Fired for gross misconduct, how to move on

[b0rnSad]

A week ago I got fired from my job, for gross misconduct. I don't really want to go into the details but I also don't know how to move on.

It seems if I'm not asleep, I'm crying. I feel quite bleak about the future. I miss my job, I miss the friends I made. I really enjoyed it and was on track for a managers position which makes it all the more harder to swallow.

I haven't got any real life friends to talk about this. So I just want to know if it's normal to feel like this? I almost feel stupid for being upset and gutted considering it was my own actions that led to this. I wish I had realised what I was at risk of loosing 😖

Please tell me I'm not a complete looser and I will feel better soon

It's normal to feel sorry for yourself when you've fucked up. But you need to pull yourself back up and learn from it. Dwelling and wallowing is only going to make it worse . Focus on finding another job , maybe some retraining. Having something to focus on will help you move passed this. You stole 50 quid , there are bankers and business men in this world who've caused the collapse of banks , trust me they sleep soundly at night.

Oh come on. I have empathy for the OP, but none of those examples are anywhere close to actively stealing £50 in cash.

I’ve known a few people who’ve been fired for gross misconduct and they’ve gone on to have other jobs. It will be ok OP. It sounds like you’re truly sorry and have learned from what happened. You don’t need to suffer for the rest of your life for this. We live and learn.

There's no need to mention being fired, the company have said they will give her a basic reference which is all most companies do now anyway. She can say she left because she wanted a new direction or whatever - getting some agency work could be a good idea.

It was £50 for food, not acceptable but she's paid the price by losing her job, she doesn't need berating more. But a big clap on the back to all those who have never make poor choices though.

You've learnt your lesson OP, move forward now and find something else. You don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to, this doesn't define you.

This is what I meant. Prepare a response for if asked. Which you probably will be under 'reason for leaving'.

Don't lie on applications or if asked at interview. This is substantive and verifiable information. You could potentially be dismissed from a future job for lying. My point is to get to a stage where you don't really need to mention this job if an application asks for 'reason for leaving''.

As a rule of thumb, the shockingly bad advice is usually under any circumstances to be dishonest rather than to manage the real situation as best you can.

For goodness sake, what are you trying to do, penalise her further. Don’t lie you will get fired again. She will never work again if she fronts up and says I was stealing. And we all know it.

I fired a young man for gross misconduct once. At Christmas! He lied, and then panicked and lied again when I tried to give him a way out. He was a really nice kid, just did something stupid and paid the price.

I looked him up on social media recently and he's doing fine. In a management role at one company for several years now, so presumably has stayed out of trouble since then.

Op you made a stupid mistake and are paying the price.

BUT you'll get past this difficult time and move forward - great news about reference, it will be ok!

Re food banks - I'm a social worker - you don't need a social worker to access a lot of food banks -look up in your local area but on the most part you can just turn up.

Why are you so proud of posting like that? It's not a question of being nice, it's a question of not kicking somebody when they're already on the floor. You'd have to be a bit lacking not to realise that. Gosh.

MegsNaiceJam, I didn't realise that the Red Cross did that; phenomenal they are. I'm glad they helped you.

Desperation makes people do things that we all think we wouldn't do.

Going forward, food banks are available to working people too, referrals can be made by teachers, clergy, doctors etc not just social workers. Also if you are in need of basic staples, look on the olio app for instance or also your local community larder, ask on local facebook group even, i would always be willing to give some pasta, rice, chopped tomatoes etc to a local family as a one off

This is why I suggested agency work to get some distance between the last job and the future. They'll help negotiate this.

And fair enough if applying for a local bar or whatever but in a larger organisation with stricter policies (or one with more focus on security or patient safety- someone mentioned care work) it's not a great idea to start out bullshitting on applications. Im my last career i've recruited someone with GM on their application, they'd explained it in a few neutral words and worked since, fine. People make mistakes. If they'd lied and I'd found out I would have withdrawn the offer or looked to fail their probation as security was a big deal

This is part of the consequences, I'm afraid. Managing the fallout in a measured way. Some jobs she'll have to be honest, some they won't care. Depends on the sector and organisation. But a blanket 'lie to employers about this' is really not a helpful approach.

