking for another job. You can do it. Treat yourself as you’d treat a friend with kindness and understanding. Take a deep breath and put it behind you, it’ll be fine .

MustBeGinOclock · 30/05/2024 22:52

Just to say big hugs we can all make silly decisions and you must've really felt desperate to do it. Not judging you. We are all human we make mistakes we learn from them and grow. You are grieving you are bound to feel this way. Perhaps if it lingers a trip to the gp can help you.

DotDashDot24 · 30/05/2024 22:53

NiceNiche · 30/05/2024 21:02

For all those saying use food banks, sadly not all food banks are the same.
All the food banks in my area will NOT assist those with a job. They also need a new referral from a doctor or social worker for each visit, and are only open during weekdays, so even if they would help it would completely impractical if you are working anyway.

My neighbour does Olio (as the distributor) She gets all the stuff that is reaching its sell by date from a big supermarket, not sure if I can say which one, and gives it to whoever turns up. She is often forced to dump stuff.

She doesn't vet anyone in any way.

I think there are other apps that do similar as well.

tillytoodles1 · 30/05/2024 23:01

My sister worked in a local shop with a young man who'd applied to join the police. He stole £10 from the till and was sacked for theft. That was the end of his new career.

Unknownuser2046789 · 30/05/2024 23:03

Oh OP. Sending a virtual hug. I can imagine that it feels like the end of the world right now, but I promise it isn’t.
My partner was sacked for gross misconduct earlier this year, and watching first hand how hard it’s been for him gives me so much empathy for you and what you’re going through.
Learn from it, and rebuild your career - I promise, it is possible. Maybe you will find yourself in a far better job long term, which you never would have got if this hadn’t have happened.

Ger1atricMillennial · 30/05/2024 23:04

Guilt= "I did something wrong". This is normal. we all fuck up sometimes, even for ridiculous reasons. It gives you a chance to reflect on your behaviour, apologise and move on.

Shame= I am wrong. This is destructive and is used by abusive people to make them act in a way they wouldn't normally, because they believe in their soul that they don't deserve compassion.

You can move on from this, you are not a bad person.

WilliamButt · 30/05/2024 23:04

I was fired due to gross negligence. It was ignorance/arrogance rather than malice but it was a pretty awful fuck up. It happened 7 years ago and still makes me wince when I think about it. I haven't been back to the town where it happened since. No one from there has spoken to me since and any time I go to a work conference I'm terrified I'll run into someone who knew me there.
At first I struggled so much. I still do a bit but I don't have the same intense feelings around it and most of the time I don't think about it. I'm honestly as over it as I think I'll ever be. I ended up getting a new job where my manager was very kind and understanding of my history.

SparklyPinkRobin · 30/05/2024 23:09

I’m sorry to hear of your situation, I’m im
the same situation but I resigned before I was fired. Something from my past came up to bite me. I’m also extremely upset as I was moving forward. You will turn things around but sending hugs xx

MsLuxLisbon · 30/05/2024 23:18

RampantKrampus · 30/05/2024 22:42

I know a guy who stole literal millions from a very large company, got a huge pay off from them in hush money and everyone thinks is this amazing businessman.

Some poor person steals £50 from a company (and let’s face it they’re probably making massive profits if it’s any of the usual suspects) who doesn’t even pay them a decent enough wage that they can buy what they need and they are some sort of awful person?

Fuck that.

1000% THIS! It really makes me angry.