ManilowBarry
I was reading the 'silly mistake' comments with disbelief until I saw yours which is the voice of reason.

You're one of those who hasn't the courage to vent their spleen until somebody else has. Got that. So glad that you managed to get your lecture in as well. Coward.

Well if you needed to eat I can kind of understand it but surely friends may have helped out? Log it as a life lesson and move on.

dont wallow
move on quickly
get another job
the best people are sacked! so i read,

I have sympathy OP. It wasn’t right but you were in a desperate situation if you didn’t have enough to buy food. It’s happened and I hope you can accept it and move on. Lots of people would react in a similar way if they were under similar pressure - those who claim they wouldn’t don’t know until they have been there. Human beings are flawed and there are lots out there who have messed up. At least you have no police record.
I worked somewhere where £2,000 went missing from the till. The police were called but they never worked out who it was but it was quite chilling to realise that it was one of the people who worked there.

OP, it's good that your previous employer will give you a basic reference. I think most references now are basic. You will be able to start again.

On a practical level, do you need to sign on? Access a foodbank? Is there anybody that you could tell in real life so that you have some support? I would be shocked if this happened to one of my friends but there's not one that I wouldn't stand behind and support.

Don't take the spiteful posts to heart, they say what people would generally think (if they bother themselves to think), but most people can see beyond an error of judgement and not condemn the person for it. You need to do the same - you did this and you're suffering for it - but it's not the sum total of you as a person.

Put it behind you. Life has ways of teaching us and at the time it can be hard to understand but at some point in the future it will all fall into place.
You will get over this.

looking forward, I've had several jobs with no access to cash so there will be jobs you can do. Good luck.

My useless ex got sacked for stealing much more than that. He also had few qualifications and it had been his only job. He did get another retail job quite easily (assuming that's what you did).

Well, I'd say a one off when someone is a bit desperate for money and subsequently bitterly regrets what they did is not as bad as a drink too much, for a start; because that person who had one drink too much might well be getting behind the wheel of a car to drive home and is a potential killer.

OP - I got fired for gross misconduct years ago. It turned out I was being scapegoated and someone else was responsible, but that didn't come out until later. I took a few weeks and signed up with an agency to do temp work (employer gave me a basic reference) and went on to get permament work via temping.

There is light at the end of the tunnel, believe me. I wasn't so much devastated as furious when it happened to me, but you've learned and you're sorry for what you did.

You made a silly mistake but it's not a hanging offence. You havnt murdered anyone ! Please be kind to yourself Your employer will give you a reference which is a real help. Use this time now to get your cv up to date and search for another job. This really isn't the end of the world. Be positive and find something else you will be fine 💐

It’s only a job, no one died. You did a stupid thing and you regret it so much but in the long list things people have done at work this amount of money isn’t a show stopper. I work in an organisation where they sold a product and the team who worked on it actually went to jail as people died, the government took them to court.

If you were my friend I wouldn’t judge you, it’s not like you stole thousands over lots of years showing no remorse.

You will 100% get through this and will get another job that you love. You will look back in a year and it will all be different! It’s a blip on your record but it doesn’t have to define you. You will be a better future manager for going through this.

Bloody hell some of these comments

We've all done stupid shit. You stole £50 off your employer because you needed money for food.
It's not like you're going around robbing pensioners. You were desperate.

I'm not justifying crime but I think people need to see the bigger picture of why people act the way they do. It's not black and white.

Just think of it as a lucky escape. You've got a reference. They could have called the police which by the sounds of it they didn't.
You feel bad so that shows you have a conscience. It's not like you are blasé about it.

I think, if people were honest with themselves, there's a lot of people would do similar in that situation